DyingInsideOut

I know that there is some major fence-mending to do and I tried to do just that when I sent him my email this morning. I did apologize for freaking out and told him why I thought I had done it. I am moving back home to be with my family. I have children and they have never been around their grandparents. We have discussed it and he was supposed to go with me. But since we split, obviously that changed, but now we are talking again. I think that if things can be repaired and we can start again and things go well, he will eventually join me.

Well, he's back from being out. He sent me a message saying he had things to do and that he would write when he got a chance. This kills me and he knows it. I understand he's at work and has to do work, and yes, he did send me a message to let me know that he was back and would write later, but he knows that I hate waiting. That I'm not a very patient person. I'll be sitting here watching and waiting for his email. Just like I've done for the last week when I've poured out my feelings for him to him and waited to hear back from him but he never responded as to how he felt. I know I'm rambling, and I'm sorry. I just need to get it off my chest.

Gradle, Thank you soooo much for your post. I'm doing the best I can right now. I'm just so scared of what he will say when he finally responds to my email. It's been over two hours since I sent it to him. I'm working right now, but I can't even concentrate on that. I know he doesn't want to be with someone that throws tantrums (neither would I) and I know I was a complete idiot for doing so. I just hope that he understands why I did it. I am in panic mode and freaking out about a lot of things because of this move. And one of the main things is not being able to see him everyday. I talk to him probably 3-4 times a day and we send each other emails all day too as well as txt messages. We haven't ever really let each other go and I'm scared that this could be it. I guess if it is, there's not much I can do to prevent it. I'll just have to accept it and move on with my life. But I will be very sad for a very long time.

Starion, Thank you for your response. Can I ask why you don't feel comfortable staying overnight?? It's not that I wanted to have sex, I just wanted him laying next to me. It's been soooo long since I've been able to just hold him. Hope, thank you for sending the other post. I read most of it and somewhat can relate to Gradle's pain. I'm just terrified that he will decide that he doesn't want to work on this anymore. I don't blow up like that often but I just wanted to see him so badly. I know that if he decides he doesn't want to be with me then I won't bother him. I won't call him and I won't pressure him, but it will be very very difficult. UGHHHHHHH

To make a long story short, we were together for 3 1/2 years. Broke up in October of last year, but have still been in contact with each other. I truly truly love him, but there are so many problems. I have been back and forth on wanting to be together and I know that I have hurt him during all of this. Last week I told him I was sure that I wanted to work on things. He didn't really indicate to me what he wanted, which I understand was his way of protecting himself. Well, we talked last night and he told me that yes, he does want to work on things, that because we have been apart for such a long period of time that we need to get to know one another again and rekindle the spark that we once had. I agreed. We also talked about the problems that we have had and were able to come up with compromises on them. A few hours after we talked, I sent him a txt msg asking him to come over and stay with me. He said he didn't think it was a good idea. I got extremely upset and started crying and screaming at him. Needless to say, the night ended badly because of my behavior. The reason I got so upset is because I am moving over 1200 miles in 4 weeks and our time together is very limited. I don't want to waste another day being apart from him. We had both previously discussed him moving with me and he was going to but then we split again and now time is running out for us to see if things are going to work or not. I love him with all my heart and truly believe that he is my soulmate. But I am scared that my tantrum last night may have shoved him away and that I might have lost him. I sent him an email this morning, he responded that he received it, but that he had to go out and would respond later. I'm just so scared right now. Thank you for listening.