LoneLioness

I'm not interested in overcoming it, I'd prefer someone who had it as well because they'd see the world the same way I do and not be naive and be able to see people for what they really are.

Oh, I have been that guy, who wanted to spend ALL his time with his gf, and it drove her crazy... I smothered her to death, and in time (a very short time) smothered the relationship to nothing. There are guys out there who WILL want to suck every breath out of you, I was one. But, I also learned how unhealthy that is... You have GOT to have time alone, time with other people. Yes, it is hard to believe that, but trust me, when you two are together, it makes the time mean that much more... You didn't "smother the relationship to nothing". You were just incompatible with her. I'm sick of societys immature and unreasonable attitude that you have to spend a certain amount of time with a person and not go over it because that makes you clingy, or even less then a certain amount of time with someone and that makes you distant. Maybe it does, but the point is that theres nothing wrong with either. True, 95% of people are bothered by clingyness or the opposite distantness, but that doesn't mean the other 5% should change to please them.

hope you get used to being alone, cause with that attitude you're gonna be lonely for the rest of your life. With your attitude no one decent would ever want you. There is nothing wrong with my attitude and me wanting someone to accept me just the way I am. Anyone who thinks there is needs to grow up. You have a terrible attitude. Maybe it's depression speaking, but you had plenty of time to think about what you were typing. asdf is right and you know it, that's why you're on the defensive . Everyone has flaws, but the flaws you have can be changed. Whether you get the guy you want or not, you need to change your outlook for yourself. If you do find another guy like yourself, that'd be terrible. Then both of you would be miserable and have something else to complain about,"My husband/wife lies around the house all day, doesn't work or go to school, still supported by parents, won't do anything about it." But part of me gets the feeling that you think a great virgin guy around your age is going to fall for you. If that's so, you're wrong. And no guy, whether he loves someone or not, is going to want to spend all his time with his wife/girlfriend, trust me. Well, no offense, but you are only 14 (or not, but your profile says you are) and you have alot to learn. You're at that age where people are shallow and they judge by things like money, looks, etc. That is probably why you are judging me about not working. I am perfectly happy not working, I love having all my time to myself and not having to be around people all day who set off my SA. If others choose to cope with theirs by using meds and/or therapy then that is their choice, but this is my choice and no decent person will look down on me for it. That is very shallow and ununderstanding. You're wrong, any guy who is a virgin and great will want me just the way I am. If not then he is a virgin, but certainly not great and certainly not someone I'd want to ever be with, I dislike shallow people very much. I won't say if he doesn't want to spend nearly all of his time with me that he's not great for that, however he's certainly not my type and I wouldn't be interested then. Asdf is not right and I was on the defensive because what they said was completely rude and the only purpose of saying a pointless one liner like that is to offend. Like you, they have alot of growing up to do.

Your attitude is the starting point of creating your life. If you believe you "will be sad and lonely forever" as you titled this thread, that is what you will create. Thus far, it's what you have created. You put so many restrictions on what you want from someone else....yet they have to accept you as you are. Since you're a virgin, expecting a potential partner to also be a virgin is reasonable. You have something to offer in exchange for what you're asking for. However, all these other stipulations -- they have to accept that you don't go to work or school (what the heck do you do all day???), they have to spend "90% of their time" with you so you don't feel insecure. Gosh, it sure sounds like you'd rather they had NO life of their own and made it all about you. Relationships do not work that way. What are you bringing to the table to make it worth someone's while to be involved with you? Nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted for who you are. But if you want that, then you have to be willing to accept others for who they are in return. I don't see in your posts where you are prepared to do that. Being accepted is one thing, but since you are not working and apparently do not intend to work, it would appear there's also an expectation that a potential partner would also eventually need to financially support you. I'm not a guy, but if I was, I certainly wouldn't find that attractive. Your life is what you've made/make of it. It is your attitude(s) that brought you to where you are. If there is something wrong with your life, then there IS something wrong with your attitude. If you don't like the way your life is (and it sure as heck sounds like you don't), then you start changing it by changing your attitude. Based on your responses to previous posts from people who are trying to help you, I'm concluding that you're not ready to hear it. You may feel you are being bashed, but I rarely see that happen on this site. When I have seen flames, the site moderators have put a stop to it pretty quickly. It's true that some of us are more blunt than others, and you may misinterpret that as hurtful. After hanging around this site for the better part of a year, I can tell you that ALL the regular posters on here have a genuine desire to help. It would appear you don't want to look at the role you have played in creating your situation, nor do you want to take the responsibility for creating something better for yourself. That's your choice. People only change when they reach a maximum level of discomfort. I guess you're not there yet. Best of luck to you. Ok whatever. You have a right to think what you do but you happen to be wrong about just about everything. For one I don't want someone to spend 90% of their time with me because I'm insecure, its because I know what love freaking is, and if one is really, truly in love then they will want that too. They will not want to go out with the guys every night, they will want to be with me. I realize other people have different definations of love and many would not agree....but if a guys going to be my boyfriend then he needs to share my defination or its just not gonna work, nor would I want it to. As far as my attitude, everyone who has a problem with it is the one with the attitude problem, because any one who thinks that someone who has a negative attitude is to blame for it needs to realize that that negative attitude usually comes from bad past experiences. Not that I consider my attitude negative mind you, its more realistic then anything.

You shouldn't have told her you're "not afraid to leave" if things don't get better. It sounds like she has some very good reasons for not wanting to much. You need to try to make her feel more secure in the relationship, she may eventually come around then. If not remember, relationships are about compromise, if you want it everyday and she wants it once a week, you try for maybe 3 times a week. If you really love her you're not going to leave her because of this, especially if the rest of the relationships perfect as you put it.

I want them to be a virgin for numerous reasons, because 1 I am, and I don't want someone more experienced then me, 2 I don't believe in premarital sex and the guy right for me won't either. 3 condoms and birth control are not 100 percent affective, and I want to make sure I 1.don't get a disease and 2. Don't get pregnant by someone who may just up and leave and never be responsible for the kid. 4. I don't want to have to think of all the people they were with before me. That would hurt too much and I'd be constantly worried they were comparing me to them. And yea I know there are good guys out there, but problem is they don't otherwise fit what I want, other then being nice and accepting. In addition to that, my chances are slim to none if I'm not open to the online relationship thing, nobody in my area seems to use dating sites, unless they're at least 25 miles away. A 40 minute drive to see somebody....I can't see most guys wanting to do that when they can find girls who live a 5 minute drive or walk. The person would pretty much have to be as picky as me or they would already be involved.

hope you get used to being alone, cause with that attitude you're gonna be lonely for the rest of your life. With your attitude no one decent would ever want you. There is nothing wrong with my attitude and me wanting someone to accept me just the way I am. Anyone who thinks there is needs to grow up.

I have really bad social anxiety, I've tried it, it didn't work out. So I need someone who will accept me not working or going to school.

Even on the rare chance I ever get over my ex. There is no one else out there for me. I mean come on whos gonna accept someone like me, who doesn't work or go to school? And in addition to that they'd have to be a virgin whos never done anything more then simple quick kissing on the lips (like me), and want to spend nearly all of their time with me. Otherwise I'd be miserable and insecure with them.

Players lie and tell you what you want to hear, because they know if they make you feel understood and special, you're more likely to give them what they want – Sex. This guy lied and told you he was shy, submissive, and socially anxious, because he knew you were looking for someone much like yourself. This is why in your subsequent relationships, it's very important that you focus on the guy's actions, not his "I love you's." Anyone can say those 3 words. It takes a real man to mean them and to act on them. This guy basically strung you along because he was hoping you'd eventually give in and have sex with him. When you basically shot down all hope of intercourse, he started losing interest. He was okay with the relationship as long as he had hope (sex) and as long as you weren't trying to monopolize all his time or control his friendships. When you add in the facts that it's easier to date someone nearby and that you guys were constantly arguing, it's no surprise he got fed up and ended it. Now that it's over, take care of yourself. Eat something please! It's crazy that you haven't eaten in 5 days! Catch some Z's. Rent a funny movie. Go shopping. There's no point in pining over someone who "never existed." Good luck! But he was a virgin (so he always said) and why would he go through all that trouble just for sex? He could have jjust looked for someone in his area. I think he used to act on his feelings, and kind of still did. He would talk to me at least every other day even though he only liked talking on his way to and from work. Add to that that even until the very end he talked to me on aim or in game whenever we were both online, which was pretty much 10 hours a day, even tho he was always more busy doing other stuff and responded kind of slow at times. But I told him to please reply faster and that was one thing he actually did change and start doing. Then theres the fact that before he changed so much we would argue sometimes too, and I'd put him on ignore, back then he'd always do anything to get me back, he would go on numerous other names to IM me and try to fix things. Then after he changed it was always me doing that, even though to be fair he never put me on ignore until today and I'm always the one who ignored him. But he always did things to upset me. He was usually the one to get mad first too.

A few days ago I kept asking my ex over and over if we could try again, he said he didn't love me anymore but I just can't believe it. It hurts so bad. Right now I can't sleep much and the sleep I do get is very fitful. I cry all the time. Theres this heavy ache in my heart. I can't eat either, its been about 5 days now since I've eaten anything. I just have no appitite and I feel so naustous and sick to my stomach.I don't know what to do, it was an online relationship only and I know others have been hurt by online ones like this, but I can't see how anyone could ever be hurt as much as I am. I feel completely and utterly alone, like theres no one in the world who can understand.

Another thing that makes it so hard is we had alot in common. Liked the same music, tv shows, interest in same things, simular beliefs, and we're both very shy and virgins. Well I don't know about the shy part, in the beginning he said he was extremly shy and may even have social anxiety disorder like me. But as time wore on I knew there wasn't anything shy about him, he had alot of friends and was good socially. Later he even started to have a problem with my shyness, he said to try anything to get over it. That and the fact that the first 2 months were so great makes it where I feel I can never move on. I mean theres no one else that could ever compare to that.

` I dumped him, a week later or 2 later after reading the card he sent me month ago I regretted it. Truthfully had he contacted me before I had read it I had ever intention of telling he it was over for good. But there was still a small small part of me that wanted to hear from him. It wasn't overwelming thought until I read the card. I thought of how things used to be and thought maybe we could try again. He doesn't want to though, he said we argued too much. I told him if he changed some things I would too, but he doesn't see it as worth trying, I guess he meant what he said about not loving me anymore. So now I'm left shattered. Thinking everything we had was a lie is really hard, but it seems to be the case.

Trust his actions Lonelioness. He's wiping his feet on your heart like it's a cheap doormat. Are you going to let him take your dignity and self-respect too? I just can't believe that he really wants it to be over. After all he said to me. Our 6 month anniversery card which was 2 months ago, in it he said that he was glad we had such a great 6 months together even though we argue alot and that he hoped we'd always be together because he'd be sad without me. He said he loved me more now then back when we first got together and that 6 months from now he'd love me even more. And now when I asked him the last time I talked to him earlier he said that he didn't love me at all anymore and that its been going away for the past few months. While even though we were arguing alot more then usual the past few months, I never saw that coming. He would always say he loved me just as much as he did before. I feel completely lied to and betrayed. We had our share of problems before this thing with the game, one being he felt he can be friends with a girl in real life who he used to be interested in, yet he told me I wasn't allowed to be friends with another guy online who was interested in me. The hardest part is the first 2 months of our relationship were wonderful, no problems at all. And thinking back to that is what makes everything hurt so much more. Because I don't know why, why he completely changed on me from how he accepetd me and treated me, to what he wanted out of a relationship to even what he was interested in sexually (he told me he was into being very dominent, in the beginning he said he was submissive). I don't understand why he would change like that, he became a completely different person. I would tell him how I felt about him changing too and he would say jokingly "that person never existed" he would never ever explain to me why he was one way in the beginning and then completely changed. I don't even know what hurts more, the break up or that he lied about everything. Granted he was with another girl before me online years ago and after 2 years they never met. My question is this: why would anyone do what he did, pretend to be someone they're not? What could he possibly have gained from it? Why string someone online along like he did me for so long?

I'm not really looking for advice here, I just want to find someone. Theres no point in any advice because none of it will help, I know me and I know I need this to make things easier on me. If I have someone else to love I can be over him alot sooner.