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annie24 wrote Boy, I wished I repeated this to myself when I (as the dumpee) kept trying to keep in contact with my loser ex, especially the last line. I ended up in a wonderful longterm relationship after him whereas he kept going from girl to girl, one of whom dumped him after she graduated college b/c she missed her family. He wasn't worth staying in her college town for! Law, I commend you - you look very strong to her and all of us for not bothering with her. She made herself look less of a human being in everything she's done so far...whereas you held your dignity.

I used to live in the King of Prussia area...I guess that's about a 45 minute drive from Reading so Valley Forge Park is too far? It's a nice day today and that would've been nice to sit in one of the benches and/or maybe have a mini-picnic. I'm all for doing something where you can get to know each other better - ice cream or Rita's Water Ice, coffee, miniature golf - that can break the ice getting into friendly competition. If you do a movie - have you seen Return of the Sith yet? - make sure you include an activity where you can chat at some point. Good luck and have fun!!!

Oops, sorry - I just saw what you said on getting counseling. Do you have EAP (which is free for the first few sessions under some Health Insurance)? All in all one of the best things that helped me with a major breakup was talking, talking, talking to my friends and family. It's good to hear insight on how others have dealt with it as well.

I think the best thing to do right now is to get counseling just to sort everything out. Talk to friends, family if possible. Like Dragonfly said, 9 months is not a lot of time to heal from the breakup of a 10-year marriage...I'm sure that your whole world was in pieces and now you will have to start putting them back together again. You can't do it without help though. I do think that because of the shock of how it ended, you are probably in a constant defense mode - protecting yourself from getting hurt again since it is hard to trust what even seems like a good relationship (ie, with your new guy). But take it from experience, that wall you put up does nothing but prevent you from ever being truly happy when you should be enjoying yourself. Talk to your guy about it and then seek help from whatever source you can so that you can feel WHOLE gain. Good luck.

LostAngel, First of all, that is very brave of you for keeping up the NC for now over a month. Trust me, that is when the healing can truly begin. You are only taking steps forward whether you feel it or not...but calling him will definitely bring you a few steps back. We all feel for you and have all been there. Something like this happened to me a few years ago, where everything seemed to be just fine and *boom* all of a sudden he wants to break up and pursue a girl he met. It was the worst betrayal and I could not get out of this black hole that I was in. An ambush like that makes you not trust even happy times. Allow yourself to hurt and be confused. Things like this can't be rationalized. What I know though is that there is NO WAY that he is not thinking of you - don't believe that b/c he is seeing someone else. I believed that too and and then my ex eventually contacted me months later and told me that he didn't stay in the next few "relationships" after me because none of them could compare to me. I don't know if this makes you feel better right now. Who knows all the reasons guys do these things, like start seeing someone right away. They deal with pain differently or they try to get over you faster. A friend of mine's ex admitted that he started dating a girl right after their breakup to help get past it. That relationship didn't last probably b/c dating someone so soon can just add to the confusion of it all. I'm not saying that these are the things that can or will happen. I'm saying that don't kick yourself or blame yourself for anything, like thinking that it will never be reconciled if you don't contact him. It's not something that we can always control. I know what you mean though - it makes us feel incredibly alone thinking they have moved on. I honestly don't think he has 100% moved on though - I highly doubt it. Hang in there and keep posting as you get past this!!!

I just read the posts and the great replies... to make a long story short my b/f of 1.5 years left me last Saturday night over my jealousy and trust issues. I have been crying everyday since He couldn't stand it any more and it caused him great pain to leave me, but he said that he had to. He felt imprisoned. I had been hurt in a previous relationship very badly and was fearful or getting hurt again so I think that I felt I had more control if I always questioned him and kept him on his toes. WRONG. The thing I realized later was - it was more than trust issues as well...I sometimes seemed to get jealous when he went to see his family all evening, talked about what a friend said. In those situations I wouldn't act jealous but I felt it. Wow, I definitely had a problem. Dragongirl nipped a lot of this on the bud in her first post. I personally think some of it had to do with abandonment issues - my family lives out of state so he was my only "family" and support system. I was warned by friends when me and b/f had a bad fight about my trust issues a month ago. My one guy friend said it would drive him away if I kept it up. He was right; it finally did. I just want to say girls - take care of jealousy issues before you voice them (unless you have a legitimate reason to think something is going on).