Roadmind

Hi Mike, It's good you expressed your true feelings about her, you are right. But this begs the question, what did you ever see in her in the first place? When there is a bad groove on the broken record of life, it is time to get off the groove. Look within yourself for a pattern of choosing the wrong girl. There are reasons for this, but jumping in the old groove in order to figure out how to fix it is a difficult road. Don't let another girl fool you again, and try to heal what is going on inside of you first, before you jump into another relationship and have it happen again. Put this relationship behind you and heal the feelings inside as a first priority. Learn from past mistakes and look with hope for the future, best of luck from now on.

Hi shadowboxer, This relationship is not on an even or equal footing. Something is going on where you are not equal partners. Does he lean on you for support at times, or want you to take care of him like a mother? He sounds like he is not ready for a real relationship, yet you call him your boyfriend. He is not seeing you as his girlfriend, there is more going on to this. Maturity and love have to do with wanting the best for the other partner. It does look like you are shadowboxing in a very lonely relationship where you do not get what you need out of it. Has this been the pattern with past boyfriends? It is time you start doing for you and what makes you happy. Look for support from your girlfriends during this difficult time. I wish you the best of luck.

Hi Tiger, You are right, there is nothing that YOU did wrong. However, whenever another person is in our company and we start talking about our feelings, then the other person has to have an emotional response to this. If you had told the story of the fight with your mother to a girl friend, then she probably would have joined in with comments about her and her mother. Your boyfriends buttons were pushed by the experience. It has to do with how much stress a person can bear. Hurting one's back is physical stress not to mention the physical pain. Eyes that do not see, and ears that do not hear, heart that does not feel. Since he saw and heard you, an emotional response was triggered inside of him. I would definitely talk to him and say you were sorry that he must have experienced some bad feelings and that you were not trying to scare him or hurt him. Who knows what past emotional hurt he has suffered in the past, now brought to light with the back pain. You should not feel guilty but instead be more sensitive and understanding of what your boyfriend felt. Try not to probe, but tell him that if he ever wants to talk about this you are there to listen to him.

Hi, One thing that stands out in your post is the surprise of your fiancee telling you it's over. Communication between the two of you is not what it should be. If you do not have a clue why she would break up, then the two of you do not know each other emotionally. The relationship appears superficial in some regards, and perhaps the hope of having a life together filled some void in your fiancee. That hope has disappeared and someone needs to find out why. Couples therapy may be of help that is both of you are willing to explore the truthful feelings that are inside. You are hurting from a very significant loss, it is time to get support. Wishing you the very best in this very difficult situation.

Hi, People put up walls in different ways. Could your jovial manner be such a wall? She may be interested in you but as long as the conversation is joking then she may not take you seriously. We all remember the class clown in school, seemed to have a lot of friends around, but not close to anyone, inside a very lonely and confused person. Look within yourself to see what kind of person you are. Are you too nice a guy? Is cooking your way to serve others, but feel that people walk all over you? Could you be co-dependant inside? If that is the case, it may take a while to realize this. One important clue is when bending over for people no longer gives you pleasure. Progressing further there may come a time when you are actually miserable and angry over how others treat you. When you begin to figure out what is inside you, you will become more able to understand others and starting having meaningful relationships. Good luck on the road of life,