clarkster2005

If the letter is the way forward, then what do I do about us meeting up??? Do I cancel??? Or meet up and not talk about the relationship??

Hey thanks, This is the second time weve met up though since breaking up, so Im thinking whether i should go through with it. When we broke up it was all sudden, so I thought that maybe we should try and talk properly one week later, but I still didnt get any closure.... Its only now since then that Ive thought about what happened and seen that some of my mistakes caused this breakup, which is what i wanna tell her. Do you think its a good idea or not????? I was thinking of writing a letter saying everything and then goodbye and goodluck.

Hi, im probably not doing the right thing here, but i rang my ex last night for a chat and asked if she wanted to meet up this thursday. She agreed. We broke up a bout 6 weeks ago, she dumped me. She says there were a few reasons as to why, but im still unsure as to what happened. Looking back i think it was insecurity. I met her not long after she split with her ex, so she was going to be wary. I didnt really do enough to make her feel secure and she felt that we wanted different things. I suppose we did to a point, but ultimatly I wanted the same as her, which was to be together.....so I thought. Its not as though we never did anything. we did loads, and she told me that i was her perfect boyfriend!!!! there wasnt nothing I would do for her....I suppose I just wanted to take things slow, as what had happened in her and my past, but I think she got the wrong idea and wanted to plan the future. I told her this and she understood, but I think she just saw the relationship going nowhere....she wasnt the greatest of communicators, which was another problem!!!!! ANyway, I wanted to tell her this, that I had seen my mistakes and if it wasnt too lateand if she wanted to, that we could try and sort out the problems. When i rang, she sounded like shes moved on already, going out all the time, clubbing etc, no emotion in her voice at all, like we never met!!!!! not sure if it was an act or not. Anyway, im unsure whether what i want to say will work, but I feel that if i dont try one more time to sort stuffout that i wont be able to move on!!!! Iknow that the odds arnt in my favour, but i need to tell her how it is............... Or shall I just leave well alone??? Please help

Hi, I understand what your saying. I rang her last night to see if she wants to meet up and she has agreed to. Now i dont know how to play it. Part of me really needs to try and tell her that we are worth trying again, and the things I need to tell her are that i know what my mistakes were and that we can fix them....if she wants to. Then leave the ball in her court. I dont think I can live with myself if I dont tell her this, so I can look back further down the road and see that i tried everything. When speaking to her on the phone, she seemed like she had no emotion at all, like we hadnt spent a year together. I suppose there are answers that I need to get as well, perhaps thats why im doing it, to get closure. On the other hand, part of me would liek to meet her, have a nice time, then leave it completely.....or should I cancel altogether. We are planning to meet on Thursday. Please help!!!!

thats how i feel. She broke up with me, so I know that it may not get what i want, but i just feel that i need to tell her this, as she may not be aware. As i think this is the root to all our problems. I do think its worth trying again, but as you say, i wont force the issue but pointng fingers.

one thing I forgot to add was that I was maybe planning to write a letter explaning all this, and then saying that maybe a break would be good foer both of us and just say goodbye.......I keep swinging from doing this, to wanting to meet her and tell her.

Split up from my ex about 6 weeks ago. Many reasons she gave for the breakup, but looking back I think i can see that the main problem was insecurity. From her and me. I met here a few months after she split with ex. They had bought a house together, and she was still living there for 3 months after I met her. Thinking now, it was probably too soon, as she didnt really have time to be single. She also has always been dumped in her life, so she was always going to be wary of somebody new. I really wanted to take the relationship slow because of this factor and also because I was a bit insecure about my last relationship. I think that my new ex wanted to feel secure but i didnt do a very good job of it. Im quite adventurous, and had thoughts of maybe wanting to move abroad one day. She came to me and said that she was worried about this. I reassured her that It was something i might want to do but also that i would like her to come with me, but that it was a far off plan and thats all it was. There were a few other things that made her inscure that i look back on and wish I could turn the clock back. Like she said that she maybe would be moving closer to where I was living, as she lived far away, (althoiugh we did see each other once in the week and at weekends) and that she would get a flat with her friend. I had talked about us doing a trip together for a month, and that as she was at home now, it would be great so that she can save money, so I didnt think it was a great idea for her to move. A) because she would not be able to affored the trip and B) I think i got scared that as she was moviong int a flat that she would change or we would change......my insecurity!!!!! and C) she didnt really earn enough money and that she would be skint all the time) I look back and think that was a huge mistake. She took it completey the wrong way and i tolde her that I didnt mean for it to sound that bad, and why I said it, but to this day she remembers that. So with all these insecurities, I think thats why we ended, as she reckons we want different things. Thing is I really do want what she wants, a life together, a future stable relationship, as we are rerally meant for each other. we had communication problems as well, but i put this down to inscurities as well, like talking about important stuff. We went along in our little bubble and never really told each other of our concerns. Wrong again!!!! Anyway, I contacted her a week ago, 5 weeks after we split and just said Hi. now i want to meet up with her, and ultimatly get her back, but I feel that I need to tell her that i want the same as her, and that I didnt mean to make her insecure and that I was never going to leave her like her ex's. Are these things that cant be sorted out, as we have identified the problems, so we can fix them!!!! What do I do?? My plan is to meet her (If she agrees) and then maybe talk to her about it and tell her that i want a life with her and that i do want all this things that she wants, or do I meet up with her and not mention the relationship and make sure she has a wicked time with me. Opinions please.

Hi all, Have been broken up with my girl for the past 4 weeks. We were together 1 year. The reasons she broke up with me are numerous, and im not even sure what the real answer is. She said that she wants to be on her own, to be single, as she has things to sort out., that I need to do things etc ?? I look back and I think my mistakes that I made were that maybe i didnt show her a commitment level that she wanted. We met just after she had split up with her ex, which she lived with, so I told her after 7 months, when she asked me that we never talk about the future, that we should still take things slow and not rush things as we hadnt been together a year yet. We had talked about doing a trip together, for a month round Europe, and that I thought that was something for us to look forward to for the future, I even thought about us getting a flat together, but again, didnt want to suffocate her, as i knew what had happened in the past. 6 weeks after she asked me about the future, she told me that shes going away with her friend for a week, which meant that the trip we talked about was off. I wasnt happy at all, not about the trip, but about the fact she had just gone and booked this holiday like if she was single. I said that we needed to talk about things. we sat down and I said that we needed to talk better and express our feelings and concerns to each other, and that if she had anything to tell me, that she could tell me anytime. I also said that I had been thinking of the future and that maybe we could get a flat together, if that was something she might want, I asked her about the trip we were going to do and she never really wanted to do it,( WHY COULDNT SHE TELL ME EARLIER).....I then asked her how she felt about me and she paused!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said that I could say without question that i loved her, she said that she did love me and that she wanted to be with me, but that pause stayed with me......after then things went down hill. At easter, I messed up again (only human) she was supposed to come down to see me as she lived quite far away, on Good Friday, but i had told her weeks ago that I was helping my mate move. I rang her and told her that i would be finished by 5 and that I was going to go to the gym after and then i would pick her up. I thought this would be ok as we were going to spend all weekend together as it was a long weekend, but we were mainly going to be doing things with her mates, and not just us............she wasnt happy, and told me that she wasnt coming down and that she felt tlike the relationship wanst worth it, and that as we hardly saw each other how could we have a relationship. Thats contradictive i think, to say that we dont see each other, and for her to stop coming down on the Friday??? I even said that we would take it in turns and see more of each other, but her answer was that that would be too much. I apologised for what happened and said that I did mess up, and that she had evry right to be upset, but this talk of hers was worrying me. we had a talk on the phone but that didnt seem to help. I used to go and see her in the week and sometime she would ask me to come later as she wanted to do overtime at her work. Why couldnt she do it another night. but i never said anything as it didnt bother me that much!!!!! I used to go and see her during the week after work, and she would come to stay at mine all weekend, this then went down to her just coming on Saturdays and going home Sundays......I asked her a couple of times to maybe stay Sunday night and why did she stop coming down on Fridays, but she didnt asnwer, or had an excuse. ....................2 weeks later she dumped me. Now I dont even know how it could have gone so bad from December to early Feb, 6 weeks later when she told me she was going on holiday with her friend, as that when I sensed things were going downhill. We are so meant to be together, we clicked straight away and enjoyed each others company so much, and never argued. I think the problem we had was that we got on so well that maybe we thought we were in this bubble and that if one of us brought up a problem, that would spoil things................and thats wrong. She tells me that im the best b/f shes ever had and im so perfect for her. I tried to reason with her a week later to try and make her see sense, but she didnt want to know, and it came accross that she had been thinking this way for ages. Now what do I do? I would really like to try again with her, and I think we could work things out if we talked about them, as I truly think we are meant to be together, but im not sure how to play it. I have played NC for month now. She said that she wanted us to stay in contact but I said I wasnt sure, part of me also thinks that its well and truly over and I have no chance!!!! Do I write her a letter to say goodbye but explain everything and say that what we had was special, or do I get back in touch, be friendly with her and make her see what shes missing, and then see if she wanst to talk about it?? or what??? Sorry for it being so long. Thanks for reading, any ideas about the breakup or what to do would be really well received!!!

I do think its probably too early, as I saw her last only 3 weeks ago when I tried to sort everything out, and havnt been in touch since. One of the things I gathered was that she wanted space to be on her own, thats what she said. So I will repsect that and leave her be. Maybe I will contact her maybe I wont. I would like to try again at the relationship, but would be wary as she is sombody who doesnt really express her feelings that well, which sould cause problems.

Hey thanks for your input, Her decision was one that was made up ages ago, as when she told me it was over, she seemed a different person, quite cold in fact...maybe a front I dunno... She did say that she wanted to remian in contact. Now that either means that she is so over me that she has no problems seeing me as a friend or that she wants her cake and eat it...again I dunno. I ssaid that I wasnt sure about that and havent spoke to her since. What do u think would be the best way to play it???

Hi all, would really appreciate advice on what steps to take. Im about a month into being dumped by my ex, and about 3 weeks into no contact. The reason its 3 weeks is that after a week of being dumped we met up and I tried to see if I could sort it out, but no luck. I'll try and keep the story brief. We were together a year, and I met her about 3 months after she had split up with her ex (who she bought a house with). In the beggining she wasnt sure and mucked me about, but eventually we got it together. She lives quite a way from me, and we only saw each other once in the week and at weekends. I would go up and see her straight from work during the week, and she would come down at the weekend. Things were going well, we really clicked and to me she was the most amazing girl. She even told me I was the perfect boyfriend and all that. I loved her so much, and was really nice to her and did loads of things for her. Shes dumped me now for reasons I dont even think she knows. That the spark has gone, that we dont talk, that she now just wants to be on her own, that we never see each other, I prompted her if she fell out of love with me, and she said yes. ????? (Confused...which one) Its not as though I was invading her space, as i didnt want to pressure her after coming out of that last relationship, as we didnt see each other all the time, but on the other hand perhaps she wanted some security from me and to tell her we would be together forever. I just dunno. Our communication wasnt great, and she booked a holiday with her mate when we were planning to do a trip together. i knew then that we had problems. One of the reasons our communication was bad I think was that she was quite quiet and never really told me how she felt.....she said once that she didnt even know if I wanted kids...and I said that she never really asked me...and your never gonna know stuff if you dont ask!!! She also said that she couldnt approach me about stuff, but on the other hand used to love that I was easy going (WHAT).......all my mates say im really approachable and loads of people confide in me all the time.....that just didnt make sense, and seemed very contradictive. After that i sat her down and said that we need to sort out our communication issues. I told her that I wasnt happy she was going away, but i wasnt going to stop her, and when she got back she said she really missed me. I told her that if shes got any issues at all that she needs to let me know so we could work it out....but by then i think it was over. This is the time line: Had an excellent Xmas together, went away for New Year, in Feb she tells me that shes going away, and things just werent right. Forgot to say that from Nov to Feb I was unemplyed.....so money was tight so we couldnt really do a lot of exciting stuff. That makes it about 1 month that she lost interest and fell out of love!!!!!! Crazy After this, things went down hill, she used to come down on a Friday and stay all weekend, but then she started coming down Saturday Mornings and going Sunday afternoons, she was less affectionate with me and didnt want much physical contact.......I suppose that I saw the signs but didnt ask her what was wrong, as I didnt want to her to say what she was eventually going to say. That she wanted to finish with me. Another thing that didnt make sense and was quite contradidtive was on one hand she said that how could we have a relationship with somebody if u never saw them, and then she would go out with her mates a lot. I also got the impression that she got bored if it was just me and her going out. Her mates played a big part in her life and she always liked going out with them before i met her and whilst i was with her. I never stopped her going out wit her mates as we both had lives, and I went out with her loads of times with all of them. It was like we had a big group. But I suppose I always thought I was stopping her from being single and from being with all her single mates. I just dont understand how it can turn so sour after a short space of time!!!! Now I dont know what to do,. I was thinking of writing a letter to tell her that I did want a life with her, if the reasons of the breakup was lack of security. And to tell her that if she wants it or thinks shes made a mistake that we can rectify it all, or should i just leave well alone and get on with things??? Please help as Im going nuts. Sorry for not making so breif as I first thought.

Well said Mick8888. The best things for you to do are to concentrate on yourself, do things that will take your mind off your situation. Work on you as at the moment, you are are the most important thing in your life. Going to the gym is good one as, like you say, it helps you sleep, but it will also help with your confidence in the future. Your confidence is probably rock bottom, so working on yourself, making yourself look better, makes you feel better, so in time, your confidence will return. Im going through the exact same thing, so your not on your own mate. Its tough, very tough, but the two things u need to keep are staying positive and keeping busy. Take each day or week as it comes. One of the things that keeps me going is that I know It will get better, as ive been through it before. And it will get better, there is no doubt. You just need time. But use the time to focus on yourself. There are lot different people out there, and i always keep telling myself that Im not going to meet somebody like my ex again. But on the other hand, i never knew she existed until I met her. And I remember saying that exact same thing about my ex before that, but you do go on to meet somebody even better, they are out there, and I am sure you will meet somebody even better than your ex......so like they say down under...no worries mate.

Hi all, I just wanted to see if I could get some help for reasons or answers to my breakup with my G/F, as she doesnt seem to be giving me one. Ive been seeing her for about a year, and I met her at a time where she had just broke up with her ex ( maybe 1 month gap in between). We clicked straight away and felt so comfortable with each other so quickly.We done loads of stuff together and got on so well, Im sure that I havent got on with anybody so well before. We never ever argued and always had the same interests, inlcuding going out clubbing, for meals etc....in a way, a couple that I thought was so right for each other. I knew that this girl was really special, and I really did treat her so well, we went away for her Bday, I bought her presents and just treated her so well......I thought. We only had a couple of problems, she lived on the other side of town (London, UK), so we only got to see each other once in the week and on weekends (Fri, Sat , Sun), but every time we met up, we had a great time. Everything was going well, and i was planning a trip away for a month for the both of us as we both talked about doing a trip round Europe. We'll I thought we both wanted it, as our other problem was, i guess, was our communication. Her way of telling me she didnt want to do the trip was to arrange a skiing trip with her friend for a week!!!!!!!! I was well shocked, so I sat her down and we talked, and she said that she didnt really want to do the trip but couldnt tell me before hand, but told me now that she was going with her friend. We had a good talk, and i asked her how she felt about me, and she paused!!!! I knew there was a problem from then on. Over tha last 6 - 8 weeks, things havnt been right, physically she hasnt really been there, like holding hands and showing affection, and then we had another confrontation where again she was saying that this might not be what she wants, as we dont see each other much now (We went to seeing each other once in the week, then once at the weekend), and she said that there was no spark anymore which I cant understand as we always had a laugh and enjoyed each others company. There wasnt anything I wouldnt do for her. I suppose I wanted to bury under the rug and ignore what she was saying, which was wrong, until a week later when she dunped me!!! Now what she's saying is really confusing. 1. That when i met her she had just split up with her ex (But that was over a year ago), 2 that she wants to now be on her own 3 that the spark has gone!!! (basically that she has fallen out of love with me in 2 months, which I think is crazy if your in love with somebody). She said that she has been having these thoughts since Feb, before her going away. And she couldnt tell me, I just so wished she could, so we might have been able to sort it out. Im totally shocked as we are so meant for each other..we really are. I did everything for her and treated her so well, and she even told me I was her perfect B/F!!!! I just wish i knew what the reasons are. She wasnt a girl to muck people around, or string people along or be selfish or self centred...this is what is making this breakup so hard for me. She used to mention that we maybe wanted different things, as she was quite a homely girl and i was bit more adventurous who like to travel etc, bu that doesnt mean we are going in differemt directions right? Its so typical that the week she dumped me was the week that i was going to say to her that we should start to see more of each other again, and go back to the way things were. She also used to like going out a lot with her friends, who most of are single. i even used to go out with her and her mates, and never ever stopped her going out, but maybe she missed that life i dunno, maybe thats it as well. I also look back and see that from day one, i always really made the effort to get the affection. I even tried to talk her round, to make her see the light and that she was making a massive mistake because we felt so good with each other, but she had made her mind up already, and nothing was going to change it. Sorry for rambling on a bit, but any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Kind Regards Dave.