trinitystorm

the question is IF she comes back to you.... as the for the part about wanting to marry her- that's all fine. I am sure you will know how to handle the situation when and if it arises. But do not get ahead of yourself. The reality is that she is gone.

ice- i totally feel for ya dude... I too was praying to God, asking him to give me the strength to get over him... to bring him back to me... to make him happy even if He decides that we were not meant to be. There is nothing wrong with having faith that things will work out for the best.....

hmmmm.... like I said, ppl's minds change. But right now, the harsh reality is that she has called things off. And the best thing for you to do is not dwell on her and hope that things will work out, but be strong- work on yourself. Be the person that she fell in love with at the beginning.... and I think only then there may be a chance....

ice- I don't think that once a woman's mind is made up, that's it... actually it's once a man's mind is made up that's it. But regardless of which is right... people's minds do change. So basically everything depends on her. I am sure she is very confused right now, and probably needs space (which you are giving her). I wish I could say more to help you. But I think even you know that you have to wait til you get your answer from immigration before you make a move.

ice- i agree- there are pressure from living in Asia that you might not find elsewhere- especially someplace as conservative in many ways like japan. For me, I notice that everytime I step out of the city, I feel like a load has lifted from my shoulders.... but here, everywhere you turn- people are asking you when you get married, your parents and even strangers. My grandfather is 94 and he says that he wants to see me married before he dies! no pressure of course! haha.. Perhaps it is the same for your ex... and perhaps the response was to escape... and that is why she has left? Of course I do not know exactly what happened between you both... So the old bf is hanging around wanting to be with her? And you are waiting to head back to japan to work things out? How long has it been since the breakup? If she is not being responsive -then I think you should continue NC... we do all these things that we think will bring the ex back but it only pushes them away... such as write letters, call constantly- declare your love- say that you will change- that you have changed.... the best thing is to be strong and live your life. Only when you have regained who you are- not your broken self, that you can approach her. my two cents

ice- is the old ex japanese? The reason why I ask this is b/c you said she was japanese. And despite her living half her life in the west, she is still a japanese woman. Also, pressure from her parents probably have an affect on her even if she does not admit. The same thing happened to me - I am also asian who lived in Canada most of my life. My parents disapproved of my ex and that negatively affected the relationship even though I didn't think so at the time...... Basically, I think I secretly wanted their approval. But that was really stupid of me since they are not the ones who will be living with the guy. So, perhaps your girl will come to her senses too. If she has hooked up with the old bf, then all you can do is be strong. In the meantime, live your life. Life is seriously too short to be waiting around. or you can come to korea where there are lots of hot girls. haha

antigone77- we went out for 2.5 years.....overall our relationship was relatively smooth but I just wasn't sure about him and what I wanted out of the relationship.... I was repeatedly pushing him away, saying that I needed time to think. We would have fights and and say it's over but we always got back together again a few days later. Looking back, I didn't realize how good I had it and how happy I was....how happy we were. But now, it's over. And I know that he is also trying to move on and see other people. And as I mentioned before, he has not initiated anything. I would like it give it one more go- to see if there is any chance of us being together, but my friends and everyone around me say to just forget about him. It's not that easy even if it's been 6 months. And at the end, he did not say that he loved me. He just said he was tired of our relationship. He wanted to get settled down and I guess it was me how didn't know what I wanted. Now I want the same thing but ..... oh well.

Your story sounds just like mine- repeated breakups and he finally got tired of it and said "that's it- no more". It has been 6 months, we are talking occasionally online, I have even mentioned that we should meet up, but there is nothing more. He has not initiated anything. Not even a chat. If actions speak louder than words, then his actions tell me that there is no chance of getting back together. I am trying to move on with my life..... p.s. we are in the same city and hang out in the same area, so there might be a chance I bump into him....

I shouldn't have gone to see a tarot card reader today, but after finding out that the ex has a new gf...i wanted to see what my chances were of getting back together. The outcome was bad- the cards said that (1) he has already moved on (2) will not come back b/c of what he said and will not go back on his word (3) we will continue to contact each other for the next 4 months. I stopped NC last week with a "how ya doin" email. We exchanged a few emails and finally tonight I called him. It was driving me insane and I had to find out how he was doing. I called him at around 11 at night and woke him up. He seemed happy to hear from me. We chatted, flirted a little and laughed like no time has passed. I asked him how he was doing 3 times hoping that he might bring up that he has a gf. But alas, he did not. Shouldn't he have been honest and told me? Also he asked me how I was doing and said "good good". Perhaps I shouldn't have emphasized it.... ooooh.... so now what? do i believe in the cards or to fate? Should I keep trying to be friendly and call him... perhaps even out to coffee? Perhaps I should describe our situation... we went out for 2.5 years.... by the 2nd year, he wanted a commitment. He kept asking me when do you want to get married etc and I couldn't give him a straight answer. One of the reasoning being- i know this is going to sound stupid- but my parents totally hated his family. We are all from the same town and the community is very small. And well, this put a strain on our relationship. As well, I was not sure I wanted to get married... I was still thinking of going back to grad school and thinking about moving to another country etc. So in February of this year, he gave me an ultimateum- he told me that I had to tell my family that I wanted to get married to him or I would have to move out. And well.... February past and I moved out. In mid April, I was feeling out of sorts and didn't feel like driving over to the other part of town to have dinner with him. I felt almost obliged. By this time, things were on the downslide, we were having problems... fighting, i was talking about having a "break" etc and we started to get on each others nerves. So anyways, he called and asked me when I was coming over and I said that I really wanted to stay at home... then he goes off the handle and ended up breaking up with me that day. The next day, we talked and talked, and he said that he give it his best but it wasn't good enough for me etc..... In june, I was going crazy- we were doing the NC thing and I had to find out what the future was going to be like. I went to a fortune teller who told me that it was not our time to be breaking up and she told me to call him. I did. We talked... and it seemed that we were going to try again. But then, he changed his mind. He said that he had to take care of himself. That he is trying to move on with his life. I told him that I would give him some time to think about it. He was going on a biz trip... so anyways, before the trip, I called him again, and he said that i should expect the worst. That it is not going to work out. In mid July, I saw him at a party. He looked like he aged 10 years and lost more weight. When I saw him, I ignored him...but he came up to me and we started chatting. He says that i am being quiet and I said that there is nothing to talk about since things are over between us, and he said yah, it's over and he walked away. But all night, I could tell he was checking me out. I made sure that I was having a good time. That was the last we spoke.

thanks iceesnowbubble, I think I will unblock him to see what happens.... k33- i know what you mean by saying that HE should make the first move... but for my case, not sure if I should be the one who is persistent... or him. He was the one who dumped me but I was the one who didn't want to commit.... so where does that put me?

oh, that was fun... i need to rent the movie....

I broke NC after 3 months with a short "hi" email - he responded the next day and we emailed each other a couple more times. The emails were casual and short- talking about what's happening these days. His last email didn't ask any questions, so I didn't reply. Now, not sure whether I should start emailing him again. I know that he doesn't like to email, so I should think of this as a good sign.... hmmmm I have also blocked him from msn... maybe I should unblock him. What do you all think?

i totally with scout- you have to go against your emotions and be patient.

looks like a good sign.... but remember to play it cool.... keep us updated.

wow~ you must truly be in love with this woman in order to endure as much as you did and STILL want her back!! I wish my bf would think the same way. Although, come to think of it, the trigger for our breakup was the fact that I didn't want to drive out to his part of the town to spend time with him. haha. Saying it again sounds like a stupid reason to breakup with someone, but of course, it was a culmination of things. Anyways, i digress. You should keep your email contacts as long as you feel comfortable. I read somewhere that it should be max once a week. Of course the rule is not written in stone. However, this will give you time to heal and also give her the space that she needs......