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Thread: Why he is not total honest?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    He seems like a genuine guy who may be embarrassed to admit what happened to him. Now that your relationship has gone up a level, he feels is is time to open up to you. Id cut him some slack. It sounds like it was a difficult time for him.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you from the same culture, religion or country? Is there a language barrier? It seems there is very poor communication. Have you been to his home/country? It sounds like he is still married and has a secret life away from you. You met just once?

    Sorry, you are wasting your time on him of you want a real-life in-person real relationship. Why did you choose someone so far away? Is this a foreign bride situation? What are you looking for and hoping for?
    Originally Posted by Ksen
    We met in internet, already talking around 1 year, after he travel here then we had hung out for getting together.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 06-06-2020 at 11:16 AM.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree - he doesn't seem completely comfortable with his marriage and divorce. Speaking from personal experience, those are red flags that a person hasn't had enough time to process and make peace with their past.

    I think feeling hurt and wary are valid feelings on your part. Yes, I would be put off also if someone kept the details (the seriousness of a particular past relationship) from me.

    Having been married myself and dating a man who was recently out of a long term marriage, there is so much faith, love, commitment involved that the break down can be absolutely soul-crushing and painful. A person needs time to process all of that, the end of a marriage.

    I don't think he's a bad person.

    I only would caution you forwards. My biggest caution to you going forwards is that he may be the type to take his sweet time telling you things (important things/details) as he sees fit, and not with enough consideration towards you and how you may feel about it in the long term.

    Always remember that in a relationship it takes two.

  4. #24
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    No, but not language barrier. I havent been his country, he had been here twice, once met, once trip with me.
    I don't know, just because he said he likes me, and came here, I think why not try.

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  6. #25
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    Yea, he is a smart and good person.
    But seems only good for himself. If he told me before we met or when we just talked, I wont into this relationship. If when I asked about his relationship that he told me turth I will not feel bad as now. After fall in love with him, he told me so, I only feel that's like a lie

  7. #26
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    Yeah, that's almost I feeling. Do you think he still love his exwife so it's hard to say anything about her?

    I also feeling he doesn't care about what I feeling. He rarely ask me what I think, what I care or what I mind. I want to share opinions, but he seems doesn't like. And for me if like a person I would like to tell everything to him whatever sad or happy, but he only said that's make he feel bad. So I always thinking maybe he liked talk everything to his ex, not me.

    Ive tried to understand what his thought or anythings, but I really feel alone in this relationship.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ksen
    Ive tried to understand what his thought or anythings, but I really feel alone in this relationship.
    Well if that's the case then you really need to reconsider whether it's worth being in it.

    You've only met the once (I can't quite get my head around this as being a relationship but, hey ho, I'm old school) so it's hard to know what someone should expect at this point or how serious a relationship like this could ever be. I mean, you're in different countries. If this is more about the relationship as a whole rather than it being about this one episode, then I would consider ending it and trying to find someone a bit closer to home. I am very much convinced that such a distance and such a lack of physical connection (and I'm not just talking about sex) breeds insecurity and doubt.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ksen
    Yeah, that's almost I feeling. Do you think he still love his exwife so it's hard to say anything about her?

    I also feeling he doesn't care about what I feeling. He rarely ask me what I think, what I care or what I mind. I want to share opinions, but he seems doesn't like. And for me if like a person I would like to tell everything to him whatever sad or happy, but he only said that's make he feel bad. So I always thinking maybe he liked talk everything to his ex, not me.

    Ive tried to understand what his thought or anythings, but I really feel alone in this relationship.
    Those are signs this isn't what it should be. Sorry, Ksen. I can see how you're interpreting a lot of mixed signals from him. On one hand, he tells you all this a little too late and on the other hand, it's under the pretense that it's to start a serious relationship. One, you now distrust him and two, there's a bright orange carrot (a serious relationship). I think he needs more time to process his past.

    Feeling alone is a symptom of communication break down and lack of sharing and honesty between people. If you're feeling isolated and invalidated, take those and process them too.

    I wouldn't waste energies wondering about whether he's in love with his ex or comparing yourself to her. You're on a slippery slope there. Focus on you and how you feel. The second you start comparing yourself to another woman is the moment things are willy nilly and you'll lose your sense of self. You'll also put him in the position of validating what the both of you share and that's exhausting.

    Just look at what has happened between the both of you and the way you feel in the relationship. If you're not happy, take a time out and ask for some time to think things through. Maybe a few days or a week. I've never been a fan of hasty decisions and it's especially when you're upset that you shouldn't be making any. If it's not right for you, you'll know what to do.

  10. #29
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    Are you the type of person that wants to review endlessly every poor decision another has made in their life? Then to point to them for some kind of control over a situation?

    If so, then this guy is not for you.

    On the other hand, if you are just trying to soothe your insecurities about how a person in your life deals with choices, then try to limit those incursions into his past and accept him as a human being who was married early in life. You've had prior relationships too, so it is a learning experience. Stop probing.

  11. #30
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    I think past is also important of person what decided who is him too. Yes, I told him if I am not proper to him, he should break up.
    I didn't have any relationship before if you read all.

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