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Why he is not total honest?


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Yeah, that's almost I feeling. Do you think he still love his exwife so it's hard to say anything about her?

 

I also feeling he doesn't care about what I feeling. He rarely ask me what I think, what I care or what I mind. I want to share opinions, but he seems doesn't like. And for me if like a person I would like to tell everything to him whatever sad or happy, but he only said that's make he feel bad. So I always thinking maybe he liked talk everything to his ex, not me.

 

Ive tried to understand what his thought or anythings, but I really feel alone in this relationship.

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Ive tried to understand what his thought or anythings, but I really feel alone in this relationship.

 

Well if that's the case then you really need to reconsider whether it's worth being in it.

 

You've only met the once (I can't quite get my head around this as being a relationship but, hey ho, I'm old school) so it's hard to know what someone should expect at this point or how serious a relationship like this could ever be. I mean, you're in different countries. If this is more about the relationship as a whole rather than it being about this one episode, then I would consider ending it and trying to find someone a bit closer to home. I am very much convinced that such a distance and such a lack of physical connection (and I'm not just talking about sex) breeds insecurity and doubt.

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Yeah, that's almost I feeling. Do you think he still love his exwife so it's hard to say anything about her?

 

I also feeling he doesn't care about what I feeling. He rarely ask me what I think, what I care or what I mind. I want to share opinions, but he seems doesn't like. And for me if like a person I would like to tell everything to him whatever sad or happy, but he only said that's make he feel bad. So I always thinking maybe he liked talk everything to his ex, not me.

 

Ive tried to understand what his thought or anythings, but I really feel alone in this relationship.

 

Those are signs this isn't what it should be. Sorry, Ksen. I can see how you're interpreting a lot of mixed signals from him. On one hand, he tells you all this a little too late and on the other hand, it's under the pretense that it's to start a serious relationship. One, you now distrust him and two, there's a bright orange carrot (a serious relationship). I think he needs more time to process his past.

 

Feeling alone is a symptom of communication break down and lack of sharing and honesty between people. If you're feeling isolated and invalidated, take those and process them too.

 

I wouldn't waste energies wondering about whether he's in love with his ex or comparing yourself to her. You're on a slippery slope there. Focus on you and how you feel. The second you start comparing yourself to another woman is the moment things are willy nilly and you'll lose your sense of self. You'll also put him in the position of validating what the both of you share and that's exhausting.

 

Just look at what has happened between the both of you and the way you feel in the relationship. If you're not happy, take a time out and ask for some time to think things through. Maybe a few days or a week. I've never been a fan of hasty decisions and it's especially when you're upset that you shouldn't be making any. If it's not right for you, you'll know what to do.

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Are you the type of person that wants to review endlessly every poor decision another has made in their life? Then to point to them for some kind of control over a situation?

 

If so, then this guy is not for you.

 

On the other hand, if you are just trying to soothe your insecurities about how a person in your life deals with choices, then try to limit those incursions into his past and accept him as a human being who was married early in life. You've had prior relationships too, so it is a learning experience. Stop probing.

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I think past is also important of person what decided who is him too. Yes, I told him if I am not proper to him, he should break up.

I didn't have any relationship before if you read all.

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Yes, I am very feel confused from his sign now.

Even with others problems, he had ignored me or treated me bad occasionally, so that made me want to compared.

I already lost my thinking, right, I need time.

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I think he is still married in his country. You are the vacation mistress. Why are you bothering with this? Are there no local single men you wish to date?

I havent been his country, he had been here twice. Do you think he still love his exwife so it's hard to say anything about her? I always thinking maybe he liked talk everything to his ex, not me. I really feel alone in this relationship.
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It's easy to feel alone in a relationship when you've only seen the other person twice.

 

Why did you decide to engage in a relationship with someone who lives in another country and who you've only seen twice? I would imagine there are single men in your country.

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To answer your question in the title, Ksen, he was not totally honest because he was afraid you would not date him should you know earlier, as you said yourself. He waited until you "fell in love with him," until he had more confidence that you would not leave. Some people might say he's a genuine guy just slow to open up. To me he was manipulative and deliberately wasted your time. Other than that, this relationship sounds fraught with issues. You are long distance and he barely communicates or cares about what you think or want. Don't obligate yourself to a relationship just because he made the trip to your country. You deserve much more than that.

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Hi, because he divorced in court, and didn't divorced in church. I asked him would he divorced in church for me, he said no, becuase don't divorced in church then his exwife can't marry in church anymore the she will feel bad. So maybe she still most important for him

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Why are you talking about marriage after 2 meetings? He is still married. Can you find a local single man? He loves his wife so why help him cheat? It was vacation hookups and that's all. You are wasting your time on him. You don't even know how or where he lives.

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He is LEGALLY divorced.

 

It sounds to me like the religion doesn’t condone divorce and THAT is why he is not divorced religiously.

And even if he was divorced in the eyes of the church , the church probably wouldn’t allow a religious wedding ceremony for either again.

So basically it does NOT matter!!

 

And why do YOU care?

You have only met him twice. You don’t know him.

He doesn’t know you.

 

And here you are creating drama before he does get to know you. He won’t hang around for much longer listening to you berating him and stalking his EX wife.

 

If you don’t like him then stop talking to him. I can’t even say dump him because you are not even in a relationship with him.

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You only saw him twice. You are not obligated to tie yourself to a man you don't even know very well.

 

Meet a local man who you can actually see in person. And one without this past you are not able to accept.

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In my religion you can’t divorce in church. You can legally get divorced but in the church you have to have the marriage annulled by the Priest for it to be considered invalid in the church. So maybe it’s the same thing with him?

 

You really don’t know this guy. Talking to him online for a year isn’t the same as being face to face. I talked to someone online for that length of time thinking I had a relationship. The truth is, you really don’t. He doesn’t owe you an explanation.

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