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Thread: In desperate need of help to fall out of love

  1. #1

    In desperate need of help to fall out of love

    For a couple years now I've had a crush on a girl. About a year ago I asked her out and was rejected. I thought I was ok with it and that I could move on, but no matter how hard I try I can't get over my feelings for her. No one else seems to even come close to how perfect she was, and right now it just feels impossible to ever move on. Any thoughts?

  2. #2
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    see if this resonates

  3. #3
    Member simple cure's Avatar
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    That's a long time to have a crush. Since you two never actualized the relationship, it doesn't seem healthy.
    Maybe she is nice to look at, and you let your mind go to all sorts of possible things that weren't possible in real life. And you thought you were in love because you were sexually attracted.
    But, if she isn't interested - she isn't interested.
    If you focused on yourself and tried to make yourself the best version of yourself you can be, and took your attention off her you might find there are other females just as attracted to you.
    If you don't think anyone can measure up to your fantasies they won't. Be willing to let life teach you how to love.
    Even beautiful seeming people have flaws and problems, and it's likely not knowing the real person behind the perfect exterior may have reinforced some over simplified ideas about your perfect woman. And if you had somehow had this relationship happen, you would be totally unprepared for the reality of it.
    I think you should work towards having fun and having relationships, just for the adventure, and the enjoyment of life.And who knows, in time, you'll find something better than you can imagine right now.
    There is so much more in life than this one attractive person.
    It's too sad to think you let life pass you by for someone who doesn't even see you or appreciate you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you work with her? How do you know each other? If you feel you are suffering from obsessions you could enlist the support of a therapist to help you overcome it. You may be avoiding real life and real people by having an imaginary "perfect" person in your mind that is simply projected onto to this girl.
    Originally Posted by JustAnotherL
    For a couple years now I've had a crush on a girl. About a year ago I asked her out and was rejected. No one else seems to even come close to how perfect she was, and right now it just feels impossible to ever move on.

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  6. #5
    Member eldasensei's Avatar
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    In my opinion, that is not limerence but rather a unhealthy habit. I'm guessing that you've had a crush on this girl for a long time(years) before you finally build up the courage to ask her out. She offcourse was unable to know about this crush you've had for her, for such a long time. the reason why it hits you this hard is because you've build her up so much before finally facing the rejection. You are basically getting over a relationship that never existed in the first place. When you look at it this way, It's very logical actually.

    The next time you feel immense attraction for someone, ask that person out as soon as you can. I know it's very difficult but you need to build the habit in facing your fears(fear of rejection in this case) much sooner rather then later. As it will become Much, much easier to move on when you get rejected (in whichever form it may be). And aside from that, you build up a very skillfull habit that will serve you well in life.

    For now, I would treat this as a breakup (I know it's weird) and go no contact(if you are in some form), it's important that you never see her again and just focus on yourself and try some new things(take up some new hobbies if you will) you usually would never do. Break some unhealthy routines in your life and I guarentee, you will get over this. And offcourse most importantly, try not to focus on getting over her ;). Just focus on other stuff in your life. If you don't have much, then it's time to create it.

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    Give some more detail - where do you see her? How often? Have you been going out with other people? What exactly - off the top of your head - is so attractive about her?

    A year is a long time to have a crush, I'm curious how often you are dating?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    How old are you? I had a crush on someone for FOUR years in highschool and nothing came of it. He called me an ice queen and ended up dating someone else I knew which hurt a lot but I never let it show. Apparently went we met again twenty years later he said he tried everything to get my attention but I wouldn't respond at the time. Did she give you a reason for not going out with you? Are you still chatting with her? Why not ask her out again?

    I feel like this is about how you don't understand why she rejected you rather than her not going out with you. She's human like everyone else. Talk to her if you can. If she really doesn't want to have anything to do with you at all and is rude to you, make new friends and take a breather. You're stuck in this space.

  9. #8
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do you work with her? How do you know each other? If you feel you are suffering from obsessions you could enlist the support of a therapist to help you overcome it. You may be avoiding real life and real people by having an imaginary "perfect" person in your mind that is simply projected onto to this girl.
    We go to college together. I've known her most of my life through school but it wasn't until more recently when I started to get to know her better after traveling with her on a school trip that I started to feel this way about her.

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by RyanMI
    Give some more detail - where do you see her? How often? Have you been going out with other people? What exactly - off the top of your head - is so attractive about her?

    A year is a long time to have a crush, I'm curious how often you are dating?
    I see her almost every day at college. I haven't been going out with other people; no one else seems to interest me like her. And I know this sounds kind of cliche, but everything about her is attractive. She's nice, funny, and we can hold up interesting conversations for hours. We do psychology together and apparently we've even got complimentary personality types. To top it off she's also physically attractive to me

  11. #10
    Thanks for all the quick and in depth replies everyone. I think agree with what a lot of you are saying. Rather than reply with quotes to all of you individually I'll just try to summarise here. Eldasensei that all sounds right. I know this is probably a dumb question but do I have to go no contact? Seeing her is the highlight of my day and as much as it makes me sad I still love to be around her. We've only got a week left until we finish college and I'll never see her again unless we go out of our way to meet up. Are you certain I need to break all ties? Lastly to answer Rose's other question, at the time she explained to me that it wasn't me, but she just wasn't interested in a relationship while still at school, and that she wanted to focus on her studies. Before anyone suggests trying to ask again now that we're finishing, just know that she's taking a gap year traveling and I won't be seeing her at all for a while.

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