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simple cure

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About simple cure

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  1. It sounds like this relationship is doing more harm than good. I don't see how it can turn out any differently. He showed his cards. He wants everything his way. And everyone is going along with it, to their detriment. She has a child too? Your household must be a bit chaotic, how are your kids adjusting to all of this? Even if you can't make up your mind for yourself, try to include them in the equation. If you think you will be ok with stuffing your needs and wants away, and never having a say to either person, I guess you all can make it. But, since you've come to this place to ask for he
  2. Blu- after reading your last reply, first, thanks for being vulnerable enough to speak to your pain, and strong enough to speak up for yourself. You sound like such a dynamic and strong woman, you have been through a lot. I think we're interested in helping with the information you gave we all tried to come up with our best ideas. We've all been through something, and one thing we've all been through is the pain of being in the same kind of situation you're in now. Not exactly the same, but similar. It hurts right now, I know. You aren't less of a person for going through this, or being a
  3. It's hard to stop thinking about whatever you suggest to yourself to think about. I can demonstrate. Whatever you do right now, do NOT think about an elephant standing in a feild. Do NOT think about the automatic process of breathing. Do not think about how dry your eyes feel. Etc. What you need to do for yourself and your sanity is retrain your brain. This is a temporary fix, because you do need counseling, and the guidance of a professional. When I had a similar situation years ago, I was fixated on the event too. I wrote down a couple of reasons to have hope.Like, my kids will able t
  4. I'm so happy for you that you have found someone to love. I can understand your apprehension, but I don't think you need to worry about her. As others have said, you have been honest and open, and she is making her own choices as an adult. I hope your love continues to grow and you in time have a lovely little family together [emoji3590]
  5. I'm sorry you are going through this. It does hurt. I know. It is good that you can see some hope in the future, yes you will have someone someday. It's good to grieve for a little while too. You're hurting and understandably. But, when you're ready, just ease into the things that will help take your attention away from this. Things that are fun and interesting to you. It's probably good to really take your time getting involved with anyone, you don't want to lure an innocent person into healing your heartache and not really seeing them for who they are. Which is what a rebound usually is.
  6. Blu- I have to agree with the above thoughts, indeed, you have created a reality of loneliness. You have a LOT of plusses going for you that you don't see because of focus on the negative aspect of things. I agree that you are being led into an even darker reality courtesy of this guy who doesn't value all of your worth at all. Imagine if right now you had a lovely partner you COULD trust, who wanted to share everything with you, who shared all the good in a relationship with you and gave you the feeling that you are worthy and perfect the way you are? What if instead of seeing all the losses
  7. What you say is interesting, it may be that he has some kind of disorder that affects him this way, but I'm not qualified to say. The important thing is: everything else sounds like you don't like the way this is panning out. You don't like the way it feels to be treated this way. Of course it is possible for you to stick with it, what are we really going to stop you? No, you have to know for yourself. I can say from my experience it feels a LOT better to put something behind you that doesn't feel right for you than to keep shoveling your truth under the rug and pretending- or making excuses
  8. It IS hard to break it off with someone, and after 5 years, it's a big part of your life. I do sympathize. I have to agree with other's who've said " he's already acted in ways that no self-respecting woman would put up with". Maybe it's time to give that notion a good long look. Do you have close friends? What if one of them came to you with this story? You would want to see that guy hang by his toenails!
  9. LDR is difficult. Here are some of the downsides: finding yourselves wondering what the other person is up to. Are they being faithful to you? Are they still feeling the same? If you are faithful to that relationship, how do you go places and do things alone? Your friends don't know or understand that person over there, so can't relate to your attention being drawn away. There's no way to really reach out to them like you did in person. If there's news to share, or something to discuss you have to wait until the time to talk. It can really be a distraction, your feelings and needs are so much
  10. I'm sorry this happened to you and your child. I know it will take time, and some effort to get to where you will feel better. I know someday you will realize that this was a blessing in disguise. If he hadn't done this and you hadn't been able to get free of that toxic marriage you might never have had a chance to discover your worth, your son would have grown up thinking this is normal and how marriage is. Now you have a chance to show him how to stand on his own without having to use someone else. How to be truly loving and that the world is full of opportunity and that he can count on y
  11. I'm sorry you feel invalidated by these outside circumstances. It's hard going through a breakup, I think you were fortunate in having a guy who is a decent communicator, maybe in a way, your missing that emotional intimacy. I agree with Wiseman though, I know it's difficult, but, this man will not be able to give you more than what he has. This is a hard time for him. Try to focus on other things, and move on with your life.
  12. I can relate, my mom is like this, behind closed doors she's a very different person than who she presents herself as, it's very deliberate and calculated, however I have been out from under her thumb for many years, it didn't undo the toxic seeds she planted but, as time goes by I can see how small insignificant and fearful her reality is, my hope is that anyone living in that situation can find a way out, and distance themselves from all of it. Keep planning, make your hope a reality, dream bigger and better than what she says of you, leave it behind and live the good life with your child
  13. I haven't lost anyone I'm close to, fortunately, but I still very much appreciate the cemetery. It's quiet, beautiful and peaceful. I feel that in being there I am taking part in honoring the departed, I read their gravestone and wonder about their lives and experiences. As my kids got to be older I would have outings with them to the cemetery we lived near. It was a fairly old one as an early settlement, I used that opportunity to explain history and events in our country, my kids seemed to find it interesting. I guess I like graveyards.
  14. It seems like a year after my initial seperation before the divorce was finalized, I considered dating, and met men - but my mind wasn't ready. There wasn't a day that passed that I wasn't thinking about what happened and feeling the hurt. Anyone who came into my life and then was really a security blanket or a crutch to help me with my feelings. It took much much longer for me to present myself as I am without the baggage. At that point circumstances made it difficult to have any kind of real relationship, I just didn't have the time to give another person. Now I have been single for a few
  15. It sounds almost like you hope someone can give you a magic"cure" to ease how bad you feel. I understand, it does hurt. I have been there. It does get better over time. And it changes you. But, if you pull yourself together a bit, try to see, we all have experienced it sometime or other in life, it is part of the human condition. Maybe these things help us grow into a better partner ourselves so we appreciate it more when we have it. I bet next time you will not let so much time pass before trying to resolve a problem with your partner. It sounds like, from what you said, she was done. So
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