Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 27

Thread: I'm not sure if this is considered being sexually taken advantage of

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    11

    I'm not sure if this is considered being sexually taken advantage of

    I'm not sure how to handle this. A few years ago, I was with a friend who I thought had no sexual desire for me so I thought I was safe. Well this night, I was upset about some personal issues going on in my life and I just needed someone to talk too.
    For one thing, I was not sexually attracted to him, I was getting through a break up, and so with him goofing off I thought he was trying to lighten the mood but then he pinned me down. He starts kissing me and that's when I realized that he was hard. I told him several times no and that I didnt want to but the only thing he said to me was, "You know you want it to."

    I never said yes to him and because he wasn't listening to me I thought it was pointless arguing with him. So, my question is, because I didn't try harder to say no, was I taken advantage of?
    For so long I tried to not think about it but lately I can't help but feel that I have.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,333
    Gender
    Male
    When did this happen? Did you go to a doctor or call 911 at the time? Do you want to prosecute him for date rape? Are you still in touch or friends after this? If you feel you were wronged, discuss it with a therapist.

    Privately and confidentially enlist the help of a medical/mental health expert. Be specific and give details. Either way, whether action can be taken or not, only a therapist can help you sort through this. Random strangers who are not medical, law-enforcement or legal advisers can not help you as much as one-on-one therapy to discuss the impact this had on you.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    11
    About three years ago and no I didn't. I felt like because I didn't struggle or go through the classic case of it, that it wasn't important. But now it has been weighing heavy on my heart; I have gone through all the emotions trying to sort this out, I'm afraid that I'm blowing this out of proportion. And to answer your question, I am no longer friends with him nor his family, the situation that I was in prevented me from doing so but in October I was able to move in with someone else.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,333
    Gender
    Male
    Excellent. But still consider therapy to unpack and sort it out, since you're still upset about it. It's better to share this type of personal sensitive information with a trusted professional and not 'over-share' with people you are dating.
    Originally Posted by Maria2157
    I am no longer friends with him nor his family, the situation that I was in prevented me from doing so but in October I was able to move in with someone else.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    11
    The person I moved in with was mother type figure. I just don't understand why after all this time, it's starting to bother me? Is that normal?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,292
    Because you thought you'd only remain friends with him, he took the opportunity to have sex with you because you're always available to him. Available meaning, together too much within close proximity. Both of you are guilty of not enforcing strong and very clear boundaries from the very beginning of your friendship. He obviously had other ideas in mind.

    You never said yes but you didn't say no either. You caved so it was consensual.

    If you wish to avoid either a compromising predicament or entrapment in the future, don't place yourself in a vulnerable situation. With many scenarios, you shouldn't be 1:1 with a man because in some cases, date rape is all too common and most of them are unreported.

    I've heard stories similar to yours. Don't be at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong man. Know how to stay safe.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,292
    Originally Posted by Maria2157
    The person I moved in with was mother type figure. I just don't understand why after all this time, it's starting to bother me? Is that normal?
    He was cultivating, nurturing and maintaining a friendship with you and then when the opportunity was ripe, he pounced on you. With all due respect, you were naive.

    He manipulated your friendship with him. In this regard, yes, he took advantage of the friendship itself. Google the word "sociopath" to understand how people fool you, cast a spell over you because of their ulterior motives and their goal is to get what they want from you.

  9. #8

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    11
    Thank you and I completely agree, I wished I had "fought" more to say no and was more educated on the issue. Yes, I was naive because I wanted to see the good in people. I realize that's not always the case.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,292
    Originally Posted by Maria2157
    Thank you and I completely agree, I wished I had "fought" more to say no.
    I'm sorry, Maria2157. You can't undo the past. All you can do is learn from past mistakes, become shrewd, wiser and navigate yourself with prudence.

  11. #10

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    11
    I have! I've cut out so many people out of my life that wasn't good for me. I've definitely learned and have grown from my past.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •