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Thread: Should I cut my best friend off?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I hear you. Feeling respected is key. But so is respecting that others may just operate differently than you, rather than taking those differences as personal affronts and/or displays of disrespect.

    Most of my friends have qualities that annoy me, frustrate me. They're low-grade, which is why we're friends. When you turn these sorts of things into an issue of "respect" you're making something personal that doesn't need to be. Might just be a compatibility thing, but might also be that you don't have one or four other places where these feelings can be released.

  2. #32
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    I actually think the vast majority of people are like your friend in this scenario, at least my in personal experience. I would perceive your expectations as demanding and needy. I usually tell people when I have to go, but it's not unusual at all for conversations to drop off right in the middle and resume hours later, days later--this morning someone resumed a very personal conversation about their divorce where I had left them with a question weeks later.

    The only exception I've seen to this random dropping off in my life has been when someone is romantically interested in me--and even then it might occur occasionally. That's why some posters are perceiving that you may have interest that you're in denial about or at least expectations on par with being a boyfriend to your friend.

    I think you'll have this "issue" with 90%+ other people, so I would honestly keep your expectations in check or not communicate via text if you find that too difficult.

    Edited to add: I hope this didn't come across as too mean or blunt, that wasn't my intention. My overall point is that I think you'll have a hard time finding someone who doesn't do this.

  3. #33
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    @HealingLight. No, you didn't come across as mean or anything and I get what you're saying. I don't know. I feel like though, where is the consideration for me when I've stated/requested already that he not do that? I have never asked anything of him except this one thing and it's not like the request is an out of this world 100% ridiculous request. He isn't just some joe blow "occasional" friend. He's supposed to be a best friend and I would hope that he would have more care to how I feel about the situation.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by mysteryguy01
    @Cherylyn. Good morning. It's not that I have too much time on my hands (except maybe weekends when I'm off haha). I work a full time time job AND hit the gym 4x a week. Being an "Uber" for your family hardly constitutes as being Level 10 Super Busy. Sorry. I'm not trying to degrade him, but it's true. You (he) can easily get in a message at any given point whereas I would have to choose my spots since I am working. I feel like everyone is reading/treating this as we've been texting for hours on whatever day and then all of a sudden it happens to take him a while to reply to the next message. That's not what I'm trying to relay. I don't like it when I ask a question and he chooses to ignore it. Apparently he doesn't seem to care if I am actually trying to take a moment to ask/find out what is going on. I do not see how I am at fault with that especially since I've asked in the past to be mindful of that.
    If he is an Uber for his family, he shouldn't text and drive and should pay attention to the person he is with.
    You are being too much drama.
    I hate it when people say "are you busy? Good, then i have a favor..""

    If you have a question, just ask him a question. No song and dance "I have a question to ask you". Just ask it. he wll respond when he can. ANd some questions require thought and consideration and time

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mysteryguy01
    I feel like though, where is the consideration for me when I've stated/requested already that he not do that? I have never asked anything of him except this one thing and it's not like the request is an out of this world 100% ridiculous request.
    But given that your relationship was built primarily in pixels and primarily exists in pixels this "one thing" is kind of the equivalent of asking him to be someone else. In his shoes, for instance, he may very well see things differently: that you two talk a lot, are in touch a lot, but that when there's a slight dip—a dangling text, a day or two of silence—you want more. A "more" that simply isn't inside of him to give.

    Not blaming you, not blaming him. I will say, by the sounds of it, that you expect more from him, communication-wise, than I expect from my girlfriend, from any of my friends, and more from what most people I know expect from friends, lovers, partners. This morning, for instance, I responded to a text from a best friend. She'd sent it three days earlier. If I had to guess the amount of time she spent wondering why I hadn't responded I'd peg it at exactly zero seconds.

    As Healing said, what you're expecting from him is, for most, a very narrow needle to thread.

  7. #36
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    @bluecastle.. No I'm fine with the dip in text messages. There have been plenty of times where we didn't talk for a few days. And that's just perfectly fine. During those moments, there was no drop off from the face of the earth. We could go a month without talking and I would be fine if I just had the courtesy heads-up. I think somehow the through everyone's messages, the topic got skewed to I'm expecting/Wanting us to be texting all day vs hey, just let me know SOMETHING so we aren't leaving off with me asking you a question and then radio silence. We've actually been chatting some tonight via text because he finally decided now was the time to send a message once he saw I deleted him on PlayStation. But I think I know what I'm going to do from here so I can probably close this post.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by mysteryguy01
    @bluecastle.. No I'm fine with the dip in text messages. There have been plenty of times where we didn't talk for a few days. And that's just perfectly fine. During those moments, there was no drop off from the face of the earth. We could go a month without talking and I would be fine if I just had the courtesy heads-up. I think somehow the through everyone's messages, the topic got skewed to I'm expecting/Wanting us to be texting all day vs hey, just let me know SOMETHING so we aren't leaving off with me asking you a question and then radio silence. We've actually been chatting some tonight via text because he finally decided now was the time to send a message once he saw I deleted him on PlayStation. But I think I know what I'm going to do from here so I can probably close this post.
    You are in denial. You are NOT ok with a dip in communication.
    Not everyone tells you that they won't be responding for a month because they don't plan things that way.
    That actually is a bit childish to delete him on playstation to punish him for not texting you.
    You need to find more friends.

  9. #38
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    If any of my friends demanded that I either respond within a time frame THEY set or "explain" why I didn't respond, I would not want to continue that friendship.

    Some of my friends drop off for a while. I don't take it as a slam or some kind of hostile act. I presume they're doing something else.

    Heck, one of my kids hasn't emailed a pic they promised to send a couple of weeks ago! I have to presume it'll get done eventually. Or, it won't. No biggie either way.

  10. #39
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    @abitbroken. Not childish at all. If I were speaking to you through text and you asked me a question, I would not just let it sit. I would answer you or let you know that I can't talk at the moment or say give me a minute. That's just proper courtesy. That's not asking for much. And to prove your point wrong, like I said before, there have been PLENTY of times when we haven't talked for many many days and I said not a single word. I just find it very funny how everyone feels like I don't have the right to let someone know something that rubs me the wrong way. That's what you do. You speak up otherwise, nothing gets solved because the issue hasn't been brought up. If I never said anything, you guys would be all like "Oh well that's your fault for not saying anything". Also, you can save the judgmental comments for another post.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    @mysteryguy01. Good day to you, too. I'm a mother and "Uber" for my family so I know exactly what Level 10 Super Busy is. Family members are extremely busy with their daily lives. There are errands such as grocery shopping, buying gas, other shopping, school drop off / pick up, medical / dental appointments, extracurricular activities, their friends, urgent dashing out the door, etc. This is everyday life for families. It gets crazy busy with members of the household. In addition to that, people need to take care of their personal needs, they have chores and tasks to do. Other times, they need to chill and catch a break away from all electronics, communication and correspondence in order to get what little is left of their sanity. Being single and living alone is a heck of a lot different than living with other people under one roof. Even though you're very busy, it's even busier when you have to cater to other people's needs in your house.

    If he's not a good communicator for you and you're frustrated by his inability to answer your straight question, then perhaps he's not your best friend anymore. You either accept him the way he is or get another friend to replace him in your life.

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