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Thread: Am I overreacting?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    Originally Posted by Adriana7
    She is definitely not my adversary I never said that. I know I must create more boundaries because it's obvious she's calling to get my info to relay back to her son. That's my fault for being too comfortable with her. I feel like she's keeping tabs on Me. If you understand a narcissist which people rarely do, you could see she's definitely his flying monkey. I Will definitely take the advice. Thanks.
    Consider allowing your phone to go to voicemail, then call her back when it's convenient for you to have your daughter close by. Explain that this time of the day is the best time of day for her to reach out any day she'd like. So you are welcoming and encouraging even while you are giving grandma parameters for when to call, and while it implies that you may not answer at any other time, your behavior needs to back that up with the voicemail and a consistent call back at the appropriate time.

    When she asks you something that is none of her business and irrelevant to the kids, you can respond, "Thanks for asking, but maybe we can talk about that at another time. Oh! [daughter's name] wants to say hello." Be consistent as you bypass anything you don't want to speak about. Any time she presses, simply put your daughter on the phone.

    The woman may not 'like' any of this, but too-bad-so-sad. You can't expect anything to change unless you're willing to play the bad guy and establish change. And reinforce it.

    Head high.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Your ties with your ex MIL (mother-in-law) will be forever until she dies because she will always be your kids' grandmother.

    You're going to have to be the bigger person, take the high road and be classy even though she isn't. Other people in your life won't be classy either. All you can do is exercise your own self control, show grace, poise, politeness and remain civil. You don't have to love nor hate. Be numb and cool. This is what I do with certain extended family members, relatives and in-laws. I don't like several of them but I can't avoid them. Should we cross paths, I'm civil, polite, respectful yet frostily distant. It works. You ought to try it.

    Don't go out of your way to try to be chummy. Keep a safe distant while remaining peaceful. Do it for your kids' sake if anything. Keep the peace, be diplomatic and remain politely distant. It works. I've since had a lot of practice! You can do this!

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