A complex situation

Hey so this is kind of a lot. But my ex and i have recently gotten back together only to find out that his ex girlfriend is pregnant with his child. To make matters worse, the last time him and i dated, she was stalking him for about a year. Showing up to his work, band practice, friend's houses. She would even use his friend's socail media accounts to keep tabs on him. When him and i split he started heavily drinking one night at a friends house where she had followed him and...you know what happened next. Skip to now where she is about to have the baby. They are putting the child up for adoption but still have to stay in contact for updates on the baby. Along with updates she sends him vulgar and sexual messages. Im afraid that this will on contiue after the baby is born. He wants to take legal action but doesn't know how to go about it. He doesn't have the money to get a restraining order in place and is scared that the baby will sway a judge her way. What can he do?

We aren't qualified to give legal advice on this forum... your partner needs to seek legal advice about what to do in this situation.

How is it that restraining orders cost money?

You make your bf sounds like a victim. He could have taken action, long ago.

He did not need to sleep with her. He could have gotten a free restraining order. He could have blocked her on his phone or gotten a new number. Many things he could have done. There is no reason that they have to be on contact!

Oh yes....he wants to get rid of her sooo badly that he slept with her without any protection. If you are buying that, I have some ocean front property in Arizona to sell you.

Time for you to open your eyes, stop drinking kool aid about how this poor poor guy is a victim of this "evil" woman and deal with reality. She is around because he wants her to be. It's a game they are both playing willingly.

IF he actually wanted to get rid of her, she'd be long gone. He can ask his actual friends not to speak with her or share info. True friends will help him. Others he can get rid of. He could simply block certain people, including her, from his social media...or hey....simply delete it if that's causing so many problems for him. Realize that she has no way of knowing where he is hanging out, unless she is being intentionally informed. She can't come to his band practice if the doors are locked....gasp...such a simple solution. Restraining orders don't cost money, BUT you have to have real reason for it. Judges won't issue one based on frivolous claims. Her sending him texts...I mean again - if he wanted to, he could block her or even change his number and only share it with a few close friends he can trust not to share with her.

So I'll say this again, if he wanted her gone, she'd be gone. He is enjoying the drama and absolutely loving you getting jealous, protective, and the proverbial "cat fight" over himself between two women who are too blind to see what a toxic piece of garbage he is.

My advice to you is dump him and move on. Find a better man. Plenty of them out there.

It sounds like he's bouncing back and forth between the two of you. He drinks too much, he's irresponsible and he's a player. They are still sexting. He's making her out to be the problem, but there he is getting her pregnant and continuing contact. Bow out of this crazy triangle. He doesn't want to take legal action, that is the line he tells you. He's lying about "a restraining order costs too much". Did you suggest this because you are buying into his lies?

Hey so this is kind of a lot. But my ex and i have recently gotten back together only to find out that his ex girlfriend is pregnant with his child. When him and i split he started heavily drinking one night at a friends house where she had followed him and...you know what happened next. Skip to now where she is about to have the baby.

It's difficult for a man to get a restraining order against a women. He may be referring to the cost of retaining an attorney to assist in the matter.

We aren't qualified to give legal advice on this forum... your partner needs to seek legal advice about what to do in this situation.

I don't know that's true. Lots of us have been through divorce, restraining orders and related matters and do in fact have the experience from which to advise others. I know I do.

How to get rid of a psycho ex:

- Don't have sex with her, much less without protection (!)

- Block her and her people and delete her number

- Change number if possible

- Don''t engage with her

- Tell friends and family about the situation and tell them to not say any information about you to her

- Gather all the evidence of the stalking (text messages, which I suppose are ignored... and etc) and show the police when asking for a restraining order, which should not cost money

Has he done any of this?

Why was it even possible for her to text him, much less sexual texts, shouldn't she have been blocked long ago? Why hasn't he blocked her previously if she's such a psycho? Why did he even go and sleep with her without condom?

I don't get it.

This would be too much of a mess for me.

Yeah, my ex referred to HIS ex as a psycho and told me he didn't understand why she couldn't just let him go. She "couldn't" let him go because he was still sleeping with her. Any night I didn't spend with him he spent with her.

She would do things like break a window in his house to get in and call him and let the phone ring 86 times (I counted). He LOVED that he had two women who were crazy about him.

You know, if you want someone out of your life it's possible to do so. Yes, there are those instances where someone just will NOT go away even if the person they're obsessed with takes all the right steps, but that generally doesn't involve having bareback sex with the alleged stalker.

Hey,

He is playing you for a fool!

What can he do?

Legally - the only thing he can do at this time is file a restraining order with the Police and then report whenever she breaks it.

Unfortunately that doesn't do much as people violate restraining orders all the time and can't be stopped.

The only way he can do anything else is if she makes an actual specific threat to anybody - which you can then immediately report.

As for the "pregnancy" - i highly doubt she is pregnant. Unless you have documented proof - it's very likely a lie to control him again.

Lastly.. i agree with the other that he could be playing you by making up lies about his "crazy other gf" to control you -- so watch out for that.

It’s only complicated because you’re dating someone who chose to get drunk and chose the consequences. There’s no need for you to be involved in this mess especially since he will have to pay child support and he’s going to be a daddy. I’d find someone who has better values and I’d resist indulging in blaming the woman for getting pregnant. Takes two.

Skip to now where she is about to have the baby. They are putting the child up for adoption

She addresses this in her OP.

Skip to now where she is about to have the baby. They are putting the child up for adoption

 

She addresses this in her OP.

It doesn't matter and also it's not clear that that is what will happen and how the parents will react -lots of people change their minds at the last minute.