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Thread: found gay/ trans porn on my boyfriends history

  1. #1

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    found gay/ trans porn on my boyfriends history

    Hi,

    i recently found gay porn and trans porn on my boyfriends computer history along with a gay chat site called chaterbate. he says the chat site was a pop up and i think i believe him as he went back onto the porn site to show me that is was a pop up and it didn just open without him searching for it.
    he also had alot more straight porn... alot of porn on his history.

    when i spoke to him about it he said that he is addicted to porn and he was only watching these things because normal porn has got boring, and this is more exciting as its more tabboo.

    he has a really high sex drives asks for sex at least twice a day but in the 16 months weve been together hes only 'came' from sex a handful of times. he said its always been like this for him and i always thought its because he masterbates too much and grips too hard.

    i realise thinking about it now our sex life hasnt been the best recently, im always too tired and turning him down or i just dont really put much effort in so i can understand why he would be watching so much porn.

    i just dont know what to do now, i do beleive him as hes the last person i thought would be gay but then theres a part of me that thinks hes just really good at hiding it or hasnt admitted it to himself yet.

    i was pregnant last year and lost the baby at the begining of december, we were going to start trying again. now im just terrified that 2 years or 5 years down the line hes going to come out and say he is gay.

    he is the best person i have ever met and im so in love with him. he is literally the best boyfriende i have never worried about him being unfaithful or anything before i trust him completly he is the most caring and lovely man ive ever met.

    im really at a loss i dont want to talk to any friends about it. i just want to know if this can be normal as ive read alot on the internet that 20 something % of straight guys admitted to watchingt gay porn etc.

    am i over reacting? what do i do? do i end things with him? (we live together) or do we work through it and ill try to forget about it?

    P.s since this happened weve had the best kinkiest sex and ive actually tried harder to please him and he came every time.

    Thank you!!!

  2. #2
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    I don't necessarily think he is gay, OP. There are people out there who view same-sex porn without actually harboring a secret desire to act on it. Also, it could indeed be true that his porn site of choice opened a pop-up chat window. I would keep my eyes and ears open, but in and of itself, his porn viewing history isn't evidence of sexual orientation.

    However, I also don't think you should try to forget about this either. Why? Because he's telling you he has a porn addiction. And it evidently is interfering in your sex life if he has that much trouble reaching climax with you. A porn addiction is not something you want to just sweep under the rug.

    I would hold off on any plans to start a family unless and until he takes measurable and concrete action to address his addiction.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's more disconcerting that he needs increasingly "taboo" stimulation. Be more concerned with sex addiction and what he will progress to such as random sexual encounters etc. Stop trying to get pregnant and get a full panel of STD testing including HIV hepatitis C and B etc. Use protection. Usually what you happen upon is the tip of the iceberg. I wouldn't worry about whether he's gay or not I would worry about his possible "taboo" extracurricular activities.
    Originally Posted by rolly
    he said that he is addicted to porn and he was only watching these things because normal porn has got boring, and this is more exciting as its more tabboo.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Delacrank's Avatar
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    I don't think your boyfriend is gay. People seem to think there's hard and fast rules about being gay or straight, its not like that at all actually. Its possible he's bi sexual, especially if he's watching gay or trans porn, I don't think hetro guys watch this at all, I certainly don't but then again I don't think in these sort of conventions (meaning that people are defined by their sexual orientations).

    If you are worried about his attraction to you dying over the years it is more likely for him to fall in love with another women then for him to just turn gay. Its possible that straight men who have been in a marriage for 40 years to turn out to be gay as well, there's no hard science.

    Rather than being concerned about something which you have no control over, like his feelings towards you. Maybe it makes more sense to just work on yourself and your relationship, things you can control. This is almost like if you told me that you were worried about your boss firing you and you weren't sure if you wanted to buy a house.

    Like what can anyone say about that, if you really want a house buy a damn house, if you don't then don't. If you boss fires you after you bought the house well that sucks look for another job I guess, but I'm not living in the past or the future I'm living in the here and now.

    Good luck btw.

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  6. #5

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    hi,

    thanks for your reply! when i say forget about it i mean forget about the gay part not all of it.. hes not a very open person so i know it took alot for him to tell me that, we spoke about him going to speak to somebody to help and all adult sites have been blocked. im just worried its just an excuse because he doesnt want to admit hes gay. but like i said there was alot more straight porn that gay porn.

    thank you xxxx

  7. #6

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    i trust him completly 100% that he has never cheated. i had full std test when i found out i was pregnant last year and they all came back clear :)

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by rolly
    hi,

    thanks for your reply! when i say forget about it i mean forget about the gay part not all of it.. hes not a very open person so i know it took alot for him to tell me that, we spoke about him going to speak to somebody to help and all adult sites have been blocked. im just worried its just an excuse because he doesnt want to admit hes gay. but like i said there was alot more straight porn that gay porn.

    thank you xxxx
    And that's something that nobody here can begin to guess, really.

    I would see to it that he follows up with getting help for the porn addiction. That can quickly spiral out of the control and sometimes lead to seeking out other, more risky stimulation offline as well. It's definitely very concerning.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    In the future 2 things. Time and money.

    Time. How much time is he going to spend with you and particularly with a new baby when he's off in a parking lot, the garage, wherever getting off to increasingly taboo porn?

    Money. Will money be going toward the household or pay per view live sex cams? Will money be deposited in your child's college fund or spent on male/female escorts?

    So yes he hasn't technically cheated yet that you know of but he is secretive for a reason and it's not because he's "shy about possibly being gay".
    Originally Posted by rolly
    hes not a very open person so i know it took alot for him to tell me that, we spoke about him going to speak to somebody to help and all adult sites have been blocked.

  10. #9

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    i really dont think he would ever ever do that. he puts me first in pretty much everything he does. hes very sensible with money and is currently supporting me finacially. he spends all his time with me or at work or in the gym or out with friends. we both work in pubs and has been doing this while ive been sleeping and he couldnt sleep

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You boyfriend needs help with his sex addiction. it's not normal to be watching porn to this degree nor it is normal to have to have "kinky" sex all the time in order to orgasm.
    Watching porn and being over sexed can make a person over stimulated, in a very bad way.

    It's not unlike any other addiction. The usual amount of whatever, won't work anymore and the levels will increase more and more of what they are needing or order to get their high.

    He is delving into more obscure porn, like he has told you, because regular sex doesn't do it for him anymore.
    No doubt he will start in on porn videos that involve masochism, pain, etc. It could also mean him becoming obsessive about sex and even needing it to be with other people.

    He needs help and he needs to withdraw from his porn addiction.
    Sex will become a real problem for him if he does not.
    He could possibly start having erection issues and delayed ejaculation or none ejaculation (as you've already said he does have from time to time).

    Sex with him as his partner will become an issue as well. He won't find it pleasurable anymore with usual sex or with just one person.
    It will bring you further apart and he will find sex being more about sex only, instead of something that's meant to be intimacy and about love.

    But he can't do this alone, he needs professional help.
    Better now than before it get's worse.

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