Really upset.. need to vent

If you have read my previous posts, I've been talking to this girl. I recently went on a second date with her (we are both females). I thought we had a good first date, i asked her out a week later to get dinner which she agreed to, but then never responded when I suggested a time. So i text one the day of the date if we are still on for dinner. She responds back by saying that she didn't go to work because of the weather (it was bad that day) but asked if we could reschedule. I agreed and told her to let me know when she's free, and she said Saturday or Sunday. I said Saturday would work for me. When saturday comes around, she texts me, saying "Dinner tonight?" and then we set up a time and have a decent time. I paid for dinner and afterwards she asked if i wanted to get a night cap somewhere, so we went for some drinks at a bar. Now i'm wondering if she just did this out of politeness since I paid for dinner.

Afterwards, i walked her to her car and she drove me back to my car. I wanted to kiss her but it didnt felt right and I'm awkward, so i gave her a hug and the hug was really long... almost like we both wanted to kiss each other, but it didn't happen. So on the following Monday, I text her about something shes interested in and she sends me back some stuff about topics we talked about on our date. Have some back and forth, and then nothing from her. No communication from her all week.... i should know by now that lack of communication usually means disinterest.

Today I ask if she wants to go on a hike tomorrow since the weather will be pretty nice. No response... this was 7 hours ago. I'm pretty upset because I really like her and thought we were good together and when we're together, I feel like she's into me but when we are apart, she never initiates communication or anything. I'm so confused as to why she acts this way and wanted to reschedule our second date if she wasn't into it. But her silence is more than enough to let me know how she feels.

Are you sure she's a lesbian? (Sorry, I haven't read your previous threads, so don't know the full story).

Are you sure she's a lesbian? (Sorry, I haven't read your previous threads, so don't know the full story).

she is bi, we spoke about this on our second date. She mentioned that her last 2 serious relationships were with women. I told her I am bi as well

Well, you had to wait 5 months before this girl agreed to go out on a date with you. And you thought the girl was a bit cold during the first date. And she seemed a bit reticent about the second date. And now she's ghosting you. So I'm not surprised, why are you?

I don't want to get into whether she's bi or not. Whatever the reason, she's just not into it or into you. Don't be upset. Guys run into this all the time. Welcome to the club. The more people you ask out, the more people who ghost on you.

The waiting 5 months was because she was out of the country. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I don’t understand why she wouldn’t have ghosted me earlierninstead of asking for a reschedule and making me think she was interested....

She wasn’t cold during the first date, I thought she was pretty cold afterwards. I actually thought our first date went really well :/

She also looked really nice on our second date... she put on dangle earrings etc etc... I’m sure I’m reading too much into it

To me this is typical dating. Many people change their minds after a few dates for a multitude of reasons and after only two dates it’s fine if she wants to fade out. Let her. Please try not to take it personally or assume she wasn’t interested enough to go on a second date. Just move on and consider whether you are willing to work on a thicker skin about dating. Sorry you are disappointed.

She wrote back.... apologized and said she’s feeling sick and crappy and that she’ll have to pass on the hike. Just gonna tell her that I hope she feels better and will not be initiating at all after this.

It sounds like you are texting her way too much and trying to have way too many text convos. You even count the minutes and hours it takes to respond. That's a sign you have an issue with it. Why not do something about the text/phone addiction? Scale way back and only text relevant communication the way she does, such as setting up dates in advance etc. You are making yourself crazy and anxious with this texting problem.

It sounds like you are texting her way too much and trying to have way too many text convos. You even count the minutes and hours it takes to respond. That's a sign you have an issue with it. Why not do something about the text/phone addiction? Scale way back and only text relevant communication the way she does, such as setting up dates in advance etc. You are making yourself crazy and anxious with this texting problem.

I don’t feel as if I am trying to have too many text conversations. I have only texted her once to have a conversation, this was on Monday because I felt after 2 dates, it was appropriate.

All the other times I’ve reached out to her, it was to set up a date.

Give her time to respond. Every angst and thread is about how she doesn't text back soon enough.

I ask if she wants to go on a hike tomorrow since the weather will be pretty nice. No response... this was 7 hours ago.

Give her time to respond. Every angst and thread is about how she doesn't text back soon enough.

That is true. But My instincts are telling me that dating shouldn’t be this hard and stressful. Usually when the other person is interested, they try to communicate and initiate stuff. Maybe she’s different but I just get a sense she’s not totally into it, which is fine.

She didn’t offer a reschedule so I won’t be reaching out to her again.

Reschedule what? It isn't this 'hard and stressful' unless you sit by the phone timing responses.

My instincts are telling me that dating shouldn’t be this hard and stressful. She didn’t offer a reschedule so I won’t be reaching out to her again.

Reschedule what? It isn't this 'hard and stressful' unless you sit by the phone timing responses.

She said she was sick and feeling crappy and that she is going to pass on hiking. Maybe she was waiting til night to see if she felt better but I highly doubt it. There was no offer to reschedule or see me any other time. She has never initiated any dates or really made much of an effort to see me.

I haven’t been sitting around waiting and timing her responses... I think that someone should be able to respond in a timely manner though when I know she reads the messages and has her phone on her all the time. I find it kind of rude for her to not respond at all, which only happened once after a date was agreed to and she just completely ignored the time suggestion until I had to reach out 4 days later.

Sounds like the infatuation and interest is wearing off. That's ok, you can back burner her since she is clearly dating others in addition to a lukewarm approach to you..

Nothing to wait for. If there is not another date planned time and place there is no next date. You’re making it stressful by “waiting “. Nothing to wait for. Move on and if in the future meaning tomorrow or next month or next year she reschedules or you decide to ask her out again then you can see if there is a next date. The reality is you have no plans right now. So right now you have memories of two enjoyable dates. The end. Not stressful. I would text “hope you feel better and let me know if you want to get together when you are feeling better”. Please do not type to her about how you expect her to initiate. She’s a big girl. She can make her own choices.

Nothing to wait for. If there is not another date planned time and place there is no next date. You’re making it stressful by “waiting “. Nothing to wait for. Move on and if in the future meaning tomorrow or next month or next year she reschedules or you decide to ask her out again then you can see if there is a next date. The reality is you have no plans right now. So right now you have memories of two enjoyable dates. The end. Not stressful. I would text “hope you feel better and let me know if you want to get together when you are feeling better”. Please do not type to her about how you expect her to initiate. She’s a big girl. She can make her own choices.

I wrote back saying “all good, hope you feel better”. Didn’t want to add anything about her letting me know if she wants to get together when she’s feeling better... I figured she will if she wants to, no need to bring it up.

I wrote back saying “all good, hope you feel better”. Didn’t want to add anything about her letting me know if she wants to get together when she’s feeling better... I figured she will if she wants to, no need to bring it up.

Sure that's fine too. She knows you are very interested in seeing her again.

I think you handled it well.

You can at least say you have tried and walk away not regretting anything.

The ball is essentially in her court now.

She knows you are interested. If she is too she will reach out. If not take it as a learning step.

I know it's frustrating for someone to schedule in a second date if they aren't that interested. That is essentially what dating is about!

We go on these dates to guage if we are interested in the other person. Sometimes it takes one date to know you are not. Sometimes it takes more.

It's the world of dating.

I think you handled it well.

 

You can at least say you have tried and walk away not regretting anything.

 

The ball is essentially in her court now.

 

She knows you are interested. If she is too she will reach out. If not take it as a learning step.

 

I know it's frustrating for someone to schedule in a second date if they aren't that interested. That is essentially what dating is about!

 

We go on these dates to guage if we are interested in the other person. Sometimes it takes one date to know you are not. Sometimes it takes more.

 

It's the world of dating.

Yeah I kind of had a feeling she wasn’t interested since she never initiated anything but like you said, I wanted to try one more time just Incase that’s just how she is and to make sure I didn’t have any regrets. I do still hope she reaches out but I’m not very confident in it.

Oh well, gotta move on.

What is the “never” about ? I thought you only went out twice.

Honestly get out there and date people that want to date you!

Never settle for someone who is not keen and doesn't initiate. Fun thing about dating is both of you wanting to spend time together.

You will find that is someone else instead of this girl.

What is the “never” about ? I thought you only went out twice.

What do you mean? Yes we only went out twice.

She never initiated any dates or any conversation, other than back in September when she messaged me (4 months after we first messaged).

I understand that texting in the beginning should be kept to making logistics only, but I find that dating now in early to late 20s does involve some small texting here and there, checking in or just texting something funny or relatable when there is interest.

I did this only once, on this most recent Monday, about 2 days after our second date and she was receptive to my messages. She also had given me her number before our 2nd date as we have previously been talking through Instagram DMs, which again made me think she was interested as I didn’t ask for her number.

During the text exchanges on Monday, she Was not cold at all like after our first date. I did not want to set up another date at that time because I wanted her to initiate the third date just so I could know she was interested. She did stop responding after a little bit though which is fine but then I never heard from her again throughout the week until I texted her yesterday about going on a hike today.

Honestly get out there and date people that want to date you!

 

Never settle for someone who is not keen and doesn't initiate. Fun thing about dating is both of you wanting to spend time together.

 

You will find that is someone else instead of this girl.

Yes I will reach this point eventually haha. I haven’t been genuinely interested in dating anyone until this girl so I have to admit I am a bit too invested in her... will take some time to move on

Exactly :)

No problem that it will take some time to get there.

Take some time out for you! And get to a good place. Then things will fall into place.

Best of luck

What do you mean? Yes we only went out twice.

 

She never initiated any dates or any conversation, other than back in September when she messaged me (4 months after we first messaged).

 

I understand that texting in the beginning should be kept to making logistics only, but I find that dating now in early to late 20s does involve some small texting here and there, checking in or just texting something funny or relatable when there is interest.

 

I did this only once, on this most recent Monday, about 2 days after our second date and she was receptive to my messages. She also had given me her number before our 2nd date as we have previously been talking through Instagram DMs, which again made me think she was interested as I didn’t ask for her number.

 

During the text exchanges on Monday, she Was not cold at all like after our first date. I did not want to set up another date at that time because I wanted her to initiate the third date just so I could know she was interested. She did stop responding after a little bit though which is fine but then I never heard from her again throughout the week until I texted her yesterday about going on a hike today.

Oh so you are including your texting and talking before your first date as counting towards the "never?" But you weren't dating then -you were just chat buddies right? I try to take turns with texting when making new friends without keeping score too much. I won't keep initiating -especially about making plans - without reciprocation and interest.

I could see if you'd gone out 8 times and she never initiated once in 8 times -but -twice? You pursued her from the beginning so it's typical that you'd initiate the first two dates IMO. There's no pattern here as far as dating, not yet.