Woman's midlife crisis

I would like to start a dialogue about midlife crises, especially from those who have gotten past it.

This is more about a general midlife crisis. I don't have a relationship problem or anything like that, I guess it's just a feeling like I'm useless.

Even though I'm not! I keep very busy, yet I can't escape this feeling.

I've also been feeling my mortality a bit more, like I won't be able to just dream of traveling somewhere and know I have all my life to make it happen. I still technically have alot of years left in me, but it feels limited. Thus the 'midlife' crisis feeling. And it's not that I necessarily want to go out and travel, just the knowledge that I'm..not young anymore maybe?

I always say that I don't have a problem with getting older, but obviously I do...right?

I don't think it has anything to do with a 'checklist' or anything like that. I do have kids, don't want anymore, so that's fine. Job is fine, though I could be more productive due to my 'what's the point' kind of feeling I've had lately. Marriage is fine. I talk to him about this and he helps and listens, but alas the feelings are still there. Can anyone share their experiences?

Eh, you're feeling a bit depressed. You might be in a rut. The older we get, the more our hormones decline. Estrogen levels get lower. You might not be having any fun. Maybe you need a vacation. You might need to eat more chocolate. All these things could be at work.

The summer's a great time to get outside. Try to get some sun. Lunchtime is the perfect time to get out and get some rays for 20 to 30 minutes to boost your vitamin D. Maybe pamper yourself with a new haircut or a pedicure. Do stuff you like to do. Get your husband out of the house with you and go hiking. You just need to get your groove back.

Those are great points. I'll try doing something different. Thank you.

CML342 I feel you. I think many people experience these feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness with their lives. It is natural and normal. I think sometimes a good idea, along with the excellent suggestions by DanZee, is to take action in ways that will allow you to see the tangible, visible effects of your efforts on the world. You see your children and who they are. That is your legacy and the impact you have had on others. Does that bring you satisfaction? There are other ways that your life can be meaningful in this world, that will leave a lasting impact after you are gone. It's not just about you enjoying your own life and experiences. Many people find happiness when they experience things that mean something to someone else. Helping people, volunteering, building new relationships...I have found these things to add value to my life. I started volunteering 2 days a month at a local community center and it has benefited me greatly.

I also like to try to do things I've never done before. The way our brains change when we take risks or try to learn a new skill, will help keep our minds active and will charge our creative thinking. You're never too old to try something new, a new hobby, take a class, take a chance on doing something you might fail at. Have fun!

How old are you?

About my late 40s I started to realize ,like you ,my own mortality is very limited . That more than half my life had already passed . And I started to wonder what all I had done with my life . Before the middle of our life we don’t realize that our time on this earth is pretty limited .

I think it’s a pretty common experience for everyone .

Now I’m just intent on enjoying every bit of what I have left . I am making retirement plans and what I would like to do for when I have lots of free time .

CML342 I feel you. I think many people experience these feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness with their lives. It is natural and normal. I think sometimes a good idea, along with the excellent suggestions by DanZee, is to take action in ways that will allow you to see the tangible, visible effects of your efforts on the world. You see your children and who they are. That is your legacy and the impact you have had on others. Does that bring you satisfaction? There are other ways that your life can be meaningful in this world, that will leave a lasting impact after you are gone. It's not just about you enjoying your own life and experiences. Many people find happiness when they experience things that mean something to someone else. Helping people, volunteering, building new relationships...I have found these things to add value to my life. I started volunteering 2 days a month at a local community center and it has benefited me greatly.

 

I also like to try to do things I've never done before. The way our brains change when we take risks or try to learn a new skill, will help keep our minds active and will charge our creative thinking. You're never too old to try something new, a new hobby, take a class, take a chance on doing something you might fail at. Have fun!

Thank you for this perspective. I tend to get wrapped up in my own bubble so hearing about doing something noteworthy makes a lot of sense to me.

I'll keep everything you said in mind.

How old are you?

 

About my late 40s I started to realize ,like you ,my own mortality is very limited . That more than half my life had already passed . And I started to wonder what all I had done with my life . Before the middle of our life we don’t realize that our time on this earth is pretty limited .

 

I think it’s a pretty common experience for everyone .

 

Now I’m just intent on enjoying every bit of what I have left . I am making retirement plans and what I would like to do for when I have lots of free time .

I'm 41. Not old, I know. I guess these feelings are normal. That makes me feel a little bit better.

The feelings are normal. I think our culture with the emphasis on doing, achieving, constantly "bettering" oneself and the focus on material goods and consumerism makes us all feel "less than". Our very competitive culture is focused on the individual rather than the collective. These feelings of being "useless" can be subconscious, drilled into our heads via social conditioning that begins early in life, as well as via the media and advertising. These universal feelings make some people strive to become what the culture considers powerful: political figures, CEO's, celebrities, or extremely wealthy. When we become conscious of the reason for our feelings of inadequacy, we can then work on our inner selves, and not believing everything we have learned that have made us feel this way.

For many of us, doing things that we enjoy, including pampering ourselves, taking time to smell the flowers, smiling at puppies and children, and getting lots of fresh air, some sunshine, plenty of down time and restful sleep - as well as spending time with kind, compassionate and caring people - can definitely help keep these feelings at bay. Yet with the way things are going in our culture, IMHO these feelings will continue be a challenge for most of us.

Oh, and these are just my thoughts on it at the moment. As you know, for some women hormonal changes that start in our late 30's can definitely wreak havoc with one's mood and outlook. Take care, this too shall pass!

I hear you and love what Rapunzel wrote. I am all in my early 50s. I e been working much harder at not swearing the small stuff. Because with more limited time why waste it on that. I also find I don’t want to waste time reading books I don’t love (I love to read and don’t devote enough time to reading for pleasure). And I feel more urgency around friendships and making friends - meaning I’m more discerning and selective about who I spend my time with and do a lot of self talk so I don’t focus on bad or fading friendships where o know it’s not my fault (if it were for any reason I’d try to make it right and spend the time doing so).

Great suggestions here. Cardio every day helps my mood a lot.

You might need to eat more chocolate.

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I had to laugh at this. This always helps. Especially Cadbury Fruit and Nut.

CML,

I’m a man. Before you laugh, I really get where you are coming from. I am feeling a bit the same too. I’m nearing the big 50 and you get to a point, where nothing is exciting you. You wonder if there is going to be something good happen in your life soon. I’m feeling my mortality but I work out nearly everyday just to maintain myself. Maybe you need to start something new in your life. Go on a holiday, do something you have always wanted to do. I haven’t read all the other posters apart from Danzees chocolate suggestion. I hope you feel better soon.