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Yall ready for a messed up one...


kaylamount

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Okay, so i cheated on my bf about 6 month ms into our relationship with a guy 20 years older then me at our work. And it was a rule that it was only at work we hooked up 3 times. My bf caught us kissing. And so since then ive been the spitting image of a perfect gf. So now 6 months later still to this day hes convinced we had sex at our house. And he says "just tell me yall had sex at the house. Do it for us but for me mainly." i told him i couldnt lie to him even if that was all i had tom do to make it right again. And i even told him about how the guy made it a rule and he still cant make himself even try to believe me. So after fighting that i didnt, i made him promise he wouldnt get mad like he said at first and i finally just said i did. So now Im lying to my bf saying that i slept with someone in our house... All to make him happy. And have our relationship back to normal. Because he says he wants to stay together. What do i do? Im scared he loves me so he doesnt want to leave me because he knows i dont have anything and he wants to beat me down for what ive done and he doesnt even realize it.

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You've been together for a year and you've already cheated. Why do you live together a year in to a relationship that basically started with infidelity?

 

To me? It doesn't sound like he's forgiven you. What are you getting out of staying with someone who doesn't trust you and who you didn't like enough to be faithful to six months into the relationship. It doesn't sound like you liked him that much.

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Wait what? You had rules for cheating? What does it matter where you cheated on your bf?

 

Being the spitting image of a perfect gf and actually being a perfect gf are two different things.

 

It is obvious you didn't care for him or you wouldn't have banged some old dude at work. That is what your bf is dealing with. These little details he wants will not help him trust you again or help him forgive you, they are just him trying to find a way to understand how you could have betrayed him so easily.

 

If you want to work this out and ever have any hope of him trusting you even a little you need to sit him down and tell him all of the truth. That means why you thought it was okay to bang your coworker, why you didn't consider his feelings when you were cheating on him and what you have learned and how you want to live your life from now on. He needs to understand what is inside you that made cheating okay for you. Until then he will always see you as a cheater he cannot trust even though the love he thinks he has for you holds him to you.

 

This will not end with another lie so you need to be all in and come completely clean or this will only drag out until he dumps you or you cheat again.

 

Lost

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Obviously, shame on you for cheating. However, shame on him for staying with a cheater while not being able to cope with it after the fact. He lost the high ground when he opted out of dumping you. Since he won't, it's looking like you'll have to. He clearly, albeit understandably, can't fully forgive you and trust you. The relationship's dead.

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Obviously, shame on you for cheating. However, shame on him for staying with a cheater while not being able to cope with it after the fact. He lost the high ground when he opted out of dumping you. Since he won't, it's looking like you'll have to. He clearly, albeit understandably, can't fully forgive you and trust you. The relationship's dead.

 

Agree with that ^

 

Im scared he loves me so he doesn't want to leave me because he knows i dont have anything
what does that ^ mean, Kaylamount? Are you saying you only stay with him because you are financially dependent on him? It certainly would seem that you don't love him (cheating within a year of being together).
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Look i completely understand and see where yall are coming from so further back story to us is that im a recovering addict and hes and alcoholic. The coworker was a user of my drug of choice and got me thrown off my rocker while my bf is coming and drinking 24oz til he passes out. But yet that does not give me any reason to cheat. And ive definetly sat myseld down and looked at all the flaws ive made and in even asking myself why im even putting either one of us through this relationship anymore. Then we have a good day and our relationship is golden. Then we have a bad day. And now hes trying to stop drinking finally so weve had some rough days. But i ing love this dude and i just dont knwo what to do. Im dying on the inside.

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Im an electrician and i can easily make 18 a hour with my DAD and have a company truck but he will not allow me to work with my dad. He made me quite. And so i didnt have a job and he got mad so i got a job and now its like hes still mad because i dont make as much but yet he wont let me be an electrician so im stuck making minimum wage...

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Im an electrician and i can easily make 18 a hour with my DAD and have a company truck but he will not allow me to work with my dad. He mad eme quite.

Is he afraid you will relapse into using again?

 

If that is the case then perhaps if you get yourself into therapy and supplement that with some sort of 12 step programme, he would reconsider?

 

So, why did he make you quit?

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