How can I make my husband and my mom happy?

We are expecting our first child in a few weeks and everyone's really excited about the baby. The baby is breech so we have a scheduled csection. I realize that recovery will be a bit longer compared to that of a natural birth. My mom has told us that she will stay with us for a week to help out in the beginning.

My husband doesn't want her living with us for that long. He wants time for us to be a family first and time to get to bond with baby. He also feels awkward having my mom stay with us, we do have a very small house so chances are we will be walking over one another. I get where he's coming from. I wouldn't be comfortable with my MIL living with us.

I'm an only child and this is the first child kid. My parents are so excited. My mom is so eager to be a part of this chapter in our lives. She's looking forward to being a grandparent. She had a csection with me so she knows how difficult the recovery can be. I really appreciate the help she's offering.

I explained to her that it's important to my husband and I that we have some time alone with baby. She was so hurt by this. She cried and thought we were trying to keep her out of our life. This isn't true at all. The baby is so new, we just want some time alone. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I also want to respect my husband. It's his house too and his child. I want him to feel comfortable.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can make both my husband and my mom happy. I understand where they're both coming from but I don't know what compromise I can make. My parents live nearby, about 20 minutes so I thought a possible solution might be my mom can visit during the day for a few hours and go home at night instead of living with us. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out about this. And with the csection coming up, I want a solution soon that everyone is happy with.

Please advice! What should I do? What's a good compromise? Thank you!

Is your husband going to be off work for your recovery period?

Is your husband going to be off work for your recovery period?

Yes, he works for himself so he'll be home with me and baby.

Then maybe have your mom come for a few hours.

If your Mum lives close by why would she be staying overnight ?

Your Mum needs to realise that this is your new family now & although she is a part of it, she needs to understand that there are boundaries to respect.

Seeing as your Husband will be there a lot of the time it isnt necessary for her to be there 24/7 as well.

I think you need to nip this in the bud now. Your Mum is obviously excited, and rightly so, but she cant be there as often as she would like. Tell her you love her & want her over, just not all day & night.

I think hubby is right. The first week you are home, he will be home and you together should experience uninterrupted time for you to recover and bond as a family. If mom lived out of state, I would say have her visit during week #2 or #3 when hubby is busier. I do think that since mom is only 20 minutes away - its rediculous for her to expect to spend every night with you to help you out. Remember - your husband comes first now. Let mom bring a meal over during the second week and such, but please be firm about her not spending the night, nor coming over the minute you get home from the hospital.

Also, i would hate having my in-laws sleep over during such a vulnerable time - if i were a guy i would want to get up i the middle of the night for the baby in my boxer shorts and wouldn't have to worry about pulling on clothes in case "mom" is in the hallway, you know?

btw, your job is no longer to keep mom happy. You are a married woman - your job is to make your husband and marriage happy and along with your husband take care of the baby.

Thank you. I also agree that it isn't necessary for my mom to spend several nights with us. My concern was not hurting her feelings during this happy time. I think I just need to be a bit firm as hard as that's going to be. We are very close and talk daily. But you're right, hubby comes first now. Any suggestions on how I can go about this conversation without hurting her too much?

but I don't know what compromise I can make.

There isn't one and there shouldn't be one. You need to put your family first - and that family is your husband and child. You need to state that she can't move in, and you need to be firm on that. You don't need to be being walked over during the first weeks of your child's life.

It wont be just the first weeks, it will be an ongoing issue if you dont put your foot down now.

I wish I had your luck. My in-laws are from overseas and they are planning to stay for a few weeks... before I go into labor. They expressed the same reasons your mother did. I am already anxious and very unhappy about it and had fights with my husband over it........ I'm like seriously, now I HAVE to entertain guests when I should be recovering from labor and bonding with my child?? UGH!!!

Well we have had this happen twice before. My wife and I just had our second child, he just hit his 1 month a few days ago. My wife had csections for both our children because pre eclampsia

My in-laws have an older son but he hasn't had a real relationship in a long time. So our children are there only grandkids.

I am so glad that we wouldn't let let my mother-in-law stay. She told us she would stay over for 2 weeks like the first time. Last time was hell, she really wasn't terrible or anything but it was hard on my wife and I. We both hated it, we couldn't really bond as a family because she was always around and up in our business.

She threw a fit and cried and all this when we said no. But luckily for me, my wife doesn't see a need to please her mom when the happiness of our family is in question.

The fact that you think you need to find a comprise between your mother and your family is worrisome. If my wife felt I had equal weight to her mother on an issue like this we would be having a lot of big and hard talks.

Your about to be a mom and your child is going to be first. After that you and your husband are all that matters for the time being. Even trying to equate your mother to your husband is some messed up priorities.

Planned Csections are so much better than emergency c-sections (which I had), and a V-Bac with my second, whom by the way was breached, but I managed to get him to flip (whether he did so on his own, or me), but laying on a door at a 30 degree angle upside down 3x a day for 30 minutes at a time for a week. OKAY, I know that sounds so granola, but I was instructed by my midwife, and it totally worked.

Either way, is it possible for your mom to come for bit each day. I thank God I'm Chinese, because we are in confinement for 30 days after the baby is born, and your parents and family bring meals over. The whole just family time for me is a crock. You literally just had a baby come out of you that you've been cooking for nine months, and I was so bummed that we didn't have barely any visitors with our 2nd kid. And my hubby went to work as soon as we got home from the hospital with our second.

After the 1st kid (C-Section), my legs and feet were so swollen and I was in tremendous pain. 2nd kid was 10 lbs, so imagine a two foot creature coming out your tiny opening, and yeah, I couldn't even get in my car by myself, or walk up or down a step for a long arse while, now combine this with cooking, cleaning, laundry, nursing around the clock (literally around the clock), and you don't want any visitors, because your hubby has this concept that it's just you two settling in? UM. hell no, you will be so busy and exhausted, and in pain, and even with your hubby there, he's going be busy, and tired. Accept the visitors. Accept help. Accept food! Accept gifts.

But keep in mind, my entire family, especially my parents are not nosey people, and just help, and pitch in, and mind their own business. So if you have overbearing family, then okay, up to you. But if you have really helpful friends and family, geez, no reason why they can't stop over. I should also reiterate, my hubby and I are people-people.

Plus, scientifically, after the baby is born, it's giving off so many hormones that there is a total bond forged, especially with smells of your friends and family with the baby. There is a reason absentee fathers who aren't there in the beginning do not have that initial innate bond with their baby.

Anyway, it's not about what makes your hubby and mom happy; it's about what makes the most sense and is good for your recovery and the welfare of the baby. Your hubby getting a large cut in their abdomen to birth a child.

Thank you. I also agree that it isn't necessary for my mom to spend several nights with us. My concern was not hurting her feelings during this happy time. I think I just need to be a bit firm as hard as that's going to be. We are very close and talk daily. But you're right, hubby comes first now. Any suggestions on how I can go about this conversation without hurting her too much?

If she is emotionally hurt by this, she has deeper issues. Say "No, mom, I would not like you to spend the night. (husband's name) and I need that time to ourselves. But thanks for offering." Give her a task that would be more helpful to you, like picking out a gift for a party you will not be able to attend because you are delivering the baby or the baby will be days old, ask her to come over with dad on a certain date to see the baby, etc. I would not have ANY visitors, even mom the first few days you are home.

I wish I had your luck. My in-laws are from overseas and they are planning to stay for a few weeks... before I go into labor. They expressed the same reasons your mother did. I am already anxious and very unhappy about it and had fights with my husband over it........ I'm like seriously, now I HAVE to entertain guests when I should be recovering from labor and bonding with my child?? UGH!!!

Oh heck. I am so sorry. Is there any compromise, such as them staying with other relatives (even if one of YOUR relatives hosted them and played tour guide a few days), or standing firm on that they can come AFTER the baby arrives - like a month after? I know he wants his folks included, but your husband is seriously being a tool here. Maybe baby will be a week late and they will miss the birth if you are lucky