Anyone else over 40 never been in a committed relationship?

I'm turning 41 this year, and never been in a relationship. I used to think it was because I was so shy when I was younger, but most of the people in my social anxiety support group are divorced, or married, or have significant others so I don't know. I had a 3 year casual, friends-with-benefits kind of relationship but eventually got tired of the guy criticizing me and basically being a jerk. Just wondering if anyone else is in this situation.

Is it that you are looking actively but having no luck?

I've read several posts with people in a similiar situation.

The real question is do you have an issue with it?

Well, I would sort of put myself in your category, but I think the other folks in your group who are or were married was because a girl/guy took an interest in them. I had stopped looking and a girl at work chased me around until I asked her out and the rest is history. So you can be shy but still find someone. But it helps if there's someone interested in you.

I've been looking for about five years. Although, I probably have only been on about 60 or so first dates as it just wears me out. I have had a few people interested in me over my lifetime, but I was not interested in them or vice versa.

I think that you shouldn't "look" -- that you should make sure friends know you are single and looking (you never know who they know) but other than that join meetup groups based on your interests to meet people you have something in common with and to also possibly join Toastmasters, that helps you practice speaking to people. Also, have you gone beyond a support group and saw if your anxiety might be a part of an imbalance medically (or an offshoot of something else) or have you sought counseling to learn other coping mechanisms.

Then, you may be more primed to meet someone and have a bigger field of possibles.

You may have had 60 first dates, but why does not one in 20 move on to a second date? Do you find that you have trouble keeping conversation, is your body language something you need to pay attention to, or are you just not meeting appropriate men for you?

You may have had 60 first dates, but why does not one in 20 move on to a second date? Do you find that you have trouble keeping conversation, is your body language something you need to pay attention to, or are you just not meeting appropriate men for you?

It's not that there's never any second or third dates, but eventually it becomes clear that one of us just isn't that interested.

Personally, I've only had 2 longer relationships of a year each. Some people might see that as a red flag, some might not. I went on a date with a guy who was 36 and divorced, he said that was better than being 36 and single because "at least someone wanted him." I might argue that it's better to be choosy about who you marry than to have been in a failed marriage.

Anyway - I don't think that the "don't look" advice is too helpful. If you're not someone who is naturally getting into relationships or randomly getting dates, you need to put the effort in to find dating partners. Some people are lucky and just marry the first person they met in college or the first person they met in online dating, but others need to put more effort in. This is effort on top of doing social things with your friends where you will meet other people who may be single.

Do you want a relationship? And what are you looking for? I'm sure you could get married if you way lowered your standards, but that's probably not what you are looking for.

If you have Social anxiety, which I have, I can understand your single status and it doesnt matter the age. For me its hard to get out there because of the Social anx and I have less friends due to it...also making it harder to get out there to meet potential partners... So its a big cycle. I also go through spouts of extreme social anxiety where Id rather just be alone than a burden to others. Are these reasons you havent been in many relationships? Do you think social anx. holds you back?

If you have Social anxiety, which I have, I can understand your single status and it doesnt matter the age. For me its hard to get out there because of the Social anx and I have less friends due to it...also making it harder to get out there to meet potential partners... So its a big cycle. I also go through spouts of extreme social anxiety where Id rather just be alone than a burden to others. Are these reasons you havent been in many relationships? Do you think social anx. holds you back?

I think it held me back in the past. Now I am just a reasonable normal level of shy, I think. I go to meetups, talk to people, have friends, etc. If it holds me back now it's because it is exhausting to "get my numbers up" as friends suggest. Any more than one first date a week burns me out.

I'm nearly there.

Now I am just a reasonable normal level of shy, I think

You certainly don't come across as anything but confident. I don't think you have much of a problem there - at least not any more.

it is exhausting to "get my numbers up" as friends suggest. Any more than one first date a week burns me out.

While I agree with annie that you DO have to look; love and friendship don't just come knocking on your door, the form that LOOKING takes is open. One of my closest and most-trusted friends I met while on a one-week business trip to Hong Kong. That was > 20yrs ago. It does sometimes take effort to cultivate and maintain friendships, particularly over long-distance.

Similarly, I tend to socialise after work (when sometimes it comes more naturally for me to go home) and have, over the years, picked up a lot of "keepers"; friends I see regularly and can count in my "support-network".

Love & romance are not too different. Dating sites aside, they tend to start with friendships with no expectations. I think that's key. 60 1st dates is a lot, and you should probably take a break from the dating scene for a bit

Hi Sera, just wanted to chime in here and say you are not alone. I am 41 and have never really had a serious relationship. I have online dated for many years but never met anyone that progressed more than a few dates. I have also joined meetups and done all those things that people suggest, i.e. activities that I am interested in that will help me to meet people. I too come across as shy and quiet and am socially anxious and as such have a small circle of friends, so I am sure this contributes to my difficulties meeting someone. I really do long for a relationship but this has always been a real struggle for me. I feel like some kind of freak sometimes because of this so I wanted you to know there are others who are in the same boat as you. It's tough!

Youre not alone. Im 43. I ve been on and off internet dating for the last 10 years. Ive dated people and they last for a few months. However NONE of my relationships have ever lasted more than 12 months. Ive never lived or co-habited with anyone.

All my long term friends have known me to be single. Every Christmas dinner at my relatives they always known me as single. Every invite for weddings I ve been known not to take anyone along. I think Im destined to be single. Its depressing.

41 with no concept of relation. 6'1' , physically attractive, multi-millionaire, clueless in the social realm of life. Worthless in today's dollars.