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About Laluna14

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  1. Hi catfeeder. That is a good idea about the women's groups. I think it would help me to take men my age who are single out of the equation so I could continue to get the aspects of the spiritual groups that are good for me. I also like your idea about the quick coffee dates. Those are a good way to see right away if there is any potential or not rather than things going on and on, and as you say it's not this ongoing thing that I would obsess over like in the spiritual group. And it removes all this projection and fantasizing about something that doesn't exist which I know is not healthy. Than
  2. Hi proseyxi. You've definitely given me some food for thought. Yes, I do see a pattern for sure! I will definitely take your suggestion of looking at men I don't have to chase in the future. It would certainly make things easier because I know they are interested and don't need to spend all this time wondering. I think I need to be more open to those men and maybe ones I don't consider my type. I'm quite shy and quiet so that is why I thought that a man with similar temperament might understand me and be a good match. But who knows, maybe an extroverted, loud and fun loving guy might be good f
  3. Hi Tinydancer, Yes, I think that I am lonely. I'm also a hopeless romantic. I do want to be in love and find my partner. I think in the case of this latest guy there is a chance that he may be interested. But I don't feel he would ever make any kind of move so it would be up to me. I don't know if I ever could muster up the nerve to just out of the blue ask him for a coffee. Also we're never alone together so I am not sure there ever would be an opportunity. I also am not sure he would even be interested in a relationship because of how devoted he is to the group. Also, if he said no or
  4. Hi Jibralta. Thanks for reading. I guess the difference is that when I've dated it's been someone I met online and we meet in person and see if we like eachother. So it seems different to me than these unrequited crushes that usually come about because I'm in proximity to a guy. I think the spiritual aspect comes into play also and is something I find attractive. There have been situations with guys who I have found attracted and was interested in getting to know and they were not wanting to commit or seemed unavailable or not that interested or just wanted sex. In those cases though usually i
  5. Hi there, thanks for your questions. Uneciprocated interest seems to be my life story. :) But thank you for telling me not to lose hope. I'm not married, never been married. Do not have kids and am now too old to have children of my own. I'd be open to being involved with a man with children however as I do like kids. Honestly, it's been a long time since I felt any man show interest in me. I think once you get over a certain age, men stop showing interest, flirting or hitting on you. At least that has been my experience since I reached 40. In the past the men that would hit on me, gene
  6. Hi all, I consider myself a spiritual person and have been in different meditation groups following a certain teacher for a number of years. I've noticed a pattern of falling into deep crushes with guys in these groups, some single, some not. But in all cases it's been unrequited. Because we meet and I'm contact with them regularly it tends to just grow out of hand and also we never meet outside of these sessions, so there is never any chance really for anything to be resolved. It's quite a conundrum. It seems whenever an attractive guy somewhat near my age is spiritually inclined and tends
  7. Hi all, Hoping you can help me with some advice. A few months ago I decided to try online dating again. I went on two "first meetings", don't want to call them dates as to me it was just a meeting to see if there was mutual attraction or interest. The first one we met at a local beach and went for a really nice long walk. We went to a market and watched a busker/magician act which was really funny then walked back. It was very pleasant. We talked about how we both like hiking and at the end agreed we would meet up again and go on a hike together this summer. I think this was maybe in Ma
  8. Hi Sera, just wanted to chime in here and say you are not alone. I am 41 and have never really had a serious relationship. I have online dated for many years but never met anyone that progressed more than a few dates. I have also joined meetups and done all those things that people suggest, i.e. activities that I am interested in that will help me to meet people. I too come across as shy and quiet and am socially anxious and as such have a small circle of friends, so I am sure this contributes to my difficulties meeting someone. I really do long for a relationship but this has always been a re
  9. Thanks very much for your advice. It's been super helpful. Despite him saying the ball was in my court and he would wait for me to contact him, he has texted me a couple of times but I have ignored his texts. Moving on. Thank you!
  10. Thank you guys for helping me see the voice of reason! I know you are all right. I did not contact him today. The one thing that is keeping me from giving him another chance is that fear that he would be persistent and want me to do things with him in person that I was not comfortable with or ready for. Even though he seemed remorseful, said he was trying etc. and seemed like a nice guy otherwise I just can't go any further with this person.
  11. Well the past few days we just exchanged a few normal texts about how our days were etc. He then asked if I still felt we were incompatible and what I thought about having a second date. I feel like he is very persistent and continuing to text, even non-sexual texts might not be the right thing to do. I told him I needed to think about it and he then backed off completely and said the ball is in my court and he would not message me anymore. He seemed to be acting respectful, said he was really trying etc. It's confusing. I feel very uncertain but definitely feel like I need some time. Ev
  12. Thanks for the words of wisdom guys. He is in his mid-30s and I'm in my late 30s, so no definitely not a teenager although he is acting like it. I do agree that I'm hoping he will change from a frog into a prince but past experience has shown that won't happen. He told me he is lonely and promised he would change etc. but that doesn't sound like a recipe for a good relationship if there are these issues at the start. Thanks for helping me sort this out in my head. Dating is hard, and yeah I do need to work at boundaries and filters.
  13. Thanks guys for your advice. I was willing to a point. I expressed several times that it was getting too much for me and he would apologize and say he would slow it down but then he was right back at it again like the next day. I do worry that I encouraged it by responding to him and engaging in it. He was very persuasive unfortunately and I got carried away and went along with it. But it's just relentless and I can't keep up with that, nor do I want it to be 100% about sex all the time. And I did make that clear to him. And while I did participate, I do prefer to take things slowly and not to
  14. Sorry about the troll on this thread. Thanks guys for your responses. It was very helpful. Last night I sent him a text saying that I felt we were incompatible and didn't want to take it any further and that if he reflects on our conversations he should know the reason. He seemed hurt and surprised but knew it was about the sex talk. I reiterated that I had said it was making me uncomfortable and asked him to tone it down several times and he didn't. He then said that he had real feelings for me and was sorry he didn't know how to express himself well and got carried away. I don't know wha
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