Broken up and he only wants a sexual relationship but I still love him.

A few months ago I was in an on/off long distance relationship with this guy. I have known him for 8.5 years but not always been in a relationship. Everything was great, he was awesome and amazing but we started to have problems and he used to flip whenever we used to have fights or argue, he would not talk to me, neither try to solve the problems and he used to say mean stuff to me, all insensitive things he could. I tried to solve the problems but he acted as if he does not care it made me sad and I cried a lot but because I always loved him so we managed to get back together too but because of the problems and his attitude I sometimes could not reciprocate as I just wanted him to apologize I felt really bad because of his sudden flip of emotions and insensitive behaviour. He is like I am human I made a mistake and I should ignore it but he never actually ignored my mistake. Moreover, he had a habit of not communicating his discomfort or problems until he was ready to burst. I will not lie I made my share of mistakes and might even hurt him too, so one day he says I can't love you anymore and I don't think I can in future too, it broke my heart and I begged him to love me back. I know I should not do that. but I felt helpless.

I was there for him even tried to solve the problems but he is like never picked up my calls when we were in an argument and he would just ignore me and once he okay, he comes back but not apologize and expect I should be okay. I love him dearly though and I helplessly sometimes try to talk to him but he is really rude and disrespects my feelings. But then he is like I don't love you and might never now but I am sexually attracted to you so we can be sexually together. And he even talks nicely about that stuff too. He says he'll be there for me too and be my friend.

I feel if I try to be sexual with him and we start talking he might realize our problem was communication which he did not try to help me with. It was 8.5 years, it has to have some value to him and I feel if we really talk as normally as we could then it can remind him of all the good things we share. Yes, I want him because I love him and as a human I still feel he will love me back, if he loved me once then he can though he claims he can never love me again but then he claimed he can never leave me because he loves me way too much.

I don't know what should I do. How to feel fine because I panic a lot that I will lose him and I will be alone and he might never want to talk to me. I panic a lot I don't know if I should be sexually there for him and not expect him to love me back but hope that one day he has a change of heart. I need help.

First off; sorry you're hurting the way you are however: It will be absolutely and 100% impossible for you to have only a sexual relationship with this indifferent and illusive guy that you are obsessed with. Do yourself a favor and stop all contact with him so that you can rehab from your addiction to him, heal and then go on to find someone close to you (not long distance) wherein you can nurture a relationship with successfully.

Zero contact will help you to detox and rehab from him.

You cant make him love you if he doesnt. He's told you he doesnt love you but he can still f*ck you if you let him. Please dont do that, dont lower yourself like that. You are obsessed with a guy who doesnt want you and if you do choose to have sex with him you will feel terrible afterwards when you see he only did it because you let him, not because he's in love with you. You'd do well to force yourself to have no contact with him at all. Zero. Nada. You are tormenting yourself over a guy who doesnt want you the way you want him.

I tried that too I was feeling fine but then I fell back to the panic state that I will lose him for forever but you know I feel I should let go if he really loved me he might come back. But everything just makes me miserable I broke off all the contacts but I do feel miserable every now and then. I just don't know what should I do.. It pains very much to leave somebody who means a lot to me. The pain is excruciating.

You cant make him love you if he doesnt. He's told you he doesnt love you but he can still f*ck you if you let him. Please dont do that, dont lower yourself like that. You are obsessed with a guy who doesnt want you and if you do choose to have sex with him you will feel terrible afterwards when you see he only did it because you let him, not because he's in love with you. You'd do well to force yourself to have no contact with him at all. Zero. Nada. You are tormenting yourself over a guy who doesnt want you the way you want him.

I don't feel nice about the sexual thing but I just feel I will lose him and right now I am really weak, though I try to accept it but the pain is excruciating. I don't know how to make myself feel better.

You have to give it time. You're still addicted to him and your pain is of withdrawl. In time and with zero contact you will feel better an the withdrawl symptoms will become less and less noticeable.

You are wasting your life and your good dating years on this guy. He doesn't want what you want so do your best to keep busy so that you're not dwelling in your thoughts of him.

You have to give it time. You're still addicted to him and your pain is of withdrawl. In time and with zero contact you will feel better an the withdrawl symptoms will become less and less noticeable.

 

You are wasting your life and your good dating years on this guy. He doesn't want what you want so do your best to keep busy so that you're not dwelling in your thoughts of him.

I am really having a hard time. I keep myself busy too but he is there in the back of my head. I don't want to feel this way I want to end my suffering with a permanent solution. I am not able to find the solution though.

I am really having a hard time. I keep myself busy too but he is there in the back of my head. I don't want to feel this way I want to end my suffering with a permanent solution. I am not able to find the solution though.

Sadly, we can't make someone love us so the "permanent solution" in your particular case is to accept that he's not willing to give you more then sex (when HE wants to, not when you want him to) and that continuing on with someone that you feel you love when he can only give you sex when he deems it, will make you feel even more sad and lonely then you already do. You will continue to suffer indefinitely instead of being able to actually heal from him and move on.

You are not alone in your pain and you will definitely get over it all if you give it time, go zero contact and keep yourself busy. You must also immediately change your thoughts to something else when he pops into your head.

Don't talk to him anymore and if he contacts you with crumbs or to initiate sex then don't be foolish enough to think that he wants more then an orgasm. He does not. He's clearly told you that, luv.

Yeah, I guess I should do that. I will try to atleast. Thank you so much.

Yeah, I guess I should do that. I will try to atleast. Thank you so much.

You CAN do it. You will feel a lot better soon enough if you just rehab from him through zero contact.

Keep posting here if you have the urge to contact him... We will talk you out of it.

You CAN do it. You will feel a lot better soon enough if you just rehab from him through zero contact.

 

Keep posting here if you have the urge to contact him... We will talk you out of it.

That would really help. Really. Thank you so much.

I also have the feelings that he will be back, and it will get better and it makes me think so much all the time. I need help with this too. Is feeling that he might love me back or the feeling of wanting back is good. I mean I know it is not good but I hope and it makes me weak.

I also have the feelings that he will be back, and it will get better and it makes me think so much all the time. I need help with this too. Is feeling that he might love me back or the feeling of wanting back is good. I mean I know it is not good but I hope and it makes me weak.

Don't have those kinds of hopes. Dismiss them from your mind. If he wants you the way you want him then he'll contact you. You'd be smart to not accept him into your bed under the same dynamics. Unless he wants you as his girlfriend/wife then just tell him you're not interested in being demoted to his eff buddy. No guy that wants you for his girlfriend would take a chance on losing you by telling you he only wanted to use you for an orgasm.

Don't have those kinds of hopes. Dismiss them from your mind. If he wants you the way you want him then he'll contact you. You'd be smart to not accept him into your bed under the same dynamics. Unless he wants you as his girlfriend/wife then just tell him you're not interested in being demoted to his eff buddy. No guy that wants you for his girlfriend would take a chance on losing you by telling you he only wanted to use you for an orgasm.

So I guess, he is not going to love me back again if he only wants me sexually. Is it so?

So I guess, he is not going to love me back again if he only wants me sexually. Is it so?

Pretty much, Hs... Sorry you're hurting but you'll be glad you're rid of him when you're healed and a great guy comes your way that you'd never have met had you kept boinking a guy that you love but does not love you back. You will see.

Pretty much, Hs... Sorry you're hurting but you'll be glad you're rid of him when you're healed and a great guy comes your way that you'd never have met had you kept boinking a guy that you love but does not love you back. You will see.

This really sucks. all those 8.5 years means nothing to him. Do you think he can ever realize it was just wrong.

Unfortunately it wasn't "wrong" for him. He's getting what he wants while you wish and wish for something different.

Don't do that to yourself. He won't give you what you want, but how do you know there isn't another man out there somewhere who will?

Unfortunately it wasn't "wrong" for him. He's getting what he wants while you wish and wish for something different.

 

Don't do that to yourself. He won't give you what you want, but how do you know there isn't another man out there somewhere who will?

Because right now I have a lot of pain in my heart and I don't know how to deal with it, I just want him in my life. And I feel I can never love anybody because I just can not put those efforts into anything anymore.

Read my signature line.

He is CAUSING the pain...allowing him to use you for sex isn't the cure for the pain. It'll only cause more.

Read my signature line.

 

He is CAUSING the pain...allowing him to use you for sex isn't the cure for the pain. It'll only cause more.

I guess I know this but I find it very hard to accept it. I feel so empty and drained and at the end of the day I just feel it will be okay, things can get better with him. I have gone zero contact with him but it comes back and I fear I will lose him for forever, I guess I am more afraid of what will happen in a long run. He is being very disrespectful to my feelings and me but then I can not even hate him for that. I just feel if he will love me back then it will be okay things will be okay. I just want it out of my system it is torturing me and I just feel helpless I don't know what to do. I feel so alone and lonely that I just think of the time when we had great understanding and everything was great and how can that perfect person became so mean to me.. I just want to talk to him I feel restless and I just want his reply I just want to be there in his life. and I feel so helpless.

I am sorry you're going through this, OP. Your pain is palpable.

Time is what you really need to begin to heal. Recovery from a break-up isn't a quick or linear process, unfortunately. Yes, it's a very helpless feeling. One thing you need to remind yourself is that him coming back into your life isn't going to make this all better. He's not the guy who's going to bring you love and joy, so even if he did come knocking again, the same thing would likely happen all over again.

It's painful, and we can sympathize. It will take a while to get it out of your system. But it will happen. Be patient and kind with yourself.

Please do not engage in a sexual relationship with him. I did with my most recent ex because I thought it would make him want me more, but it just caused me so much more heartbreak in the end. If I could, I would've gone back and ended it properly instead of hanging on to a little hope that being there would make him want me more. I know it's hard, but you deserve much more than someone who just wants you sexually when you still love them.

I am sorry you're going through this, OP. Your pain is palpable.

 

Time is what you really need to begin to heal. Recovery from a break-up isn't a quick or linear process, unfortunately. Yes, it's a very helpless feeling. One thing you need to remind yourself is that him coming back into your life isn't going to make this all better. He's not the guy who's going to bring you love and joy, so even if he did come knocking again, the same thing would likely happen all over again.

 

It's painful, and we can sympathize. It will take a while to get it out of your system. But it will happen. Be patient and kind with yourself.

I know it is not easy and will take time. It really hurts me a lot. I feel so empty. But I guess I am trying to improve on it by coming here and seeking help.

Thank you for you kind words. I know it might not be the same thing when and if he comes back. I guess I feel it is how I will feel fine. but who knows what future holds for me.

I try to be kind to me.

thank you

Please do not engage in a sexual relationship with him. I did with my most recent ex because I thought it would make him want me more, but it just caused me so much more heartbreak in the end. If I could, I would've gone back and ended it properly instead of hanging on to a little hope that being there would make him want me more. I know it's hard, but you deserve much more than someone who just wants you sexually when you still love them.

Omg. That is really sad. I actually thought the same that he will want me more and he even started talking to me nicely too. I don't know. I mean yeah you are right. Did he stopped talking to you or lose interest. He says to me that I rather have a sexual relationship with you than with other person because I feel comfortable and sexual attracted to you only. I don;t understand this. I mean I just don't. But I know he is somebody who wants me sexually while I want to spend my life with him.

Sex isn't the way to regain an ex's interest. Yeah, they'll keep you buttered up so you keep offering sexual affection. But it would be a grave mistake to assume that sweet talk is coming from a place of love.

Please, don't do this to yourself. You will feel a heck of a lot worse when he stops having sex with you because he met someone else.