Distance Between My Parents. I want to push them away forever.

Distance does not happen all at once. It happens gradually. Bit by bit until you're pushed over the edge and you can't see a point anymore. I can feel that happening between my father and I. What scares me most is that I don't care.

Hi, my name is Jasmine and my father and I have been best friends for 2 years now. I used to live with my mum. She left dad when I was 3 and I was always close to her until I moved. Because she was a teen mum she never had a chance to grow up so when I left she felt no need to contact me. She missed me, I know that but we grew distant. Only, this distance was physical. I still call her about things. Sometimes I even talk to her weekly. I moved to my dads when I was 11 and I have been with him 4 years now and usually we are so, so close but this past month things are changing. He is so aggressive and he drinks every night. He is in a relationship he isn't happy with and he had no job for a year. Now he isn't happy with the job he has. To top it all off we live with my grandma who he clashes with and she also has stage 5 cancer. She is dying. I can understand the pain he feels but all he does is yell at her and I. He is always right no matter what. I am a chatty person and I used to talk to him all the time. Now he doesn't even know when I eat except for dinner. When we have dinner though he insists upon the television being on. My report card just came back and it wasn't great.He didn't even talk to me about it. He gave it to me and then later I heard him talking to grandma about how much of a disappointment I am. I got 2 A's, 3 C's and a D for maths. My effort and behaviour was consistently an A or B. I understand that I am emotional due to hormones as I am a teenager but I just feel like he shouldn't be so negative. He doesn't understand I am mature and that I want to do best for myself but I am also battling emotion and fighting my own way through life. He never attended bast year 10 either so he doesn't understand. I said earlier that I didn't care but I guess part of me does otherwise I would not be here....

I just feel alone. My mum isn't here. My dad shows only anger and my grandmama is dying.

Sometimes life is hard and I know I will be okay but sometimes you just need an outlet.

Sometimes you need a parent.

Today I feel alone.

I am so sorry you are going through this, Jasmine. Both you and your Dad sound like you're having a tough time right now with many things. Stress can cause fights and people to be more anxious or depressed than they normally would be and this is what it sounds like has happened to your Dad.

I bet he does love you very much and does want the best for you, but he is unhappy in so many areas of his life right now. Him yelling is a way of getting some of that stress out and no it's not right but he doesn't seem to be coping the best right now.

On your side it sounds tough too. Yes, being a teenager can be very tough not only with the growing pains and changes and hormones but with trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in.

It can make a person feel alone when they don't feel understood.

It was many moons ago, but I remember how at times I felt the same as you as a young girl, feeling like no one cared or understood how hard it could be at times.

(hugs).

You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders though and are being very strong with your grandma being sick and your Dad not feeling the best. I know that can be tough too when all you want to do is be the kid and not have to worry about these adult situations.

You're not alone.

Keep posting and writing anytime you need to be heard or want someone to listen or give advise.

Hi Jasmine,

I'm sorry about your grandma's poor health and your difficult home life. Are there any other relatives in the area, like aunts and uncles who you could talk to about this? Can you have a discussion with your dad when he is in a mellow mood and tell him how you're feeling? Keep it about "I feel" words, instead of blaming words such as "you never." He will maybe try harder to keep the peace in the house if he knows how much it's upsetting you. Examples would be: I miss the times we would talk at the table. Can we keep the television off when we eat dinner?

Grandma only has a short time left to live. What can we do as a family to make sure she lives her last months as wonderfully as possible?

How is your mother's home life now? Is it possible that now is the time that you move back with her? Do you think she would welcome this, and that it would be best for you?

If your efforts don't pan out, perhaps you can spend less time at home and study at the library, or go to friends homes and have study sessions together. Take care.

Unfortunately no, there are no near relatives and dad doesn't like feeling confronted so I think I will have to wait for it all to blow over. Thank you so much for your post. My mother's house could be perfect only it is a 2 hour plane flight and 6 hour drive to her house so being in year 11 the change would be too dramatic and where she lives is not the best place for my academic future to unfold.

I think you're right though... Maybe I should start spending more time at the library instead. Even days with grandma would be good. Thank you so much for taking your time to message. It means a lot...

Thank you so, so much for this. I teared up a bit as it meant so much. I think you're right. I need to stay tough and reaching out on here helps abundantly. Thank you so much again for the time you took to make my day!

Jasmine, who administers granny's meds, washes her, changes the bedsheets, etc, does she have a carer?

i would get in touch with the nearest hospice or social services and explain her situation. they can offer to have someone come over daily, it would give both you and grandma a break from his negativity, and fill at least a portion of your day with compassion and kindness. if you trust them and speak to them in private, you may tell them about dad's behavior recently. they are very discrete and tactful and will take care to not let dad know you've talked to them about it or create more hostility. perhaps they can also arrange for your grandma to be cared for in a facility where you can visit as much as you like. social services also have volunteers who can come over to keep you and her company, help with errands, or just lighten the mood. we had a wonderful visiting nurse when my mother was dying. the brain atrophy and meds and the manic defenses against the waxing of her life changed my mother significantly, and she was very difficult to live with in her final months. at least the nurse who visited twice a week had a talent for infusing the atmosphere with fun and harmony, and it was much appreciated. perhaps you would benefit from someone dropping by.

children and the dying should never be yelled at. i am impressed that in a different thread you understood your father's weakness/ helplessness as manifesting in this behavior.

i am so sorry you are going through this. yes, please stay here and reach out whenever you need support.

how is the anticipatory mourning process? let us know how we can help.

jumbo hugs.

I think that would be very beneficial for her only my grandmother is as stubborn as she is kind. She would take offence in someone looking after her.

She is only 65 and works weekly and that is why she is always so tired.

Thank you so much for your support, it means everything.

I will certainly continue to post as I find it is people like you that can make someone else who is sad, happy.

Thank you for that.

((HUGS))