On the first date - you see red flags but what to do ?

I have unfortunetly been doing the online dating thing for longer then I want to admit. My goal is to find a MUTUAL connection with someone, where he likes me a lot and I like him a lot, we both don't have the desire to see others which becomes monogamous. Basically, a "relationship" I want something that means something, I want to be that special girl to this person, with trust and great memories.

Never in a million years would I think I would still be doing this online dating thing for this friggin long.

I went on a date yesterday , had a great time but he doesn't ask me questions. That bothers me , if I say something - I feel like he's not listening but he is able to repeat it cuz i teased him that he wasn't listening but he repeated it back. In the beginning ,It's so easy to say "I'm done" or to push someone away..

But I don't know if I should see him again because I feel like he might be a narcissist , as my last ex was and that was hell. I don't know what to do because what if he is someone I could have that connection with that I yearn for ?

Go on another date. Be bold on dates. Ask him why he doesn't ask questions. Maybe he has a shy personality etc.

I like when women are honest about their feelings.

good luck.

He doesn't ask you questions....is such a loaded statement......

He wasn't asking you questions because...

He was busy talking about himself?

You were bombarding him with questions so he was busy responding?

You were already doing all the talking about yourself and telling him more than he needs to know on date one?

I'm so miffed he didn't ask me questions because I really wanted to talk more about MEEEEEE MEEE MEEE (I'm really self centered and in denial)

He was shy?

He was nervous?

He didn't want to come off like prying and felt it's better to leave you to share as you are comfortable?

He wasn't into you?

Anyway, all above aside, when in doubt be open to go on a another date and see how that goes, just be sure to check your personal baggage first. If you just aren't clicking, then don't bother, just keep arranging other dates with other people. Finding a person you click with is hard work and involves kissing many many frogs that are .....just frogs.

Trust your gut. If a guy isn't asking questions, then he isn't that interested. Take a scenario of someone buying a new car....they want to know everything about it....they want to find out if it suits their needs or not so they probe every aspect of it....does it have all the things I want from a new car?

Don't let the fact that you have been doing this for so long make you lower your standards. I'm sure after your experience with your narcissistic ex that being on your own is far more preferable that being with someone that isn't right for you.

If you see any red flags...probe them a little....if they are legitimate red flags say 'next'!

Best of luck.

How would you get to know someone if u never ask them questions?

Always talk on the phone before going on a date. This way, you get a good idea if you'll have some type of rapport - at least if you aren't physically attracted to eachother, at least the date won't be a dry bust.

Wow that's a leap. Because he's a good listener and politely doesn't interrogate, he's a narcissist?

If you are on the fence and the chemistry is decent try another date. You don't have a 'connection' after a few hours and a few sips of coffee. Sometimes if you are with a big talker you don't have to ask questions or don't get the chance and you kept asking him "are you listening?"

Everyone is a bit nervous and it's all new and maybe awkward. Try not to seek out the slick player types like your ex.

If your ex is on your mind still and you are playing a defensive game as a result, then open your mind or slow down the dating.

I went on a date yesterday , had a great time but he doesn't ask me questions. That bothers me. But I don't know if I should see him again because I feel like he might be a narcissist , as my last ex was and that was hell.

After only after one date, I think it's way too soon to pull the trigger. I'd give him another chance, after all what have you got to lose?

JMO.

I have unfortunetly been doing the online dating thing for longer then I want to admit. My goal is to find a MUTUAL connection with someone, where he likes me a lot and I like him a lot, we both don't have the desire to see others which becomes monogamous. Basically, a "relationship" I want something that means something, I want to be that special girl to this person, with trust and great memories.

 

Never in a million years would I think I would still be doing this online dating thing for this friggin long.

I went on a date yesterday , had a great time but he doesn't ask me questions. That bothers me , if I say something - I feel like he's not listening but he is able to repeat it cuz i teased him that he wasn't listening but he repeated it back. In the beginning ,It's so easy to say "I'm done" or to push someone away..

But I don't know if I should see him again because I feel like he might be a narcissist , as my last ex was and that was hell. I don't know what to do because what if he is someone I could have that connection with that I yearn for ?

I can understand your pain. To me its a little strange when there isn't a kind of mutual exchange of asking questions and being curious about the other person. Go on another date, but pay close attention. I recently met a guy I really liked, who ended up hurting me. I should have paid attention to the way he talked only about himself, I would mention something about me and he made it all about himself. Now that I think about it, Idk if he knows anything about me or bothered to even remember. If he continues talking about himself, I would give him a pass.

Diagnosing him with a medical condition after one date???

Maybe he was nervous.

Something like that you cannot judge on one date. I did a ton of OLD myself. Really these often fell into three categories: a) such giant red flags or something really specific that made me not go on a second date. And it had to be a big something so obvious I couldn't miss it or b) I maybe didn't feel anything much on a first date or there were issues like they didn't talk much, didn't ask questions, didn't seem that interested etc. Those, if they asked, I gave a second date to, because I don't warm up easily to people and I'm sure others have the same issue. And a few times I was pleasantly surprised that at the next date it went a lot better. c) was the guys who never asked me out again. Oh well.

Go out again, see if things are better. If they still don't ask a single thing or there are other red flags present then don't go out a third time. But lots of times one meeting alone won't tell you enough to be able to judge if they are just nervous and so intent on an internal dialogue of (don't say something stupid, don't say something stupid, oh don't...) that they forget to talk to you OR if they really are just so self-absorbed it really is all about them.

I found the guy who wanted to know really intimate dark stuff about me on a first date, who asked really probing uncomfortable questions was usually a far bigger problem. Those didn't get a second date.