Can you marry if you don't like her dad?

My girlfriend and I have been together 4 years. We are both 26. Relationship wise, things are great. We get along and communicate well. There are a ton of things I love about her. However, I cannot stand her dad. (Love her mom though. Parents are married)

I find myself holding back from thinking about proposing and taking the next step in our relationship because of how much I dislike family functions with her parents simply because of her dad. Him and I get along (for now) but only because I bite my tongue towards his idiotic comments that spew from his mouth every time he talks. I am not sure how I would be able to deal with him for the next however many years, let alone if/when my girlfriend and I have kids together and end up having to spend more time with him than I do now.

I feel silly being at this type of crossroads, but here I am. I love my girlfriend to death and I couldn't ask for much more in a woman.........any advise would be appreciated.

Two questions:

1. Why don't you like him?

2. How does your girlfriend act around him?

Can't stand my SO's family...if they lived closer and I had to see them often, it would be a deal-breaker but they live far away and are too poor to move anywhere outside of their podunk town and my SO loves our city so...yeah, no problem.

For me, it would depend. How old is the guy? Is he in poor health or have bad habits? He may not be around kicking for as long as you think he will. Also, does he live far away? If you rarely see him, then it can be manageable. If it's more of an "Everyone loves Raymond" scenario where you'll be expected to be around him a lot and have him in your home a lot, then yeah, I would think twice about marriage.

My husband and I are still together 23 years married and have a son and for 22 years of our marriage I despised his parents. I was polite for his sake and my son's sake . Now they're in their mid 80's and too worried to keep themselves together to have any effort left to pick on me .

You're smart to learn to 'hold your tongue" and not bother giving any credence or worth to his drivel.

Everyone has to deal with in-laws, their own families, coworkers, etc. and most have a pontificating loudmouth among them.

At the end of the day you marry her not him. However maybe the cold feet is something else and he's just the major focus?

Does your girlfriend know how you feel about her dad? I think that's definitely a conversation that should happen before any proposal.

Is the dad genuinely a jerk, or is it just a compatibility issue between the two of you? Perhaps there's something you can do to look at him differently and see his strengths. In order to have a successful marriage, you'll at least need to be able to tolerate the guy. Forcing your girl to choose between you and her dad is an awful choice for her to have to make.

My girlfriend and I have been together 4 years. We are both 26. Relationship wise, things are great. We get along and communicate well. There are a ton of things I love about her. However, I cannot stand her dad. (Love her mom though. Parents are married)

I find myself holding back from thinking about proposing and taking the next step in our relationship because of how much I dislike family functions with her parents simply because of her dad. Him and I get along (for now) but only because I bite my tongue towards his idiotic comments that spew from his mouth every time he talks. I am not sure how I would be able to deal with him for the next however many years, let alone if/when my girlfriend and I have kids together and end up having to spend more time with him than I do now.

I feel silly being at this type of crossroads, but here I am. I love my girlfriend to death and I couldn't ask for much more in a woman.........any advise would be appreciated.

Are you a young know it all who thinks you are infinitely more cultured and "right" than her dad?

Whether that's the case or not, if you truly love this woman more than anything and want to be her husband, then you will learn to love her father. You will find something good about him. If she loves her dad, has a good relationship, etc, then that's what you do when you love a woman. You don't have to be his best friend, but you will find the good parts about him. If he is a good father to her (didn't abandon her at any point, loves his wife, etc, and she cares for him) then that's the least you can do.

Fudgie's situation is different because her boyfirend's family lives a distance a way and he also keeps them at arm's length.

I have expressed my feelings to her about her dad in the most polite way possible. So yes, she does know how I feel. But with that being said, I did not get my point across with the exact demeanor of how I truly feel about him.

The guy isn't a jerk. He treats me really well, actually. It is 100% compatibility issue. Funny thing is, after 4 years of being together, I have crossed paths with a lot of people that know him. Vast majority seem to have the same interpretation of him that I do. Loud mouth that speaks his mind 24/7 and doesn't even think twice what the other person may think.

That was to gebaird

I have expressed my feelings to her about her dad in the most polite way possible. So yes, she does know how I feel. But with that being said, I did not get my point across with the exact demeanor of how I truly feel about him.

 

The guy isn't a jerk. He treats me really well, actually. It is 100% compatibility issue. Funny thing is, after 4 years of being together, I have crossed paths with a lot of people that know him. Vast majority seem to have the same interpretation of him that I do. Loud mouth that speaks his mind 24/7 and doesn't even think twice what the other person may think.

So he has no filter. If he is great to you, then just ignore it. It is good thing, though, that you will always know how he is feeling and he's not two faced. He's someone who just lays it all out. Just don't tell him your deep dark secrets. If everyone knows how he is - then they all just deal. If he says things that are untrue about you, set the record straight in a loving or joking fashion, but if he is a good man, i would not let it bother you. Unless you are willing to lose your girlfriend over it.

he treats you well. and his comments are aimed at who? are they derogatory, to you?

if he just speaks nonsense, it is proof of his poor social intelligence, and things like that. not his relationship with you.

i gather he likes you? if so, love that StupidMouth future FiL.

You're smart to learn to 'hold your tongue" and not bother giving any credence or worth to his drivel.

 

Everyone has to deal with in-laws, their own families, coworkers, etc. and most have a pontificating loudmouth among them.

 

At the end of the day you marry her not him. However maybe the cold feet is something else and he's just the major focus?

I am really unsure if I have cold feet about something else? I won't close my mind to the thought....

Download this : Loud mouth that speaks his mind 24/7 and doesn't even think twice what the other person may think.

"Series Description: One of the most acclaimed comedy series of all time, "All in the Family" with Archie Bunker as the irascible, highly opinionated, working class family man who viewed the world on his terms and his terms only. When not arguing with his liberal son-in-law, "Meathead," Archie took refuge in his long-suffering wife, Edith, who tries her best to understand Archie's conservative ways and outdated beliefs."

he treats you well. and his comments are aimed at who? are they derogatory, to you?

 

if he just speaks nonsense, it is proof of his poor social intelligence, and things like that. not his relationship with you.

 

i gather he likes you? if so, love that StupidMouth future FiL.

He is extremely proud of himself and he isnt afraid to share his feelings. He owns his own business, and everyone who wakes in the morning and goes and works "some job" is just an idiot, they are just not smart enough to own their own business. (I work "some job." Far from a dead end one at that.) Everything he has ever done in his life he has been the best at. Everyone on this planet is jealous of him........crap like this. But the thing is, he doesn't even realize how rude he is being when he speaks.

eek, yeah, i see what you mean.

has the daughter inherited and internalized his views about success and "some jobs" and similar?

is he supportive of you as a couple otherwise? what do you imagine his reaction would be when you two got engaged?

He is extremely proud of himself and he isnt afraid to share his feelings. He owns his own business, and everyone who wakes in the morning and goes and works "some job" is just an idiot, they are just not smart enough to own their own business. (I work "some job." Far from a dead end one at that.) Everything he has ever done in his life he has been the best at. Everyone on this planet is jealous of him........crap like this. But the thing is, he doesn't even realize how rude he is being when he speaks.

don't take is so personally. i have my own business and some people don't understand it and don't see how i pay my bills or how i have a car if i don't punch a clock, so it goes both ways. he doesn't understand any other way.

maybe you can learn something from him if he is super successful. Or just say "i am glad that you are successful and took care of __girlfriend's name-- like you were able to. you are great parents to her" or be interested and ask how he decided to have his own business, etc. or just ignore it. its up to you.

If all it is is that he is a puffed up peacock about his success - then seriously, its nothing compared to what you could get as far as a future father in law. So he needs his ego massaged once in awhile.

eek, yeah, i see what you mean.

 

 

has the daughter inherited and internalized his views about success and "some jobs" and similar?

 

is he supportive of you as a couple otherwise? what do you imagine his reaction would be when you two got engaged?

Since her and I have been together she has calmed down immensely with her ego and views towards this. She is much more of a level headed person today than 4 years ago.

He is supportive of us as a couple. I think he would be happy if we got engaged.

then i would go with abit's advice. they are rarely perfect. often, they are obnoxious. you will hate thanksgiving and the like. but you will learn to mute his comments.

maybe accept the fact that you don't accept him yet at this point. if that makes sense. i mean, is there a hurry, are you planning an engagement soon? and even if, how exposed to this would you really be? give yourself time to get more comfortable with how he is. my ex and i learned to have insane giggles over our parents' peculiarities. his dad was...ugh so exhausting. but a good person, also didn't even realize how he came across and was really supportive of us. if they like and support you, you adopt the "he's dumb as a brick but he's ours and i love him" stand. the important thing is he is benevolent and supportive with you guys, and it's all too true that's way more than many couples get, in-laws wise.

don't take is so personally. i have my own business and some people don't understand it and don't see how i pay my bills or how i have a car if i don't punch a clock, so it goes both ways. he doesn't understand any other way.

maybe you can learn something from him if he is super successful. Or just say "i am glad that you are successful and took care of __girlfriend's name-- like you were able to. you are great parents to her" or be interested and ask how he decided to have his own business, etc. or just ignore it. its up to you.

 

If all it is is that he is a puffed up peacock about his success - then seriously, its nothing compared to what you could get as far as a future father in law. So he needs his ego massaged once in awhile.

Lol, I have been told 100 times why he has his own business......He is just a very self absorbed person. Puffed up peacock is more of an accurate term.

then i would go with abit's advice. they are rarely perfect. often, they are obnoxious. you will hate thanksgiving and the like. but you will learn to mute his comments.

 

maybe accept the fact that you don't accept him yet at this point. if that makes sense. i mean, is there a hurry, are you planning an engagement soon? if not, give yourself time to get more comfortable with how he is. my ex and i learned to have insane giggles over our parents' peculiarities. his dad was...ugh so exhausting. but a good person, also didn't even realize how he came across and was really supportive of us. if they like and support you, you adopt the "he's dumb as a brick but he's ours and i love him" stand.

I have been trying to like the guy for 4 years lol!! I can adopt the "dumb as a brick" mentality, but not sure about "he's ours and i love him." Lol.

I have been trying to like the guy for 4 years lol!! I can adopt the "dumb as a brick" mentality, but not sure about "he's ours and i love him." Lol.

well, okay, maybe not love him. you actually don't even have to like your in-laws. they just need to be benign enough to not make your relationship and family life a living hell. my late mother, bless her soul, she was a good person but dammmnnn difficult. if she were still with us, i wouldn't expect a a guy to be nuts about her. just respect her as they would everyone, and tolerate her during gatherings.

op all he is doing is being obnoxious. that's not causing harm. count your blessings. maybe read some of the stories on here. about the satanic ones.

truth be told i can imagine a gathering five years from now when you introduce someone to your FiL and add "he has his own business" after his name, then run to the bathroom to laugh.