How do you deal?! Ex just moving forward....

My ex of 3 years is officially seeing someone else. We broke up at the end of December. It hasn't even been ONE MONTH. After picking up on clues, he's had her lined for who knows how long.

He's not worth it, I've mentioned here before that he has a drinking/financial problem. But damnit this freaking HURTS inside.

Somehow I found out that they're going to a hockey game tomorrow and boy, did that burn me. How is he affording that?!?! God only knows. Hah, I wonder since when he had the tickets purchased. How low....

I've been NC for 16 days now. He's called me 3x already. With 1 text message from last week saying, "Never stopped thinking about you. Hope you're doing alright."

I hate that this hurts. I wish I didn't care, yet I'm sitting here shaking with hurt and anger. I came home puking.

PLEASE knock some sense into me. Trust, I have 0 intentions in talking to him. I just feel so betrayed. This has never happened to me.

Every parasite needs a host, so he's got to line up a new warm body to jump on for his next blood meal.

I've mentioned here before that he has a drinking/financial problem.

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Finding love or happiness after a break up is not a race. It doesnt matter who found who first. You are just upset that he is out there 'happy' while you are still feeling the pain. Probably thinking that its not fair that you are still carrying a cross and he doesnt.

Dont feel that you have to bear the pain for the two of you. And you are right, life is not fair, so we have to do things that makes us happy.

But first, lets do this.... Your X is a douche and you are way way way better off without him, you are hurt because he found someone else and is doing fun things with her and not with you. He is going to go re-broke (if thats a word which Im sure its not) trying to impress this girl, but its only a matter of time before this new girl discovers what you already know.. he is a loser.

Meanwhile, you are going to find a guy that is better for you... So dont feel bad for you, feel bad for the poor girl who has yet to discover the headaches she is going to have over this guy. You are going to be okay

It's just the thought that, how could he DO something like that?!

He had been talking to this online girl for close to a year, on and off. I caught him, problems started ... amongst other things.

We broke up, it just so happened to be around the time she's visiting the states. And now they're parading around town. He's even referred to her as his "special lady friend." Don't ask how I found out, I just did. And I know I shouldn't have.

How much could she mean to him?? They officially just met at the start of January. Yet they've been talking for close to a year.

He had me fooled all along..the last year of our relationship. All because of her.

All because of him. He cheated on you, she didn't.

All because of her.

Oh yeah, of course he's at fault 100% in my eyes. Blood is on his hands. But she knew about me. She knew I was his girlfriend. But in the end, she was going to believe whatever he told her.

It sucks. I do feel like I'm the one carrying the cross of our broken full of lies relationship. Meanwhile he's out having a blast with his whatsapp special lady friend.

It hurts to know that he didn't/doesn't care for my feelings. He knew how much him talking to that girl bothered me. And now look ..

I will NEVER take that "man" back. But I hope that 1 day down the road, I do see him face to face. And make him realize what he hurt & lost forever.

Unfortunately...That was the exit sign you missed. Love, live and learn.

At least you are free to reflect and make better choices than insolvent alcoholic cheaters and now have a great example of all the deal breakers and red flags to watch out for.

He knew how much him talking to that girl bothered me.

"Don't ask how I found out, I just did. And I know I shouldn't have."

I bet you "found out" by either stalking his or her social media, or you're asking someone to tell you what he's doing.

If finding out these things hurts you, then STOP! Stop torturing yourself!

Stay no contact. And by this I mean real no contact, including blocking his number (no matter how good his texts make you feel, they're lies) and his and her social media so you're not tempted to keep checking.

"Don't ask how I found out, I just did. And I know I shouldn't have."

 

I bet you "found out" by either stalking his or her social media, or you're asking someone to tell you what he's doing.

 

If finding out these things hurts you, then STOP! Stop torturing yourself!

 

Stay no contact. And by this I mean real no contact, including blocking his number (no matter how good his texts make you feel, they're lies) and his and her social media so you're not tempted to keep checking.

You're right. I've picked up on a terrible terrible habit. I was doing it at first just to set the facts straight. That they finallllly met, etc. I confronted him about it. Said, don't ever speak to me again. Went NC since first week of January.

Now it seems like they're hanging out every weekend. And there I am. Snooping away. As if I need anymore proof that he was lying to me for a year about her.

Sigh .. I know I'll get better. I haven't cried all day. Maybe a little. I'm going to keep praying .. it's all I have left.

Unfortunately...That was the exit sign you missed. Love, live and learn.

Oh Wiseman, if you only knew. My exit sign was October 2015 when he broke up with me out of the blue. Because he was working 2 jobs and was "stressed."

We got back together less than a month later (November) for him to tell me that he had slept with some woman from his new second job. By then he had quit. That was the beginning of the end. Then came a toxic 2016 & came whatsapp special lady friend in April .. and here I am today.

With a new year to make things right.

I don't want closure from him. That's why NC has felt so much easier. He's a coward. Couldn't even admit his little romance with whatsapp girl when I asked him one last time.

I should've left him a long time ago. Would've saved me grief.

You're right. I've picked up on a terrible terrible habit. I was doing it at first just to set the facts straight. That they finallllly met, etc. I confronted him about it. Said, don't ever speak to me again. Went NC since first week of January.

 

Now it seems like they're hanging out every weekend. And there I am. Snooping away. As if I need anymore proof that he was lying to me for a year about her.

 

Sigh .. I know I'll get better. I haven't cried all day. Maybe a little. I'm going to keep praying .. it's all I have left.

Prayer is wonderful, but if you won't do anything to help yourself all the prayers in the world will be useless.

Nope, you have the choice to stop torturing yourself.

Go to "block" and block both his and her profiles. Then unfollow any possible mutual friends so their posts don't show up in your news feed, or disable the news feed option. Also block on Instagram, Twitter, whatever other media you can potentially snoop on.

Finally, use the block feature your cell carrier has to block his number.

YOU can do these things, you don't need to pray for someone else to help you do them.

There was a time in my life when I was a snooper like you.

Now I catch myself when the temptation rises and I ask myself out loud one question:

"If I do this (snoop) and find information am.I going to feel better or worse?"

Well, worse is always the answer of course and it becomes clear to me in that moment that I am in charge of whether or not I want to feel bad.

I can't blame him when it's my choice to check.

The other part of that is, if you don't find anything at that moment it doesn't make you feel better either. There are times when the information just isn't available.

So either way you lose.

It's just not worth it.

And if you think about it logically and not emotionally, why does his supposed happiness indicitive of how you should or shouldn't feel. One doesn't have anything to with each other. . at least not anymore

It can just plain hurt if the person is with someone else, even if he didn't cheat on you (which it sounds like he did), which hurts even more. Even if you're disgusted with him, angry, and so on, for most of us it's still painful, for a lot of the reasons mentioned.

I'm 41, having been in a variety of relationships before, and still, I am going through jealousy right now. And no cheating: just dumped for another relationship. I'm surprised by my feelings, which have been intense -- I actually would not have expected them. So there you go. The body/ lizard brain still, perhaps, feels that connection, and for some of us, it feels awful to see that connection threatened (even if our higher brain knows it's over).

I like No1's remark that it's 'not a race'. I like it because it reflects what probably many of us have seen with past relationships: that the first person to move on is not necessarily the happier and that things often look very different with time. Even though I know this well, I still have the feelings I do now, so to some degree I think I have to bear them until they cool, which they will. I'm sure you realize that, but there's a good chance that in five years you won't care who he's humping.

The alcoholism suggests a greater undercurrent of chaos, too. I don't wish the man ill myself, so it's not meant to slag him off. Nor do I think it's your job to feel sorry for him. However, he's likely going through some unseen pain, and will for a long time until he works on that stuff. And naturally you will feel like it was better for both of you to be apart in time (when, by the way, there's a good chance he won't be with that woman).

I meant to add that my ex, who is not alcoholic, met someone 3 weeks prior to when we were to be traveling together, and then only had (from my understanding) a getting-together discussion literally two days before we were to meet (this was all long-distance). In those two days, they decided to be exclusive. It's one of the numerous shocks I've experienced. I mean, I could totally have seen her developing feelings, or wondering about mine, and initiating that discussion with me, because we had unclarity. But that rapidity? I don't even know what to think. In some ways, it seems very unstable. But it also makes the dumpee feel like, well, it didn't take much to 'lose'! (That was the extent of her analysis – the other person 'won' over me.) I mention this because it does happen, it's natural to be bewildered, but I also think most of us would find something about it pretty unstable, you know?

Who knows, maybe those two will be together 20 years from now, laughing about the crazy way in which they got together, and same for your ex. It's not impossible, I guess.

Yeah, best to leave when it gets toxic and not wait around while he cheats hoping for change.

Then came a toxic 2016 & came whatsapp special lady friend in April

I mention this because it does happen, it's natural to be bewildered, but I also think most of us would find something about it pretty unstable, you know?

Of course. It's sad and scary. It's like, in the 4-5 years I THOUGHT I knew him .. as a friend then boyfriend I didn't .. until now.

He's unstable as is. Low self-esteem, babbles too much when he's drunk. The cheating was what broke the camels back. Sigh.......

I just wish that he hadn't cheated. That's a dead end deal breaker. I can't even look at him as a friend in the future, down the road.

I hope to see him face to face SOMEDAY. But a different me. A new, stronger, I don't love you anymore ME.

What makes me sad everyday. I lost my bestfriend. How does he not feel that loss?

Thank you for your story, empath.

Do you think he was more of a crutch than a real friend to you?

He was a real friend, yes. No doubt about it. When I started a new job, and it was too hard because my boss was such a !@#$%. He was there pushing me, to stick it out. Learn. I'll never forget that. If it weren't for him, I was going to quit!!

I always say this..

I never understood the term, "I married my best friend." .. I've only ever had 2 serious exes before him and they were just "boyfriends."

With this ahole, I finally got to understand that term. He was my best friend and I thought I was going to marry him some day. He was everything to me and it makes me so sad that he had NO heart to do this to me.