New baby and financial issues

Hi

Me and my gf have been together for about 3 years and we recently had a baby boy who is 6 months old. Prior to the baby we really never had any issues. We never officially lived together until the baby was born but she pretty much stayed at my place everyday. Once the baby was born we moved into a new larger place. The bills on the place are a bit more than we expected so am I having to stretch my money a bit more and even to the point I am looking for a second job to have more spending money as I am normally accustomed to. My gf had a minor job prior to the baby that allowed her to purchase things for herself I.e. nails done etc. currently she is not working and I am paying for those things. As a result of this I believe she is getting very frustrated at not being able to take care of things on her own. I currently haven't found a second job that will meet my schedule yet so I don't have allot of extra money right now outside of the bills I.e. Cell phones lights rent insurance food etc. recently she has been saying maybe she should go home to her mom until things get better but at same time she says maybe she should go home and maybe we should be single because if she is not living with me she thinks I will find someone else which I assure her that is not the case..her mom lives maybe 30minutes from our current home. She often says that I deserve someone better and someone who can help me financially...which I tell her one day the tables will flip maybe as she is currently finishing up her degree and I already finished. I told her I don't know why if she moves with her mom why we need to break up when it is a temporary situation until finances are a bit better. Is there another underlying reason ?

Thanks for your feedback in advance

You you two sit down together and go over a budget? Can her family help with extra expenses? How old is she? Would she feel more financially and emotionally supported at her mother's house?

3 years and we recently had a baby boy who is 6 months old. currently she is not working and I am paying for those things. she has been saying maybe she should go home to her mom until things get better but at same time she says maybe she should go home and maybe we should be single because

@wiseman2 yes we have but budget right now is pretty tight. She is 25. I guess she will feel more comfortable being around her mother maybe in this situation...that's what she is saying.

Did you look into any of the options suggested in your first post about this problem? I thought you had some decent suggestions there.

She sounds overwhelmed with the new bay and so do you. Maybe staying at her mother's a few months for for financial, practical and emotional support may help. Was the child unplanned? It sounds like neither of you were prepared for this and have difficulty adjusting.

She is 25. I guess she will feel more comfortable being around her mother maybe in this situation...that's what she is saying.

@wiseman2 yes it was unplanned. Ok thanks for your input.

@shessofly yes been working on those and they are helping a bit. I think main thing will be getting a second job for about 6 months would alleviate allot of issues. But at same point it seems as if one issue is solved other issues become important. For instance I removed internet for a time and instead we use hotspot at home but she says it unconveniant and can sometimes drop...although I haven't noticed such issues when I use it. We both enjoy working out so I added her to my current gym membership but she says if she can't eat the exact way she has in past I.e. Lots of small meals throughout day then it is no point. So it seems for all options I try it is never enough. I assume this is all frustration as she expected this transition to be allot smoother. At the same time I don't want to kill myself attempting to appease someone who in the end will not be happy or positive. Your thoughts ?

Maybe she can have her mom or your mom baby sit while she works a full or part-time job?

You have to tighten the belt with a baby. Who has time for nails? This mom doesn't. She sounds like she needs to go up and learn to sacrifice more to be honest. Not sure why either of you thought have a kid would be easy. Even if you have money, IT's NOT. Nothing is ever the same.

How about she gets a part time job and you babysit while she's at work?

How about she gets a part time job and you babysit while she's at work?

Exactly - if she can't live without luxuries, then she should work. You need quality time with the baby too!!!!!! Even if the baby is breastfed, she can pump one session during a break, but by six months, the baby should be getting some solids along with breastmilk / formula.

Move into a place you can afford, even if the baby bassinet/playpen is in the living room and its a one bedroom. That arrangement will be fine until the baby is older. When the baby is old enough to be out of a crib, you find a bigger place. You either cut expenses or find a way to make more money. Sending her to live with her mother is not an answer unless you want to pay child support and have a custody arrangement. So its a pay now or later thing.

She's dead weight already. Did she ever take care of herself or has mom and you been helping covering her living expenses so she can have a 'minor job' and spend it on nails and luxuries?!

I'd clamp down so hard or else you'll be paying for child support while she lives off others and has your baby away from you. She's a spoiled brat who is threatening to take your kid away from you because she wants you to give her nicer things. Totally gross and unacceptable.

I'd move into a smaller apartment. Tell her she needs to get a job and pay her share of bills and rent and food and baby expenses, if she wants to continue living with you. Meanwhile, start organizing to be available to care for your child and have others who can help you as back up - your own mom, sisters, aunts, cousins, whoever could pitch in. Maybe going on paternal leave would make sense for you, as you are the one who has had a real job and income. Or maybe you just work regular and make things stretch.

Maybe she'll step up and be a grown up and mother. Maybe not. If not, you can always go after her for child support.

Thanks for your feedback

It costs almost $9k to raise an infant a year. And that money increases as the child grows. Your girlfriend cannot afford to be a stay home mother and she is going to have to give up certain luxuries to raise a baby.

Please follow itsallgramds advice. She needs to step up.