I'm pretty sure I know what to do (transfer offer to dream city)

So I applied for and was offered a transfer (lateral transfer, same position) to a location that is literally 1,000 miles away.

So here's the problem: They want me to start in 11 days. I'd have to work until two days before, and since I work overnight I wouldn't be off work until 6 am technically the day before they want me to start. So that means I would have to load a moving truck, drive it 1,000 miles, somehow find somewhere to live (or, an option would be to rent a place sight unseen in advance), unload the moving truck and then start work at 7:00 AM the next day. According to Google maps, the drive would take 15 hours, and that is in a regular car not a moving van. So I'd really have to leave immediately after I get off work and even then it would be very late Sunday night when I arrive. Of course, I could take a couple of days off for the move but I would not be paid for those days and money is tight since my old car had issues and I had to buy a new (used) car. Also, the location has not said they will help with moving expenses (they do offer this option in some instances, but it is usually specified in the offer letter and it is not mentioned), which means I'd have to shell out my own money for moving van and help loading and unloading. I can't drive my car and the moving truck at the same time, so a friend would come with me but I'd have to fly her back home (more $$). Then the down payment on an apartment and gas for the moving truck. I could hire movers but that also costs $$. That means I would have to borrow money for the moving expenses and down payment. Also, I would be getting paid less since I will be working days which means I am no longer eligible for the extra pay for working overnight. The cost of living is higher there and taxes are higher too. So, I'd be making less but having to pay more to live there. I did the math and I would be upside down every month unless I get to work a whole lot of overtime. And I would be hours away from my kids and the rest of my family. I'd miss Thanksgiving and Christmas with my kids and family. I missed them last year and I was very much looking forward to attending this year. Christmas is a big deal with my family, we all get together and have a wonderful time, but with this move I would be unable to afford to go.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right? I have to decline.

Except...it has been my dream since I was a little girl to live in this city. I love it. It's beautiful, there are so many outdoor activities, the area is lovely and it's just so peaceful. The job offers so many opportunities for advancement that my current location cannot and does not offer. I'm unhappy in my current location (bad management and zero opportunities to move up), and things are going to get worse based on the latest staff meeting. I am frustrated, stressed and unhappy. I do like where I live right now, I have friends and there are lots of things to do, it's easy for me to visit family back home (an easy 4 hour drive) and the cost of living is very low so I can afford to do activities and attend events, and even save a few dollars every month. BUT...staying here means I would have to give up my dream city and job, at least unless and until another spot opens up and I have saved enough to afford to move sometime in the future.

So, I've pretty much resigned myself to not being able to accept the offer. I'm sad...I really, really want to go, but the practical side of me says no way.

What would you all do? Follow the dream and very possibly be financially insecure and miss out on time with my family, or stay put and continue where I am now?

Bolt!

"Except...it has been my dream since I was a little girl to live in this city. I love it. It's beautiful, there are so many outdoor activities, the area is lovely and it's just so peaceful. The job offers so many opportunities for advancement that my current location cannot and does not offer. I'm unhappy in my current location "

I can't tell you what to do, Bolt. I'd go, but that's just me.

Why will they not pay your moving costs? Surely you are entitled if asked to move? And equally why does the company not give you time off to deal with moving?

That aside, none of us can tell the future. Remember that.

" I am frustrated, stressed and unhappy."

We've only got this one life, Bolt.

They do not offer help with moving expenses with lateral transfers. They did not ask me to move, I applied and was offered the position. And I am waiting to hear from them regarding time off to move. It would, however, be unpaid time.

Also, I forgot to mention that I just renewed my lease on my apartment. The laws here require me to continue to pay rent for the length of time it takes the complex to clean, advertise and find a new tenant. So most likely 3 months or so, which is close to $2500.

How would you deal with being $225 per month upside down on expenses in the new location? I have shaved down to the bare minimum and cannot cut any more. What would be your solution? A second job? I feel like a second job would negate the ability to enjoy the city...I'd be working all the time and would not be able to do much of anything.

Can you not come up with any kind of compromise? It's highly unrealistic that they expect you to be able to start a new job, 1,000 miles away when you've only finished your previous post two days before.....

Aside from that, what's stopping you? I'm guessing your kids are grown up? Do they have the means to travel or come and visit for holidays? What do they think about you going?

I'm a firm believer that life is short and you have to do things before its too late. That said, it would be ideal also if you have the blessings of your family.

Hope it works out for you X

I see, Bolt. I don't know what the solution would be. Not sure what country you are in, so things are different. Yet, you may feel more frustrated, stressed and unhappy if you stay and don't take the job.

As you yourself say in your signature:

"If you change nothing, nothing changes."

Would it be possible to sub-let the apartment you have now? Would the company you are going to in the new city be able to assist with finding you reasonable accommodation. Sometimes HR departments can help. Would you be prepared to share accommodation in the new city?

and as regards removals, is there such a thing as groupage where you are? That is, you'd share the removal truck with others....

Christmas comes but once a year... but it comes every year.

If you moved you'd be down financially, but that would not be forever.

I wouldn't be able to sub-let. It's a big complex with a management company in place and they don't allow sub-letting. (I am in the US, BTW).

I think my company may be able to help me find accommodations and yes, I would be willing to share an apartment. I have done so before, it's not my preference, but I can do it.

It's just the time frame, the having to come up with not only about $2000 to move but the $2500 to break my lease, and being concerned if I can't find a roomie right away that I will be short every month on expenses...not to mention having to miss out on seeing my family who I am very close to.

My kids are adults and could come visit for the holidays, but that would mean they would have to miss out on the big family gathering which they love. Also, I forgot to mention this new location would require me to work on the holidays and my current location does not.

I get that following your dream is important, but I am old enough to know that you can postpone your dream...not doing it now doesn't mean it will never happen. I do have a "Plan B" that I have already started implementing. It means I would be in my dream location in two years rather than immediately. I could do that.

I just worry that I will regret not taking this opportunity, but I don't want to do it now, get myself into a financial bind, and regret not just being patient and waiting a couple of years.

Thanks for your input, it is much appreciated.

One more thing I forgot to mention...I would be in a "freeze" on my pay since the location I am at currently pays more than the one I would be moving to. So, that means I would receive no raises for about 18 months. And where I live currently has no state income tax; the one I'd be moving to does, and it reduces my paycheck by about $230 per month. Doesn't sound like a lot, but when you're on your own it does make a difference.

Oh, and I see my family way more than once a year. Currently I am able to see them about 8-10 times per year. The move would reduce that to probably twice a year. And that is very important to me.

I am talking myself out of taking it. I just can't see digging myself into another financial hole when I just got out of one a few months ago.

Can you get a second part time job to help with expenses? Or even get a modest Line of credit? Or ask family for a small loan to tide you over?

There HAS to be a way. It will be hard, but so worth it. I think you should do it!!

Sounds to me like you're talking yourself out of it too! Dreams can be realised all in good time.... I/we have plans to move away too but have to wait at least three years due to family commitments.... I get it and I KNOW it's frustrating. Especially when I see these lovely places we could run to tomorrow X

When I'm already upside down with my expenses I don't think adding a loan payment would be financially smart. And since my credit is not excellent (due to an ill-planned move a few years ago when I was in a similar situation), I doubt anyone would lend me money. Or if they did it would be at an exorbitant interest rate. And if I got a second job, that would mean I would have no time to enjoy the city that I love. I already have to work about 50 hours per week, so adding another job would eat up my free time.

I just can't be that financially irresponsible. It has taken me two years to get my credit to a slightly reasonable level and I really don't want to go backward.

Why is waiting two years for my "Plan B" a bad idea? I am old enough to know that two years is not an eternity, so I can't see it as a huge issue.

Well, Bolt, you and only you can decide. Good luck anyhow!

I know, and I do appreciate all of your time.

I had already pretty much made up my mind, but it's always good to get other perspectives.

There are too many "ifs" and uncertainties, the largest ones being finances and not being able to see my family.

In two years I should be set and ready to go. So I can put up with my work frustrations for the time being, while I save up money for my escape plan!

I should add, aside from work everything else is great. I do like my current city, I can see my family pretty much whenever I want, and it's cheap to live here. I have great friends and lots of activities. It's just that the other city is so wonderful...but hopefully the two years will go by quickly and I'll be posting that I have moved and love it!

Thank you all again.

So...since everyone seems to think I should at least try to follow my dream I have decided to ask again if they would consider giving me $ for moving expenses. It's not part of the offer (and never was included in the position description), but it doesn't hurt to ask. I'm also going to look into renting a room in someone's house to save $ on rent. It means I would probably have to give my precious kitty to one of my kids, but she is just as attached to them as she is to me. She's moved 7 times already and she hates being in the car, so I think a 1,000 mile drive would be too much for my little elderly kitty.

So, I'll ask and hopefully have some answers soon.

Thanks all for your input, we'll see how it goes!

I would wait the 2 years and do it the right way. Be financially responsible. If you aren't then you're just replacing your job stress with money stress. It's not a smart move. The city will still be there in 2 years. I think declining and trying again when you're more financially stable is a way smarter decision. Don't make a huge financial commitment on impulse.

If it was me I would not go. I understand about wanting to be in a particular city but financially you are going to find it very hard. Maybe you can work towards moving to that city when your lease ends and in the meantime save money for moving expenses. I believe you can have what you want but you may need to wait a little longer for it.

The city isn't going anywhere, it will still be there when you can afford to plan a move.

I wouldn't trust any employer who would position me so badly, much less throw my whole life into chaos for them.

I'd consider this to be a dangling carrot for my future goals, not a 'once' in a lifetime opportunity. No reasonable employer would sandwich you like this and offer zero assistance with no benefit to you beyond you own fantasies about another location.

Use vacation time to visit the new city and collect information. You can lay down plans at your own pace to get yourself there in a reasonable and responsible way. It will still be there later, and you'll thank yourself.

So, I am not going.

The answer was "no" to moving expenses help. And not much leeway with the start date. So, I declined.

I will stick with my plan B (which was really plan A lol). I will be in a much better financial position and won't be starting out broke and stressed.

Thanks again everyone!

Wishing you all the luck in the world. You have something to work towards and look forward to! Your dream is still out there and in the grand scheme of things, two years isn't that long X

I agree, two years will fly by. And I'm excited about the prospect instead of nervous and anxious. And I won't be living each month hoping and praying I get enough overtime to cover my basic expenses. I will be able to actually live.

I've also heard there are going to be some changes in management at my current location, plus there will be a spot opening up that could be a potential opportunity for me to advance. So, things are looking up. Plus, the Dodgers won!

I had this happen to me a few years ago. I applied to a job at my company in Miami which is roughly 1400 miles away from my home town. It was only a 1 year move until I would move back and I knew going in that it would set me back a few dollars. The experience gained was a lot better than the loss in revenue. I learned so much from moving. I was this 24 year old who had never lived away from home. Being away really taught me to be self reliant because I had no family to fall back on. I grew as a person, I met new people, I got into trouble(nothing too bad). I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. Now I am 28 and I have a great job which I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't took a chance and moved. I would encourage anyone to get out and live in different cities even if its for a short period of time. I think it'll be worth it for you in the end.