I Slept With Someone Else During A Breakup

My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year. It was already a bumpy relationship with us being college freshman but being in love with each other at the same time. A couple months ago he decided he need to focus on himself and we were broken up for a month and a half. During this time I was extremely upset, he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. He wouldn't talk to me, he wasn't mean about it, but I couldn't help think there was something wrong with me.

 

I made the stupid decision one night of getting drunk and hooking up with someone during the breakup. It didn't last very long because I was extremely upset and began to cry and feel guilt and realized that I didn't love this guy.

 

Fast forward a month later, my boyfriend wanted me back. I decided that I wouldn't mention what happen that one night because it was irrelevant as I was checked for STD's and it meant nothing and only made me love my ex more. My ex and I began to date again, but one night he asked me if I had hooked up with anyone. I didn't want to lie, so I said yes. He won't talk to me, he says I don't need to be sorry because I did nothing wrong, but he can't be with me anymore. It has only been three days since he figured out, but I feel like this is the end and he won't be able to get over this.

 

Do you think he can get over this in time if he loves me enough? Do I leave him alone or do I show him I love him more? Everytime I text him he tells me he will talk to me later and that's he is busy right now. I love him enough to work through this even if it takes months for him to gain my trust back. I just need some advice if anyone has experienced this before.

He's right that you did nothing wrong. He dumped you and you were well within your rights to give each of the Dallas Cowboys a go if you really wanted to.

 

He asked a question he didn't want the answer to. Although in this case it would have been best to not have gotten back together at all, I'll give him a little bit of credit for not dragging things out even further and making sure you knew you weren't to blame. Given that you two had broken up once before, I'd take this one as the end of the line.

 

He dug his own hole. There are plenty of other good guys out there for you.

"A couple months ago he decided he need to focus on himself and we were broken up for a month and a half. During this time I was extremely upset, he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. He wouldn't talk to me, he wasn't mean about it"

 

 

 

To me that is a bunch of bs....he can do as he pleases but you cant? Let him go. He broke up with you. You did nothing wrong.

I just can't help but feel like this is my fault and that I feel so ashamed because of it.

No don't 'love him more' he's jerking you around and finds one reason after the next to break up with you. In fact he dumps you then blames you for moving on. There will be one hoop to jump through after the next.

 

You have a headache on your hands not a bf. Use this excellent opportunity to dump him for good and date someone who doesn't 'need space'.

It was already a bumpy relationship.he decided he need to focus on himself. but he can't be with me anymore. do I show him I love him more?

I just can't help but feel like this is my fault and that I feel so ashamed because of it.

Please. Suggesting the Olive Garden to a friend who asks for an Italian restaurant recommendation is something to be ashamed of. But getting laid after a breakup is like one of my favorite hobbies. Trust me, you're fine.

See the Ross and Rachel "we were on break" episode from Friends for answers to your questions

See the Ross and Rachel "we were on break" episode from Friends for answers to your questions

 

HAHA! one of my favorite episodes!

The more you try to correct things with him, the more control you give him over you. Leave him alone for now and if he is really into you, he'll reach out soon enough. Once he thinks he may have lost you, he'll show his true interest by either communicating with you, or going dark. But be careful. He sounds a bit manipulative and will continue to be so if he reaches out again and you easily come running back to him.

 

You're young. Mostly I suggest you move on for now and find someone new.

You didn't do anything wrong and I commend you for your honesty.

 

You should be with someone who wants to be with you, without any reservations.

 

If someone truly loved their SO, they wouldn't break up with them for a month, then magically decide they wanted to be with them. Check out my quote on love. I really believe this.

 

This will all get better. Good luck.

Like, this is a difficult one. When I was 16 I had the same problem with my ex gf - we lost our v to each other, and I split up with her multiple times (I was a and fully admit it. I'd give anything to make amends now but I don't think she'd ever want to.) Anyway, one of these times I fully thought it was the end. She slept with another guy and a month later, guess who was begging for her back! I'd slept with other people during that time too, but this drove me insane and I couldn't deal, because I felt a weird ownership over her at this young age. Anywho, we did get back, but I had to know every sordid detail, and I made her feel so bad for doing nothing wrong. She should have left me on the spot, but thankfully she didn't. We broke up again about a year later, and during this time she had a f*ckbuddy. We were apart for 6 months or so, and again I won her back. We discussed it, and she told me about it all, and I asked for every sordid detail. It took me ages to get over it, and in my head I knew she'd done nothing wrong, but I still made her feel horrendous and really, really regret that. In time, I got over it, but it caused us both a lot of heartache which was unnecessary. On top of that, I used it to justify my own infidelities, which was just SO wrong! I'd say that, if this guy comes crawling back, please don't take him back. He sounds a lot better than I was, but I broke up with my ex continuously because I believed something better was out there. Eventually, I broke up with her for good when I realised I loved someone else more, which was a much more mature decision at the time, but that girl ended up being a to me (karma's a BIIIITTTCCCHH!) You sound like a really nice girl, and it's clear that you do really love this bloke, but I'm sorry to say I really think this is a timing issue. I wasn't ready for the woman who I'm now quite certain was the one I'd love the most if we met now, and it sounds like this is the case with you guys. Tell him you agree that you shouldn't be together (even if you don't) and that you'd like to see what the future holds. If he really does want you back and you feel yourself caving, tell him that he can't have an issue with it, and if he does that it can't be to you that he cries about it to, because it won't do either of you any good, and it will just create insecurities and deflate egos.

 

 

Starting again isn't always bad, but if you do you have to treat it just like that; a new relationship with someone you know very well. I learned that the hard way, and more to the point, so did my wonderful ex girlfriend, who really didn't deserve to. Don't be her and unconditionally love a me, because, at that young age, it'll break your heart.

I commend you for your honesty. Honestly, I think he's pull of bs. He dumps you and doesn't want to he with you, you slept with someone else, and he can't take that? He was probably hooking up during the month or so he was single!

You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about, as he told you himself. You were broken up, you didn't know you were going to get back together, so you lived your life as a single person. Nothing wrong with that. If he wanted just a break, he should have made it known to you and you two should have established some rules, one of them being no sleeping with others. But this wasn't a break, it was a breakup initiated by him.

I can't fault him though either, because he did say you did nothing wrong. It's just that as it turns out, he can't handle the thought of you with someone else. Some people can get over this, some can't. Some pretend they can but they keep holding it over their partner's head and bring it up again and again until they poison the relationship. This guy was honest and said he was unable to deal, and that's fair. You can't help change his mind because this is an internal process for him, he is the one who needs to decide if he is able to overcome the mental image of you with someone else or not. Give him time to mull over things and come to a conclusion, but don't put your life on hold. He needs to understand that "it's over" really means it's over, and when he breaks up with people he runs the risk of losing them permanently.

YOU haven't done a single thing wrong. What were you supposed to do, sit by the window and cry while he made up his mind?

 

Nope, when you two are on break it means just that. And either one of you can see other people and if he doesn't like then he shouldn't have been the one to insist on a break. Punishing you for it is totally irrational and I'm sorry, but it won't get any better. Stop apologizing, tell him he's the one who pushed for a break, this is what he got. And then tell him he's free to sleep with whoever he likes, take your power and self-esteem back and walk out the door.

 

Just because someone thinks they should have exclusive rights to put you on a shelf while they go out to play does not mean you have to agree to it. In fact, you shouldn't, because it's called a double standard and people who have those have problems. I don't care what anyone says, there's a screw loose somewhere.

 

Do you really think it's worth it to be made to feel wrong for what he himself asked for? It wasn't a competition to see who got laid faster nor was it a "only one of us gets to enjoy ourselves during this little break," so why are you letting him now make you feel crappy for it.