Overcoming commitment issues

How does one "know" if the person you are with is the one? I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years total, but only the last 1.5 years have been in the same place. I care about her and we get along well, although I would describe our relationship more as a great friendship. I have been reluctant to propose to her because of 1) location, we currently live in the US although I'd like to move to Europe where my family lives eventually (she's ok with that in 2-3 years); 2) her family is from Pakistan and she doesn't want to tell them about me before we get engaged (she is not religious but her family is muslim.

Except for the two issues above which give me a pause, I think we can have good life together. She loves me a lot and I love her too although I have grown a bit ambivalent recently. But I have been unable to take the next step to marriage and have actually proposed to let her go, which has been very painful for the both of us although perhaps necessary.

I would like to get married for sure, and she as well. I am just not sure if she is the one (due to the issues above).

How does one know? Shall I just go ahead and hope for the best? If two people are compatible on the personality, values and interests level, is it good enough? Is this the case of "if you have to ask, it is no"? Of course, another option is to wait longer but I feel that we have already waited long enough.

This is a related question to another thread:

There is no such thing as 'the one'.

Makes sense, I didn't mean to suggest there is only one women that I could be happy with. I am just looking for a way to know if I can stop looking. Obviously my heart is unsettled right now, but perhaps there is a way to accept my girlfriend as a wife regardless.

To be honest you should have known by now. 7 years is a long time to feel unsettled. I don't know exactly how to tell you how you know because that is different for different people. I can tell you though if you are having indifference when it comes to your emotions you don't want to lead her on for another 7 years!

Lisa

There is not this much doubt and ambivalence.

How does one know?

My feelings? You NEVER just KNOW. You think you do...then find out you don't!!!

Usually you have those feelings after the infatuation wears off....and you think you don't feel those 'in love' feelings anymore.

what you have to realized....love isn't about 'butterflies' and feelings of 'being in love'....

How would you feel if you 'lost' her.

I read one time...a guy said...don't marry the first person you can live with....

Marry the first person you can't live without.

Makes sense, I didn't mean to suggest there is only one women that I could be happy with. I am just looking for a way to know if I can stop looking. Obviously my heart is unsettled right now, but perhaps there is a way to accept my girlfriend as a wife regardless.

Why are you looking while you are in a relationship? It seems like you haven't really taken the relationship seriously if you need/needed 7 years to decide.

Sorry, I didn't mean that I am looking while in a relationship. For various reasons, it has taken a long time for us to live in the same place (only last year). So I am reflecting on the last now, and for various reasons it didn't go that well for me

It depends if you normally are a decisive type of person who makes relatively quick decisions and moves forward. If you are that type of person, then clearly there is a problem with this relationship.

However, based on your writing and also that you are open to marriage but haven't married her in 7 years, I have a feeling you generally may procrastinate or overanalyze most things in your life involving some sort of commitment. For example, whether you were in a relationship or not, you would still be talking about "eventually" moving to Europe for many years with some sort of reason to use to prevent it.

The interesting part is that she is right there with you - open to marriage, but it doesn't sound like she is charging forward either. Either you are two of a kind, or you both share the same doubts yet are too scared to completely let go. It may be time to start having a real discussion with her about it before the years keeping adding up to nothing.