My friend says I should be concerned about being a virgin at 27.

Now before I begin, I am not actively looking for a relationship or sex; I am busy with getting my undergraduate degree and saving up enough money to go travelling for a year.

Me and a close friend of 16 years meet up a few times a year for a pint of beer and a catch up and he always asks me about my private life and it's always the same old story, nothing changes. I have been single for eight years, I am a virgin and given the amount of hardships I overcame in my teenage/early twenties, I am actually proud of where I am in life. So relationships, sex and settling down have never been a priority for me, because I've had so much other stuff to deal with. He thinks I have been making excuses and that the older I have become, the harder it is for me to establish a meaningful relationship with a woman because I am very inexperienced, I accepted his point and then told him what I always tell him and if I am ever to have a relationship and sex, it will have to be with a woman who I love and who understands where I am coming from. He suggests that I lie or don't say anything at all but that's not me, I'd rather a woman rejected me for being inexperienced and a virgin than to try and deceive her and pull the wool over her eyes because most women aren't stupid, they'll put the pieces of the puzzle together and then that creates more problems because if I lie about my past then what else will I lie about? The web starts to spin.

I'd like to get some perspectives on what people think about this. I'm not concerned because I have had offers of sex before, I have been dates and I know what I want (a loving relationship with a woman that accepts me and respects me) and while I am not actively pursuing anything, I am not closed off to meeting someone despite family and friends ramming marriage, 2.5 children and white picket fences down my throat and even strangers on the rare occasion.

I was a virgin until 24. It's not a big deal. Live your life.

Your friend is wrong. Plus your sexuality is none of his business.

Live your life on your own terms, not someone else's. The right woman wouldn't care about your virginity status.

And don't lie to a person you date. Terrible advice there.

As another 27 year old virgin with little relationship experience, I can tell you that you really are not alone (no pun intended) in your situation. The advice you'll get here might be a bit on the safe side of political correctness but the underlying message is that you shouldn't let it bother you. Like you, I'm not actively searching for anything and the idea of casual sex is completely alien to me. At least I no longer have to explain to my family "why don't I have a girlfriend already". My close friends take a jab at it from time to time (and they only know half the truth, that I've been single for a long time) but not in a mean way.

It's not a good idea to start any relationship (business, professional or otherwise) with a lie but to save yourself from unnecessary drama and rejection, I'd consider not telling her until things become serious - at least that was my plan, until I decided to give up dating in the near future.

Now before I begin, I am not actively looking for a relationship or sex; I am busy with getting my undergraduate degree and saving up enough money to go travelling for a year.

 

Me and a close friend of 16 years meet up a few times a year for a pint of beer and a catch up and he always asks me about my private life and it's always the same old story, nothing changes. I have been single for eight years, I am a virgin and given the amount of hardships I overcame in my teenage/early twenties, I am actually proud of where I am in life. So relationships, sex and settling down have never been a priority for me, because I've had so much other stuff to deal with. He thinks I have been making excuses and that the older I have become, the harder it is for me to establish a meaningful relationship with a woman because I am very inexperienced, I accepted his point and then told him what I always tell him and if I am ever to have a relationship and sex, it will have to be with a woman who I love and who understands where I am coming from. He suggests that I lie or don't say anything at all but that's not me, I'd rather a woman rejected me for being inexperienced and a virgin than to try and deceive her and pull the wool over her eyes because most women aren't stupid, they'll put the pieces of the puzzle together and then that creates more problems because if I lie about my past then what else will I lie about? The web starts to spin.

 

I'd like to get some perspectives on what people think about this. I'm not concerned because I have had offers of sex before, I have been dates and I know what I want (a loving relationship with a woman that accepts me and respects me) and while I am not actively pursuing anything, I am not closed off to meeting someone despite family and friends ramming marriage, 2.5 children and white picket fences down my throat and even strangers on the rare occasion.

Your friend sounds like an idiot!

Follow your own instincts, they sound on track.

Honestly? I actually envy you right now! I wish i focused more on myself when i was younger and less on relationships! Don't get me wrong , they are lovely and sex is too, but it complicates things.

This is all that matters.

I'm not concerned because I have had offers of sex before, I have been dates and I know what I want

Others will always hold you to their own standards and ideas, and I'm sorry but that's just life.

You can either be a puppet and live your life according to what others think or you can adopt the attitude, "It ain't no big thing," and go about your business. When your friends bring the topic up go for the jugular and ask them inflammatory questions about their favorite political candidate. Trust me, your being a virgin will be forgotten in 3-2-1... Sit back and watch the chaos as they pick sides over what political candidate did or said what and who should win.

And in the meantime lose your virginity in your own time of your own free will.

As long as you are happy with you choices, they are working for you and you are not hurting anyone it's no ones business what you do or don't do with your body.

Whether or not you've had sex is a pretty poor bar to measure anything by really.

What your friend is hinting at but without really coming out and saying is the concept of Social Proof. Women tend to be influenced by what other women do. Frankly, it's the basis of the entire fashion industry.

The worry is that when a woman finds out you've never had sex at 27, 30 whatever years old, a little part of her brain starts wondering why no other women wanted to sleep with you. Lots of women will care (on some level), the right one won't. The key is to frame it as a product of your choices. You're looking for the right girl, not just any girl and this is just a byproduct of that.

Personally I think the world would be a better place if more people waited for the right person.

^

Personally I think the world would be a better place if more people waited for the right person.

I agree 100%. Unfortunately, "dating" in the true sense of the word is becoming a thing of the past, (imo).

I was a virgin until 24. It's not a big deal. Live your life.

I concur, but not everyone sees it that way! I am unmoved by the scrutiny that my friend and some members of my family have placed on this aspect of my life, but all I can do is smile and roll my eyes, however I won't lie I was intrigued and wanted to get an outsider's perspective.

Plus your sexuality is none of his business.

 

And don't lie to a person you date. Terrible advice there.

From my experience friends and family members seem to think they have divine right to cast stones in regards to my decisions - I leave them to their own devices but unfortunately they do not pay me in kind and yes lying is terrible, I have no reason to lie because I am not ashamed of who I am or what I am. I'm open and I am honest about myself, I have no reason to hide anything.

Honestly? I actually envy you right now! I wish i focused more on myself when i was younger and less on relationships! Don't get me wrong , they are lovely and sex is too, but it complicates things.

Well I suppose the good thing for you is you can focus on yourself now and you have the experience to know what you want and seek in a partner, so in many ways, you've just gone about things in the opposite manner to me and that's great, it'd be boring if we were all the same. Good luck to you.

Others will always hold you to their own standards and ideas, and I'm sorry but that's just life.

 

You can either be a puppet and live your life according to what others think or you can adopt the attitude, "It ain't no big thing," and go about your business. When your friends bring the topic up go for the jugular and ask them inflammatory questions about their favorite political candidate. Trust me, your being a virgin will be forgotten in 3-2-1... Sit back and watch the chaos as they pick sides over what political candidate did or said what and who should win.

 

And in the meantime lose your virginity in your own time of your own free will.

Oh people can judge me, ridicule me or wonder, that's their right to do so, I am not really phased by it at all, some people know have passed comments that they think I am a gay man hiding his sexuality because they never see me with a woman and that's fine, they are entitled to think what they want. I am just focused on getting a career for myself, so I can progress up the career ladder and get enough money together to go travelling, anything else is a non-entity at this moment in time.

Whether or not you've had sex is a pretty poor bar to measure anything by really.

 

What your friend is hinting at but without really coming out and saying is the concept of Social Proof. Women tend to be influenced by what other women do. Frankly, it's the basis of the entire fashion industry.

 

The worry is that when a woman finds out you've never had sex at 27, 30 whatever years old, a little part of her brain starts wondering why no other women wanted to sleep with you. Lots of women will care (on some level), the right one won't. The key is to frame it as a product of your choices. You're looking for the right girl, not just any girl and this is just a byproduct of that.

 

Personally I think the world would be a better place if more people waited for the right person.

That's understandable, I guess it is pretty odd to find a man that is nearly thirty that hasn't had sex and has had one relationship nearly a decade ago. I'm more than happy to explain the circumstances to any woman if it's a deal breaker to her then I'll understand and I'll wish her all the best. I'm not ashamed of it and I'm thick skinned, I have experienced rejection and while it's not pleasant, I've got over it, so no issues.

I'd consider not telling her until things become serious - at least that was my plan, until I decided to give up dating in the near future.

I'm quite guarded and it takes me a while to lower my guard around people, so I am not someone who will reveal things about myself to just anyone, I have to build a friendship with someone or a comfort level with a woman before I start revealing my past. I need to assess whether or not I can trust the person and that goes for any woman that enters my life. So, I agree with your train of thought.

There's nothing wrong with it and no reason to be concerned at all. If a woman bases her opinion on you on the fact you're a virgin, and it lowers her view of you, then she's probably not worth your time anyway. And definitely don't lie to people about it - that just means you're being dishonest with each other from the start.

You need/want sex when you need/want sex. That's all there is to it. It has nothing to do with anyone else but your partner. If you don't have a partner and don't see the need for one don't force the issue on yourself, especially on the say so of someone else.

Your life is your life, do what makes YOU happy. If work, hobbies, or any other passion is more important to you than establishing a sexual relationship then prioritize those things. You life belongs to you, and you choose what you make of it.

The way to explain to your friend is to ask him or her whether you should still make an effort to lose your virginity if it makes you unhappy? There are all sort of people in this world that are wired all sorts of different ways. If there are people that can't go thirty seconds with thinking about sex, certainly there are people who aren't interested in it all.

I'm single in my early thirties, and haven't had sex in 5 years. It doesn't bother me one bit, or rather hadn't until recently. Now I'm making an effort but it's because I want to. My body and brains want it so I'm going for it. When people gave me that kind of talk before this I simply asked them why? Why do I need to do that? The answer invariably has something to do with not being "cool" or "missing out." I'm grown ass adult, I don't really care if I'm 'cool.' My friends in relationships are normally the ones that bring up missing out and in that case it's just them wishing i was experience that same thing they were. In that case normally politely point out that they see m to be great for each other and it really makes me happy to see them happy together. Then I relay to them that maybe someday I'll find the person that makes me feel that way, but so far it hasn't happened.

I would say it's probably ok, if you have had the opportunities and decided against it. I would assume you might be attractive if you have willing women you've had to turn down.

Now before I begin, I am not actively looking for a relationship or sex; I am busy with getting my undergraduate degree and saving up enough money to go travelling for a year.

 

Me and a close friend of 16 years meet up a few times a year for a pint of beer and a catch up and he always asks me about my private life and it's always the same old story, nothing changes. I have been single for eight years, I am a virgin and given the amount of hardships I overcame in my teenage/early twenties, I am actually proud of where I am in life. So relationships, sex and settling down have never been a priority for me, because I've had so much other stuff to deal with. He thinks I have been making excuses and that the older I have become, the harder it is for me to establish a meaningful relationship with a woman because I am very inexperienced, I accepted his point and then told him what I always tell him and if I am ever to have a relationship and sex, it will have to be with a woman who I love and who understands where I am coming from. He suggests that I lie or don't say anything at all but that's not me, I'd rather a woman rejected me for being inexperienced and a virgin than to try and deceive her and pull the wool over her eyes because most women aren't stupid, they'll put the pieces of the puzzle together and then that creates more problems because if I lie about my past then what else will I lie about? The web starts to spin.

 

I'd like to get some perspectives on what people think about this. I'm not concerned because I have had offers of sex before, I have been dates and I know what I want (a loving relationship with a woman that accepts me and respects me) and while I am not actively pursuing anything, I am not closed off to meeting someone despite family and friends ramming marriage, 2.5 children and white picket fences down my throat and even strangers on the rare occasion.

I didn't wait that long before I decided to lay down but I used to think the exact same way!

I was all about my priorities and staying on point so that I didn't end up in a position I didn't want to be in (no pun intended). People are just not very serious these days when it comes to sex and what's even scarier is the alarming rates of STDs. It's not a game but plenty of people think it is and take that gamble. You just have to be careful. You don't know where someone's body has been or who they've been laying up with or who the person that they've been seeing has been with. Too risky. Take your time.

I didn't wait that long before I decided to lay down but I used to think the exact same way!

 

I was all about my priorities and staying on point so that I didn't end up in a position I didn't want to be in (no pun intended). People are just not very serious these days when it comes to sex and what's even scarier is the alarming rates of STDs. It's not a game but plenty of people think it is and take that gamble. You just have to be careful. You don't know where someone's body has been or who they've been laying up with or who the person that they've been seeing has been with. Too risky. Take your time.

This is the worry for me aside from a pregnancy, a lot of men and women sleep around and that in itself isn't a problem because I believe in freedom of the individual, but so many people I know don't practise safe sex. If I ever get a girlfriend, I'll expect her to have every single STI check under the sun and I'll want to see proof that she is clean and likewise I'd do the same, even though I'm a virgin because well some people like about being virgins. So then we're on a level playing field.