Promiscuous, serial cheating girlfriend.

Ok, so I'm new to this internet forum advice thing, but I'm seeking advice. I'm a serial monogamous man, however I did have an affair which led to the demise of my marriage of 16yrs. This was after 3emotionless and sexless yrs, after a very loving and sexually active earlier start. I am currently involved in a relationship with someone who is just screaming 'red flag's!

My previous sexual encounter count is low, mostly through choice, 8 women and all relationships. I've purposely avoided casual sex because I believe intimacy is an earned privilege saved for those of 'meaning' I have turned down casual offers on many occasions due to this belief. I do not hold double standards, I dislike promiscuity in males and females alike.

My issue is my current partner has a history of huge promiscuity, 100+ partners even she has lost count, plus serial cheating. It's not retroactive jealously, as when she talks about previous actual relationships I don't feel yuck. But when she tells me about her casual encounters and buddies and group sex and cheating, it disgusts me eminently. I am pleading for sound advice (not trolls or feminists/masculinists). In all other areas we are sound, but her promiscuity and serial cheating bothers me a great deal. She assures me she is, has been, and will continue to be faithful to me. I'm dubious. No STD as tested recently. Constructive advice and criticism welcome.

You two are not a match. Move on.

I'm not sure what a forum could tell you to make you feel better, nobody can change her past or know whether she will cheat on you too, or not.

It all comes down to you and how you feel. If you think you can move past her previous promiscuous ways, then by all means, continue the relationship. If you think it will always gross you out and you will always hold it above her head, then end it now, there is no point wasting any more time - yours and hers.

I could try and tell you that we all have pasts, and that there are areas from our pasts that we are not too proud of, and that you of all people should understand that, since you cheated yourself (3 years or 100 years without sex doesn't warrant cheating - if you're unhappy, get a divorce first!) - but would it really help you? Doubtful, what you feel is what you feel, you are entitled to your feelings and there is no switch out there to turn them off.

The decision is strictly yours, and it depends on what you think you can or cannot handle.

There are so many women out there looking for partners...if you feel this woman is not the best for you, nothing stops you from leaving her behind and trying to meet another woman with a less colorful past.

Why is she telling you this? Tell her to stop. And if she's telling you this because you've been asking, you need to stop.

Either that or break up. You can't change her past.

Yes, thank you for your honesty. I do believe to a certain extent my concerns are hypocritical due to the fact I did cheat previously.

Confuscious advice noted. Thank you.

Yikes. There are so many fish in the sea, why waste time on someone who has been with so many partners and has a history of serial cheating? Your morals aren't even on the same wavelength with this woman. I'd run for the hills and find someone you are more compatible with.

Well people can change, so if everything else is good, why not give her a chance?

People who have previous "bad history" have been known to have monogamous relationships. You cheated. She might see this as a red flag, so it is risk for both of you.

I cheated on an ex wife when she was a girlfriend. It was a one-off. I never did it again.

You attract who you are.

Think about that for a bit.

Work on yourself, improve and change. Meanwhile, get rid of this lady, you already know she is not a long term relationship material.

What kind of a women will bang a married man? Woman that you DO NOT want!

Confuscious advice noted. Thank you.

I do think a lot of her. She is otherwise a lovely and caring, loving woman. She had a difficult (to say the least) childhood and also adult hood. I may be too judgemental. I really don't know.

It's hard enough making a relationship work without such obvious problems at the beginning. Unless this girl is the love of your life and you can't live without her, take a pass. This has disaster writ large upon it.

Screwed up people can be nice people but that doesn't mean you should have a relationship with them.

It doesnt mean she will cheat on you.

But, if it is a deal breaker for you then you should end it, it is good to have standards and 100+ is in the range of business class (even for some escorts thats a high number).

I dont judge anybody,but having standards is a good thing,and on the other hand, people dont really change.

Yes, probably true. Kids are involved too. She has a 3yr old and I have 5yr and 8yr old. They get on well.

My head is funked by this.

This is a concern of mine for sure. Past behaviour predicts future behaviours!

This is the main concern. Other than that if her past is unseemly to you, end it.

No STD as tested recently.

My head says 'yes main concern is STD!' but that is negative. My main concern I suppose is her proclivities for casual sex. Our beliefs around this are so obviously at odds

As long as you continue having sex with her use protection/get tested. If her past is a red flag for you with regard to future promiscuous behavior, stop having sex with her and move on.

My head says 'yes main concern is STD!' but that is negative. My main concern I suppose is her proclivities for casual sex. Our beliefs around this are so obviously at odds

Cheating and having remorse for doing so is not the same as cheating and bragging about it.

So, don't feel like a hypocrite.

100+ partners is a lot by anyone's standards.

Had she ever had a long term relationship?

Has she ever been faithful?

Her past is hers to deal with. And clearly she hasn't. It's not up to you to "fix" her and trust me you don't want to try, because even if you succeeded , your relationship with her is doomed. You would only be successful in preparing her for a relationship but not with you.

Move on and cut ties. This only spells doom and gloom for you.

My head says 'yes main concern is STD!' but that is negative. My main concern I suppose is her proclivities for casual sex. Our beliefs around this are so obviously at odds

"I am currently involved in a relationship with someone who is just screaming 'red flag's! "

- With this fact, you are still with her.. why?

her background & history is awful.

I do think a lot of her. She is otherwise a lovely and caring, loving woman. She had a difficult (to say the least) childhood and also adult hood. I may be too judgemental. I really don't know.

Lack of self respect maybe??

I have also had a BAD past but I do not feel the need to have so many partners & meaningless relationships.

She NEEDS to learn to respect herself & her needs.. etc. There is no need for all of this nonsense.

If anything, in the end, she'll just be MORE messed up over time.

Is this your first relationship after your divorce? How long ago was it that your divorce was finalized?

I'm not sure that you are in any position to judge her or claim any moral high ground. You are a cheater. She is a cheater. Birds of a feather....... I don't think you two are all that different and likely you get along precisely because at the core, you are both quite alike in how you respond to problems in life.

I've only counted one red flag. If she is committed to you and you don't have STDs she probably isn't cheating and probably won't. Quite a few people are promiscuous when between relationships, although maybe not the majority. I wasn't (for example).

It is what she is to you now that is more important than the past.

You have a red flag against you, too (so did I, BTW, when I met my wife).