Promiscuous, serial cheating girlfriend.

[Liraele]

My head says 'yes main concern is STD!' but that is negative. My main concern I suppose is her proclivities for casual sex. Our beliefs around this are so obviously at odds

 

I think this is the basic point that you need to consider. You have different views on the importance of intimacy, and what types of relationships are allowed that intimacy. At the very least, I'd say this warrants a conversation. At worst, you're going to get your heart broken because you appear to hold vastly different views on the sacredness of monogamy and intimacy. She could have changed her views, sown her wild oats so to speak...but you're not going to know that without a heartfelt conversation most likely.

[Clinton]

It may not be politically correct to say so but 100+ partners would be a problem for most people. I think that speaks volumes about a person.

[HeartGoesOn]

But when she tells me about her casual encounters and buddies and group sex and cheating, it disgusts me eminently.

 

As with anyone, you have a right to your opinions. However since her sexual encounters from the past "disgust" you to this extent, why are you still with her and continuing to sleep with her?

[Pombloke]

As with anyone, you have a right to your opinions. However since her sexual encounters from the past "disgust" you to this extent, why are you still with her and continuing to sleep with her?

Sometimes it's not on my mind. Plus I suppose I'm hoping my judgements towards her will change, hence the reason I'm reaching out for advice. Some days it doesn't phase me and I can sort of rationalise it when I consider her difficult upbringing. She was also married for five years and claims she was faithful during this time. However she cheated in every other relationship and from what I can gather racked up her partner count in two separate periods in a period of about 6yrs.

This isn't my first relationship after divorce. The last dissolved for completely unrelated reasons.

[agent1607307371]

because you appear to hold vastly different views on the sacredness of monogamy and intimacy.

 

I think the main issue here is that the OP starts off by noting that he is big on monogamy and his GF cheat and sleeps around, and then buries the fact that he's cheated in a post further into the thread.

 

If he doesn't want to be with her he needs to break up, but if he thinks he needs to make her out to be awful while he's a pure heart...

[Pombloke]

I think the main issue here is that the OP starts off by noting that he is big on monogamy and his GF cheat and sleeps around, and then buries the fact that he's cheated in a post further into the thread.

 

If he doesn't want to be with her he needs to break up, but if he thinks he needs to make her out to be awful while he's a pure heart...

 

On the contrary. I spoke of my affair in the opening lines of my OP. Nowhere have I buried this, nowhere have I claimed to be 'a pure heart ' The whole reason I pointed this out was to declare my imperfection and indiscretion in order that people could have a clearer view. I am not proud of my cheating, I could have dealt with things quite differently. I feel you're completely missing the point. That being my new gf has been hugely promiscuous and cheated on several partners on multiple occasions wit multiple people.

I realise my history has a red flag, hers has a field full of red flag's.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, agree with Agent that it does sound like it's more about needing to look down on someone than her history per se. Some people do get a (false) sense of superiority by claiming they scrape the bottom of the barrel.

I realise my history has a red flag, hers has a field full of red flag's.

[Pombloke]

I don't feel any need to look down on her, nor do I feel I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. If I felt that I'd be long gone, if I felt that I wouldn't be seeking advice in order to try and retrieve a potential relationship fail.

If I wanted to appear 'a pure heart' or big myself up with false superiority, isn't it likely I would have omitted to mention my own failing and concentrated only on hers.

[Pombloke]

I've looked back at the thread now and at NO POINT did I deny nor avoid my previous affair. The quote reposted by 'agent' was not mine.

 

Wiseman2 and agent need to actually look and read the posts and reposts before making ther own condescending comments. Be in control of the facts guys before making assumptions.

[agent1607307371]

Yes, I misread the first sentence. I apologise.

 

But my point about the double standard for behaviour stands. Cheating is cheating, no matter how you try to justify it.

[Liraele]

I think the main issue here is that the OP starts off by noting that he is big on monogamy and his GF cheat and sleeps around, and then buries the fact that he's cheated in a post further into the thread.

 

If he doesn't want to be with her he needs to break up, but if he thinks he needs to make her out to be awful while he's a pure heart...

 

Serial cheating is slightly different than one-time cheating. I didn't miss that he had cheated as well in the past, and weighed that as I was formulating my response. Sometimes we make bad choices. He made a bad choice once (from what I understood) - she keeps/kept repeating them. Either she doesn't care or doesn't learn, but it remains that their views on intimacy, monogamy, and sexual relationships appear to be very different.

[Pombloke]

Update :

Thank you to all commenters, all advice is valued.

I have thus far decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. We have talked extensively and she appears to understand my feelings. I also have endeavoured to understand her motivations for her past behaviours (her past is completely funked up). I hope I (not

'we' as I understand it's my issue not hers) can move on from this. But also that she ( not 'we' for same reasons) can place this behaviour in the past.

I am sincerely hoping we have a combined future with blended family and even perhaps kids of our own potentially.

Admittedly, I am still somewhat frightened, yes! Insecure very definitely, not that I won't match up or compete, but that her past behaviours will resurface. ( see any post on sociosexually unrestricted and sociosexually restricted people). I'm sure I'll keep you posted. Wish us luck!,

[thedisposable1]

I just got out of a relationship alot like this. Met a couple through a girl i had just started dating. First time meeting them they were open about their relationship and that they pretty much were married but would swap partners or sleep around with random people. They sounded like they where careful of stds and like they had rules about sex between eachother. A few days later the husband txt me and told me to go to his place his wife asked if she could give me a blowjob. My first mistake. Yes i went there and enjoyed it. Few weeks later the couple had me and the girl that introduced me to them over and me and my girl had a 3 way with his wife as he watched. Towards the end it was me and his wife while my girl had sex with him. Fast forward a year and a half. I had met the wife of the swinger couples sister and had a 8 month relationship that suddenly ended. Started a relationship with the swinger wife. At first nothing changed we both slept around. Then all 3 of us sat and talked about getting her pregnant. Well lets just make a long story short. During her pregnancy me and her were madly in love and had been 4 months after my child was born she started cheating and lieing. Caught her 4 times cheating in a month. She stopped for a time we moved to another state her husband pushed me as far out of her and my childs life as he could. Soon i had to move back home due to my dad getting deathly sick. Over the next 2 years she had slept with 30 men or more she dont remember but said she invited numerous random guys over to gangbang her more than 20 times in thise 2 years. I still gave her a chance. She then gave me herpes. To end my short experience i am now in courts fighting to get paternity and rights to my child while she sleeps with no joke no lies honest to god. 1 guy she claims as her friend and up to 6 of his buddies in weekly gangbangs as well as sleeping with 1 to 4 guys every single day of the week no breaks. My advice. Run like hell