ex addict boyfriend looking for drugs..

So I have been seeing this guy for 9 months. He told me he used to be bad into drugs, went to rehab, and would have been clean for 2 years tomorrow. I snooped on his facebook (yes it is wrong to do that) and read this conversation

1:26PM

J: Hey B can you still get bars?

B: Yes I can

J: can u get them for me tonight?

4:02PM

J: Nvm man

Should I confront him and possibly end my relationship over snooping. Should I just wait and see what happens? I care for this man and I don't want to see him relapse after all his hard work but I am so worried.

If he were doing drugs would you be with him in the first place? Is it a deal breaker for you?

Honestly I am not sure. I would want to stand by him and help him. But he told me when he used to do drugs he was really good at hiding it. I'm scared and confused. I don't care how this affects me. I am just sad that he would go down that path again.

Well....... If you love him then say something, but my mom has battled drug addiction for years and it just ticks me off how she keeps falling back into drugs. So good luck if you stay bscause it will be a challenge . 1. You can't change him, all you can do is offer peace so go to him in a non judge mental heart to heart way. On the bright side he did say never mind!

I'd ditch this deadbeat now, unless you want a life of potential drug addiction, misery, and criminal activity.

He wrote "NVM" but that may be because he scored elsewhere. Even if he didn't go through with it, this is dangerous.

You can go to Al-Anon which is for those dealing with addicts and their twisted thinking, encourage him to do the 12 Steps again and do it with him, and if he's not doing Step 12 then make sure he does. It's not a one-time process. Suggest going to meetings together.

The drugs are not the problem, something inside is. Not doing drugs awhile, even years, does not mean they're "cured". They can be what's called a "dry drunk" (look it up).

You must not risk unknowingly being a co-dependent. It's more complicated than you might think, and not so straight-forward as just being loving, positive, sober yourself. Start with Al-Anon and consider not bringing this up unless you actually think he's relapsed. Even then, he'd just be combative and harder to help.

Good luck.

If you feel the need to snoop on him, that means there is no basis for a relationship and you might as well end it now. These issues only get worse ,not better

I'd ditch this deadbeat now, unless you want a life of potential drug addiction, misery, and criminal activity.

I second this post. You don't want to get involved with this.

I'm already involved with this though..

Just curious... what are bars?

I'm already involved with this though..

Sure, but that doesn't mean you have to stay in it.

Just curious... what are bars?

Xanax. Supposed to be for anxiety but it is really abused.

What made you want to snoop in the first place?

What made you want to snoop in the first place?

He has been acting really weird lately. Really not himself. I thought maybe he was doing drugs or seeing someone.

But he just got home from work, then went back out to 7-11. had to drive by 50 of them on the way home. I'm assuming he went out for pills.

If he were doing drugs would you be with him in the first place? Is it a deal breaker for you?

I think that would be a deal breaker for 99.9% of people.

Keep in mind that drugs will come before anyone and anything in his life. I'm sorry but this is one battle you'll never win, and I would get out before he takes you down with him.

Be careful of wanting to fix him or rescue him. You are involved only as much as anyone in the early stages of a relationship, learning about each other and if there are compatibility issues. You are still in the learning stages with each other, and attraction does not overrule compatibility in the long run.

It's not on you to "help" him. He has to do that and it's on him alone. And apparently his idea of help is to lie about being clean while looking for drugs to score.

Sorry, this will get sooo much worse. Stay only if you're totally comfortable with the pain and fear living around someone who does drugs massively brings. No one helps an addict but the addict and my guess is he may well be lying about ever having done rehab.

Tell him what you saw, if you can't be honest with him and he's not honest with you the relationships is already dead. Well, actually it is anyways and nine months in this is simply too much drama. Unless you're totally cool with people straight out of the cast of Breaking Bad taking up residence around you and having contact with you on a regular basis since over time he won't be able to keep the two "lives" separate.

I'm already involved with this though..

If he were a child molester would you still feel the same? The drugs should be a deal breaker.

Would you bring children into this environment: so much instability with employment, illegality and overall chaos to a relationship. If so, your barometer is VERY low, and you think little of yourself, and future..

As someone who has lived with two family members who are addicts, I can tell you a few things:

1. Nobody is ever an "ex" addict. Once an addict, always an addict. Even if you manage to get clean and stay clean, the addiction never goes away. It is a constant every day struggle for that person and anybody who says otherwise has not yet come to terms with what addiction means.

2. He is not clean. I would wager he hasn't been for quite some time (if he ever was). He told you upfront he "used to be involved in drugs but was good at hiding it". That was his way of trying to keep you from getting suspicious of his behavior and patterns because he KNEW he would be seeking out and using drugs.

3. You can't change him and you can't stop him from using. He will ONLY get help if he wants it and not a second before. You cannot threaten, cajole him, or beg him into wanting to stop. He will lie to you over and over again to keep the peace.

All of these are common with addicts. It's the nature of the addiction and there's nothing you can do to help. Personally, I would leave ANY relationship where substance abuse was an issue. It can destroy both of your lives if you let it and unless that person genuinely wants to stop, you will get dragged down with them.

Up to you what you want to do, but you have the evidence you need. I would leave ASAP.