28 and scared to lend whats left of my heart out

Hi my name is Bobby. I'm 28 years old and I just feel like I'm at the point of my life where I'd like to find that special someone and I'm having such a hard time doing so. When I was 19 I met a girl in the field behind my house. I actually knew her and watched her grow up. She was 4 years younger than me. We got to talking and found we had so much in common and despite the age difference, we went out for an awesome 2 and a half years. I want to let the record show I never had sex with her. As a matter of fact I'm still a virgin. Anyway she was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. She found another man and told me she had done so on new years eve 2006. That was the worst start of the year I ever had. It was also a start to alcoholism and drug addiction. I've picked myself up numerous times but I give up on myself so easy. I'm always told I'm a gentleman, I have a heart of gold and I'm a really nice guy. I know I am all these things, but I am so scared to ask a girl to go steady for fear if I get rejected and waste another 2 plus years of my life being promised things that get broken in the end..I don't think it will end well for me, so I don't even try. Last summer I talked with a girl I graduated high school with and we got together numerous times, out to the bar, and a couple amusement parks and we still talk regularly. I'm just so scared to make the transition to serious for fear that it will just end in heartbreak. This is a really tough way to live and a heartbreaking way too. I'm constantly so lonely and sad all the time. Maybe someone would like to talk with me. If you've read this, thank you. Take care. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

No risk, no reward.

Tell me something i don't know man.

Could you give a bit more background information? I can see from your post that you've been really hurt, but this was a long time ago and for some reason this has stayed with you for so many years. I understand that this girl was obviously your first love, but most of us have a first love and then we have other loves. I'm just trying to understand why it's been so difficult for you to bounce back from that relationship break-up. Do you think it was your drug and alcohol addiction that held you back? Do you get opportunities to meet women, or do you mostly stay home and not meet many people? I think for one it's very important to create environments and opportunities for yourself where you can actually meet women. Do you have hobbies, what do you do with your time? I think that's Step 1, then it really seems you need to work on your self-confidence and your insecurities.

With how this has affected you and for so long, I suggest some help. Therapy.

So you can try n work on your emotional issue's.. as you fell apart after that loss.

Try not to think of it all as a 'waste' if a relationship doesn't work out. You see, you need to work on your 'frame of mind'.

You're anticipating way too much, in a negative way.

It's life.. life is what you make it. If you choose to go nowhere, then nothing happens. And you past seems to be holding you back..

We all take risks. No one knows the future.. but never give up. You just need some 'help' for a bit with this, I feel.

I think a good therapist can help you navigate your trust issues. Wishing you the best.

Tell me something i don't know man.

People know a lot of things but they keep forgetting them, especially the important ones. Which is why they have to be constantly reminded & told about the obvious. E.g. I know cigarettes are bad for me & I am reminded everyday on the packet, in advertisements, friends, etc. My lungs are probably blacker than coal by now & I can see my teeth slowly deteriorating in colour, & yet I still smoke, a lot.

My point is, if you know something & don't act on it, like quitting for me, you'll regret it even more a couple years later in your 30s & still uncomfortable with women. Take the plunge. It won't be a waste because you will have learned something from it.

Thanks for the input everyone. It means a lot to me. Therapy, I've been through it, numerous times. Funny thing is I've been fighting with my mom about me going back to my psychiatrist. He always seems to give me a drug salad that just numbs the pain and usually just makes me sleep my life away. I've never gotten relief from medication unless they were the narcotic kind. If you want to know a piece of my background, go to my profile and there's a post from 2007, that should explain a little taste of my past. As for hobbies, I work alot so with the little free time I have I play video games and play with my little nephew. He's going to be 3 in March and spending time with him lifts my spirits. I'm really excellent with kids and they always love me, I'm like a big kid. I am very negative, I know this much is true, but for all the pounding my hearts taking over the years, its hard not to be at times.

Enter, yes, psych's can do that re: the drugs

But, look into 'therapy', not a psych. Look for some local therapists. I've seen some over the years and they do not & can not hand out drug scripts.. but they DO talk & it helps.

Just keep working on it. It's obviously affected you in ways, which are not too positive.

Did you say you've dated a few times? Maybe it's just that the right one hasn't come along to take your breath away?

I understand your pains, confusion, emotions, etc. I also have a past i've had to live & work with as well. But, i don't give up. I keep going.

One day at a tiime.

Well for one (I'll comment properly later once I read more of your posts), how can you meet women if you spend all your free time staying home playing video games? I think you need to ditch that and get some hobbies where you're actually out sicialising with people. What else do you like? If you can't think of anything specific to take up as a hobby or don't have enough time, I'd suggest go to link removed and join some general social groups for your age. Like, where people just go out for coffee, movies, etc. You've made that first step to make the post hete and admit you need help, but the only person that can really help you is you and you need to get this ball rolling. Also have you joined online dating? You really need to get yourself out there as much as you can. You can't meet anyone sitting at home playing video games, not even new friends.

I've been fighting with my mom about me going back to my psychiatrist. He always seems to give me a drug salad that just numbs the pain and usually just makes me sleep my life away. I've never gotten relief from medication unless they were the narcotic kind.

This is a problem. Find another therapist. Either see a PsyD, PHD or MSW who will conduct an assessment to determine whether drug therapy is even a beneficial option for you to consider, and if so, he or she will refer you to the right person strictly to dispense the meds while they retain responsibility for monitoring the effects of the meds through your talk therapy feedback.

If you don't experience any relief from the meds, they should be adjusted until you do.

You need to raise during assessment the fears you stated above to give your therapist the right direction. You've got an abandonment issue, and the right therapist is trained to address this and give you the tools to work beyond it. Don't waste time waiting for a therapist to figure out what you can take the lead on--he or she works for you, so YOU need to step up and drive the process.

The loss of your first GF impacted you far, far beyond what is likely to be a problem limited to that. Abandonment issues usually stem from earlier in your development, and the first GF was the straw that broke that thing open. You need someone trained in helping you to heal that, or you could spend the rest of your youth and possibly your lifetime hiding in a room playing computer games.

You can do this.