1st date invitation at his house .. disrespectful?

Do you consider it disrespectful when a guy invites a woman for a first date at his home? Because I do..

I have straight up rejected guys that invited me to come over to their house for the 1st date..and they are not about sex (so they say), but just 'feel comfortable there'..

Am I wrong to distrust their arguments for inviting me there? I feel immediately somewhat disrespected and want to make a run for it. Because

A. They must not really take me seriously despite of what they are saying or how they behaved when they contacted me (online),

B..A housedate is not a real date, unless you know that person for quite some time,

C. Why show this much disregard for my safety, when you know I do not know you yet and you do not know me either?

Sometimes I am wondering if I am overreacting about it .. But it just doesnt feel right. To me they probably hope that sex or something sexual might happen..

And if that isnt the case, it just feels lazy to me..

The only time when I feel comfortable doing that, is when I have atleast been talking, emailing,chatting with you for months..otherwise..no

What do you think?

In the past little over two years I've met three women on an online dating site. The first relationship lasted almost two years. The second lasted six weeks and the third one we had our first date on New Years Eve and are still together. Going to her place this weekend as a matter of fact...All three first dates were them coming to my place and on all three occasions,they stayed the night. Actually the first one stayed Fri-Sun. Coming to my place and staying the night were their decisions. Of course there were many hous of phone conversations first,friending each other on Facebook,etc.. Of course I can see the flip side in it maybe not being such a great idea,but it does happen.....Good Luck!!!

My mother brought me up to have respect for women and that it would be disrespectful for me to have a woman over to the house that i was taking on a first date.

With the woman im with now, i met her online and she wanted me to come to hers for the first date and spend the night, it was clear what she wanted to me? If my mother had known of the plans i would have gotten the biggest slap upside the head, so i turned her down and then i took her out on a real date and we had a good time.

I think its disrespectful, it would be like telling you that he doesnt think your worthy of a real date? Its also very lazy.

When I first met my wife, I kept wanting to make sure it was in a public place like a coffee house or something. First to give her a chance to leave if things didn't feel right, and second for it to be in some sort of neutral ground with no expectations other than meeting. I think it's smart to not go to a pretty-much-stranger's house. Any guy with half of a brain should realize that would make a girl uncomfortable if you two barely know each other.

I can see myself doing it if I think she would be down for it (after emailing, chatting, talking a bit so she knows I'm a good guy) plus my intentions are not to just chill on the couch, like I'll actually cook a fancy meal and create a good atmosphere. Arguably, a better atmosphere than that of going out on a date to a fancy restaurant. I'll treat each situation uniquely to how that person is.

I've been invited to a girl's house on a first time basis as well. But we already knew there was a spark there. I could've been a serial killer, so I can't exactly say that was a good move on her part but I think it's just about using your judgment. Everyone's gonna be different, and everyone you meet will be different as well.

I think it's cuckoo for cocoa puffs! From when we are little we are all taught not to go in a stranger's house. To me, if you've only be chatting online, calling, emailing, etc. and you don't know anyone in common, you are still strangers. Sure, at some point you have to trust... but I don't think that should be before you even meet...

I wouldn't call it disrespectful, though, because as other people have pointed out, some people do it and have had positive experiences. Can't blame a guy (or girl) for throwing it out there if they are comfortable. I WOULD call it disrespectful if you said you would prefer to meet in public and they didn't immediately 'get' why that would be and completely drop the at-home date idea. There should be no argument or cajoling on the matter...

So... I agree with your reasons for not wanting a house date and I think you have an excellent point. To go so far as to say "disrespectful" for suggesting it and getting completely offended? That might be a bit over-the-top. I'd simply say "no" (or h to the no!) and request a public date...

No..I am not saying that they are disrespectful ..as in me mentioning that to them. its that i FEEL disrespected..Like that takes the positive wind out of me for wanting to meet them. Maybe its not even the right word..more a kind of disappointment or something. But that could also be because I am still doing something (online dating) that i dont want to really do anymore. Maybe they have the same thing, and dont feel like bothering to go out in bad weather for yet another date..

I am a pretty open person..and do not judge anyone for inviting someone home or not. But I do feel its strange when you have had just a few brief messages go back and forth and a barely 15minute phone conversation to set a date and introduce oneself a little further..

Maybe I am just getting too sensitive about the whole thing..

I'm not sure why this would make you feel disrespected. Cautious maybe, or disappointed about not going out somewhere, but not disrespected.

Honestly, there are many times when I wish I could just skip the whole going out thing and just cook someone dinner at my house on a first date. I am more comfortable there and I like to do things like that for people. But for safety reasons, etc., I probably wouldn't do so.

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say that you feeling disrespected is completely justified and a reflection of what you value. After all a date at home usually doesn't end with just a hug and goodnight

I don't know about disrespect, but I know I'd feel uncomfortable going to a stranger's house. Hell, none of my friends have seen the inside of my house. It's just personal!

I agree its disrespectful, and i warn my friend about this all the time. But, I, have invited them on the first date to my house, and i never had any intentions to do anything besides show off my horror movie collection (if she likes horror) or my martial arts weapon (if she likes martial arts). I guess I am dorky like that. But i still tell my friend not to go to their house, and to not invite them over to her house either.

Really dep on his intentions!!!!

I've had first dates at the house it went well.. because I had good intentions. It actually ended up having sex..

There was a first date at her house. And it was umcomfartable and akward for both of us..

I wouldn't read to much into it. But to be on the safe side so the date goes well. Let him know u would feel better if u meet out in public in nuetral setting for the first time..

I would never invite someone to my house for a first date, that is very weird... I think most guys would know that. There are so many creeps in the world anymore that the last thing you want to do is make her feel uncomfortable. I always pick public places too.

I would think this guy would know this? Even if the girl wanted to come to my place for a first date I would feel uncomfortable with it too.

It completely depends on the situation I think - yes there is a danger factor there, especially if you have only spoken a couple of times and you met online. I would be wary about it, not because I felt like a foregone conclusion, but more because I would be worried he could be dangerous. It is ALWAYS a good idea to meet someone for the first time in a public place....

However, again, it depends on the circumstances. My husband and I met on a night out in the UK. We had only a few hours to talk and get to know each other in person before I left and we continued our friendship via email and MSN messenger.

When he finally came to visit me a year later, he stayed at my house. We never really had a 'first date' per se, but the first night he got off the plane, we slept together.

However, we had a year and a bit to get to know each other. We had met in person, there was a definite understanding and connection there, and the reason for visiting was mainly to assess if the physical connection was just as strong as to try a long distance relationship. So in that sense I took a chance, inviting him into my home, when I was only physically in his presence for about 4 hours a year before that.

But I didn't feel like he was coming for a booty call and the reason I chose to sleep with him was because he hadn't packed ANY sort of protection in his suitcase. (We did use condoms - I had some in my drawer). But I felt that because he didn't pack them, he wasn't expecting sex out of the arrangement and it was because he didn't EXPECT it, that I felt OK with doing it. Does that make sense?

Maybe you feel that by inviting you to their home, they are treating you like a foregone conclusion....even if that's not the case, it's that feeling of expectation that has you bothered and less likely to go there.

My advice would be the next time someone invites you on a date to their house, just tell them straight up that you feel like it's a lazy way to spend a first date. You don't necessarily expect bells and whistles, but a little more effort on a night out for a first date. I am sure that if he has decent intentions, any guy would understand.

I dated a guy who lived on some beautiful property and it was many acres and it was not disrespectful because he did not invite me to a "couch date" but he invited me to go canoeing on his property because I enjoyed doing that and he was more of an outdoorsy guy. We had a nice picnic lunch and on the next date we went to a restaurant. He told me that he was told to do a casual activity with a woman the first date to get to know eachother because he saw that happen on all of those dating shows where it helped break the ice. And he thought it was a good diea.

I think its a case by case basis. And some guys think women really like to be cooked for, so he could have good intentions.

I would say that if a guy invites you over, just say "how about we meet at x" and change the plans before you label him as a creep.

But if the first date is "hey baby come on over to my place at midnight - " of course that's direspectful.

Contact for a year and then meeting at home..is a different thing for me. Even though its still new, you have time to get accustomed to someone..

I am pretty straightforward..and ofcourse I called the last one straight out on the fact that I did no consider this gentleman-like behaviour and a bit lazy too. He said that meeting in his home wasnt a problem to him, that he wouldnt 'jump my bones' or anything.. but he knows he's very hotlooking so I can almost tell you he would want to set the vibe for something. So I might jump his.. But after i said i didnt want to..he said *fine*..and moved on.

(but I will put money on the fact that some text will be send soon by him when he's out of options)

It irritates the hell out of me..

But to be honest..most guys invite me for a nice drink..no problems. I am just a bit annoyed, because I managed to have 'contact' with 3 of them in a row that were off for me..

I would never meet someone for the first time at his house and if he invited me I'd have to wonder about his common sense/discretion. If I was already friends with the person and had been to his home and we decided to start dating that probably would be different. It's not disrespectful if the man is under the impression that the woman is interested in hooking up on the first date.

If these are guys you're meeting for the first time from online dating websites then yes you're absolutely correct and should never go to someone's house for a first date. Not so much for the guy wanting the wrong type of date but more so for safety reasons. If however, this is someone you have known for some time or are friends with then nothing wrong with a house first date. Maybe he wants to cook you a nice meal, nothing wrong with that.

Yeah I agree it's disrespectful. It's pretty clear what it's/he's all about. It's also pretty lazy! Talk about putting no effort into things. Certainly a look into what the guy would be like in a relationship - lazy, selfish.

It means they just see you as someone to have sex with. If that's disrespectful to you, then yeah.

I wouldnt say that a date at a persons house is disrespectful but it doesnt seem like an appropriate venue for a first date. The person being comfortable at their place is a horrible reason to have a date there but I am sure that some people fall for that. Personally, I would not be interested where they feel comfortable.

If I met a guy online I wouldn't go to his house on the first date, EVER. If I knew them already in real life, maybe, depends on how well I actually knew them. I think if the guy DIDN'T want you for just sex then he would put in the effort to come up with a better plan for a date than just sitting around his house. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who never wants to go out in public anyway. He can't really use money as an issue either, coffee is dirt cheap!

I'm not big on being social, so I'd prefer to do everything at home. Frankly, I dislike the "fanciness" of a lot of these cultural conventions, I view it as being show-off-y and unnecessary. I think it's disrespectful to expect a man to take a stranger out and pay for whatever (which I've never done, btw). Sex notwithstanding, I like the casual, no-frills style of just inviting women over. If you actually want to spend time with me, come and hang out. If you want to be treated like a princess in front of a group of peers, well, you'd better keep moving.

I'm not big on being social, so I'd prefer to do everything at home. Frankly, I dislike the "fanciness" of a lot of these cultural conventions, I view it as being show-off-y and unnecessary. I think it's disrespectful to expect a man to take a stranger out and pay for whatever (which I've never done, btw). Sex notwithstanding, I like the casual, no-frills style of just inviting women over. If you actually want to spend time with me, come and hang out. If you want to be treated like a princess in front of a group of peers, well, you'd better keep moving.

There is no need to pay on a date outside of one's house -it can be a brown bag lunch at a local park. It's disrespectful to ask a lady you've never met to come to your house for a date - it puts her in the awkward position of stating the obvious -that of course it's not safe to do that - and is kind of thoughtless unless as I wrote the plan is to have sex or hook up on the first date.

If you want to be treated like a princess in front of a group of peers, well, you'd better keep moving.

I don't know that going out for coffee or a hike together is necessarily being treated like a princess in front of a group of peers. I think that the only expectation anyone has, male or female, is to be in a safe environment to get to know each other.