Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 27

Thread: My boyfriend choked me until i couldnt breathe and says i deserved it

  1. #1
    iamtrying
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    177

    My boyfriend choked me until i couldnt breathe and says i deserved it

    Hi everyone,Im using a friends old account to post this as im unable to make my own account right now..

    My boyfriend choked me until i couldnt breathe several times last night. He also punched the top of my head a few times. He has pushed me,slapped me and choked me before a few times but no where near as bad as this time. He only seems to do it when he is drunk. He put his ex girlfriend in hospital, broke a bone in her face, pushed her through a wall etc and had charges laid against him. He did it to her because she was always drunk and hitting him and going crazy and sleeping with his friends all the time..etc..I have never done any of this to him. He seems to be psychologically traumatised and obsessed with everything he went through with his old girlfriend and now he is passing it onto me. Like he is reliving his past with her, with me. He has told me he thinks she deserved it to. All we did is have an argument. I wasnt yelling and never touched him. He said i was an evil b****, who is tearing out his sole (all over an argument about his EX). He said he hates females who try to pick fights when drunk. And thats why i deserved it because i wouldnt listen to him. He just seemed so traumatised by what he went through with his ex, that he went psychotic and really dramatic, then choked me, like he did her.



    I dont know what i should do, because besides this, he is really kind, generous, loving. He always tells me how amazing and beautiful and wonderful i am. He is very sweet. I know most people wouldnt like me and put up with me like he does. I really dont know what to do.

    Does it get worse? Does this guy sound familiar to anyone here? Please help me, i dont know what to do. Please share ur advice and experience! I cant tell my family because my dad would murder him, literally.

    ps-my dad used to do the exact same thing to my mum all the time when i was a little girl. exactly the same.

  2. #2
    Oneironaut
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    The beautiful Oregon coast
    Posts
    1,129
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Yes, of course it will get worse.

    What if the next time he chokes you, he doesn't stop?

    The answer should be clear, and you already know it in your heart. Leave now, while you still can. There's little point in anyone here sharing their experiences. The only advice you need is to get away before he kills you.

  3. #3
    abitbroken
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    15,764
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1341
    You need to first get as far away from him as you can before you get killed. No one deserves this no matter what they do or don't do. If you don't live with him, stop answering your phone and stay with a friend for a few days especially one who didn't condone your mother's abuse. Also, I would talk to someone at a women's shelter who has resources for counseling. I received free counseling as an abuse survivor, even though I wasn't in the shelter. If you live with him, get copies of your social security card, bank statement, and pack your important photos of grandparents, etc, and leave. If you cannot leave tomorrow, practice. Let the neighbors see you leave at a set time every day and come back so it won't seem weird that you are going somewhere. Maybe because you grew up with violence you thought the behavior is okay. It doesn't matter what he is like when he is not drunk. He will eventually kill you when drunk. The exgirlfriend got out thank God. Now its your turn because he does something else. Also, please see a doctor. He could have damaged your windpipe, gave you a concussion, etc, and you need to report this.

  4. #4
    Realitynut
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Quad-Cities, Illinois, usa
    Posts
    2,235
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    218
    You know what to do sweetheart....get out! Your dad did it, so now you think he can do it too? It will get worse. Why wait until you're in the hospital. Please leave while you can still walk...

  5. #5
    abitbroken
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    15,764
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1341
    by the way, abusers go through a mean and sweet cycle. They will do something horrible and then they will flip and talk sweet to you, buy you flowers and presents. They will shower you with attention and really overdo it. Until the next time they hit you or belittle you.

  6. #6
    Oneironaut
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    The beautiful Oregon coast
    Posts
    1,129
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by abitbroken [Register to see the link]
    by the way, abusers go through a mean and sweet cycle. They will do something horrible and then they will flip and talk sweet to you, buy you flowers and presents. They will shower you with attention and really overdo it. Until the next time they hit you or belittle you.
    Yep. The "sweet" phase is nothing more than emotional manipulation.

    Ask yourself this: If you really love and care about someone, do you choke them, slap them, punch them in the head, and push them around?

    No, you don't...and that's how you know he doesn't really care about you.

    Get away, and never look back, or you risk becoming a domestic violence statistic. Think of what that would do to your parents...

  7. #7
    Keme
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    cali
    Age
    24
    Posts
    70
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by iamtrying [Register to see the link]
    I dont know what i should do, because besides this, he is really kind, generous, loving. He always tells me how amazing and beautiful and wonderful i am. He is very sweet. I know most people wouldnt like me and put up with me like he does. I really dont know what to do.
    He could be the nicest, sweetest, most generous person on the planet- there is no excuse for his behavior, absolutely none. If there is one thing a guy does to you that should get him dumped automatically, no questions asked- it's hit you. The only times when this is ever acceptable is when it's an accident (the fact that he hit you multiple times rules this one out), or when it's in self-defense (the fact that you didn't touch him also rules this one out). Do yourself a favor and find somebody else. I've dated some real s, but never, ever has a guy hit me. It's just not normal.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamtrying [Register to see the link]
    Does it get worse?
    9 times out of 10 it does.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamtrying [Register to see the link]
    ps-my dad used to do the exact same thing to my mum all the time when i was a little girl. exactly the same.
    This is a pretty important piece of information because this kind of thing gets passed on from generation to generation. Boys that grow up in a family with an abusive dad are almost always abusers themselves when they grow up. Girls that grow up in the same situation are almost always abused themselves. This kind of thing tampers with your psyche. If you consistently find yourself in abusive relationships, you should really see a professional, because this means that something about your personality is attracting and allowing this kind of behavior into your life.

  8. #8
    iamtrying
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    177
    Thankyou everyone for your responses..I feel so naive and like a child. I have issues with confidence and self-esteem, and i just dont have the knowledge or skills to understand this situation. I dont know if i am wrong or right. I just dont know what to think. It would be unfair if i left him because if i did the same thing to him, he wouldnt leave me. But just because i am a female, am i expected to never speak to him again over this? I really am so confused. He makes it seem ok the things he does. When he says he is right and i am wrong, i believe him because i have more trust in his intelligence than mine. If i stick up for myself, i could be wrong and therefore treat him unfairly. So i dont know if i am wrong or right. I end up feeling so guilty as he blames me for alot of things. He says i am the psychopath when i try to stick up for myself. He says i am wrong for treating him that way and he always just seems he is right and i mustnt be smart enough to see that. Its embarrassing for me.
    I find it really hard to believe that he would intentionally manipulate me, or lie to me or keep things from me. The way he speaks is just so honest and true. Like i dont even really know him? He speaks with so much passion and honesty, how could he be lying? what does he think of me? Am i just paranoid? Is he really lying to me? I dont know if any of this is normal or acceptable..I havent really seen how relationships are meant to be.
    I feel guilty because he seems so sad and upset he did this. I dont want to make him feel worse by ignoring his calls. Thank god i dont live with him.

  9. #9
    mbblanch
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Age
    30
    Posts
    27
    Gender
    Female
    Please, please, please. PLEASE. Do all that you can to remove yourself from this situation now, and do NOT delay getting out. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but as everyone has already told you--and I'm sure anyone who replies after this will say the same--it's clear that it's not necessary to have been in a situation similar to yours to be able to offer advice. That said, I can't imagine the hold he may have on you. But it does NOT matter if this is the first time he has caused you any real harm or if he's always seemed loving before and still appears loving after doing this. This is the scariest kind of relationship to be in, and I really hope you can find it in yourself to realize this as soon as possible, if not this very moment.

  10. #10
    Oneironaut
    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    The beautiful Oregon coast
    Posts
    1,129
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    So i dont know if i am wrong or right. I end up feeling so guilty as he blames me for alot of things. He says i am the psychopath when i try to stick up for myself. He says i am wrong for treating him that way and he always just seems he is right and i mustnt be smart enough to see that. Its embarrassing for me.
    Please read this:

    link removed

    If you can get to the bottom of that page and think, "Nope, that's not us", then I stand corrected, and apologize for wasting your time.

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
Gaslighting
Can some of you share your experiences with this if it happened to you? I'm suspecting after 2 years that my XBF is a narc and/or gaslights. This
GF was acting weird....
So my gf went back to school a few weeks ago and usually when she starts off we dont talk as much because she is so busy. we talk daily just not like
Need Help Overcoming Abuse
I was recently in a very mentally and emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissisit. I had no idea it was going on, in fact she was the one who
Scared of Ex boyfriend a bit?
So basically I broke up with my ex boyfriend almost 6 months ago, it was through text, and he was in rehab at the time (he's only 18 ) I knew i would
Moving on from emotional abuse
Hi. A little backstory... I met my ex because I was dating his best friend (who turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive... Birds of a

valendtine's  day counseling
Featured Threads
Ugly pictures
We had a professional photographer come in at work. I used the photo and put it on my dating profile. But when my Roomie saw it,she said take it
Not being "too" available.
I posted a few days ago about the younger guy I've been dating for 6 months and how he doesn't want to use BG/GF labels. I got some great feedback
I am having difficulty accepting my boyfriends bisexuality for no reason
So here goes; the main reason why I got this account here is probably because I am so ashamed of myself and that because I am surrounded by either
relationship advice
hi... I'll start by saying i'm a guy, i just really needed a woman's point of view for this, so i hope you can help me! My mom is paying for my
Seeing ex tomorrow..so confused. Need advice!
Hi everyone. I'm really confused with my ex. Dated two years; he was very hurt by the breakup. He hasn't dated many people, and I was his first
Needing advice and/or support with ex girlfriend
Ok. Long story short... I ended up in a serious relationship with my best friend of 7 years. The last 3 years of which we were in a serious
I really need some advice and a outside opinion
I really don't know what to do ... My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now she is no longer attracted to me but tells me she loves
Ask For Advice

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •