ivinsjames Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 My girlfriend is an ex that slept with 15 guys in the past and I'm desperately trying to look past it but it's a very hard pill to swallow even though I really love her can someone please help me? BTW Ive only slept with 5 girls and am aware that is bad too but 15 is a little much for me. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 You need to get over it and realize she's with you now. I'm quite sure there are things YOU have done in your past, sexual or not, that you wouldn't wanna be judged on. Link to comment
KG Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 She didn't stay with them, she's with you. Her decision. Let the past be that, the past. Link to comment
ohemgee Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Agreed. Get over it or leave. She shouldn't be punished because you are too insecure to handle the fact that 15 other men had their penis in her. I used to play the numbers game(and i dont mean lottery) and its not worth all the stress and aggravation. Shes sleeping with you and that should trump all. Don't even ask next time. And if she wants to tell you tell her you dont care to know or tell. Link to comment
toflyforreal Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 i agree, let the past be the past, especially if you guys are in a monogamous relationship at this time. if she's been promiscuous in the past, think about how special you must be to her if she is committing to you! Link to comment
Catdancer Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Wow...only 15?? That's nothing. Why in the world would she stay with a person who calls her a "ho"?? Link to comment
RelaxByWater84 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Are you scared of getting an STD?? If you are then I would recommend that you both get tested and if one of you has one then the doctor can recommend methods so that either of you do not the other's disease. Link to comment
ivinsjames Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Well thanks guys but my insecurity IS the problem and that's what I need help with cause I do really love my girl.All the other advice given for this is stuff I already realize. So GET OVER IT doesnt actually help me at all. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Well thanks guys but my insecurity IS the problem and that's what I need help with cause I do really love my girl.All the other advice given for this is stuff I already realize. You gotta build a bridge and get over it. Are you worried she thought one of these guys was better in bed than you? She is with YOU. Obviously you are the person she wants to be with. No one is forcing her to be with you. Link to comment
ivinsjames Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Wow...only 15?? That's nothing. Why in the world would she stay with a person who calls her a "ho"?? I said "ex ho" because that's what she was. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I think it's fine not to want to date someone because you have different values about sex, as long as you are consistent - for example, if you don't have casual sex, not wanting to date someone who has casual sex. You have to decide how much this matters to you - and especially if you are willing to give up an otherwise good (?) relationship because of this. If you decide you want to continue a relationship with her, you can't hold this against her, and should do your best to just put it out of your mind. Link to comment
ohemgee Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 ^Get that outta your head. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 You need to get over it and stop calling your girlfriend horrible names. She is with you now, but honestly, if you were saying those things about me, I would have dumped you. Link to comment
Seymore Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Wow...only 15?? That's nothing. Why in the world would she stay with a person who calls her a "ho"?? While I don't agree with the OP in calling a girl a "ho", calling 15 nothing without knowing her age is kind of jumping the gun, don't you think? If she slept with 15 guys at once I might be inclined to say the girl isn't exactly relationship material to a lot of guys. Either way, don't play the numbers game. Some people want someone who shares their sexual values/morals, and that's fine. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Well thanks guys but my insecurity IS the problem and that's what I need help with cause I do really love my girl.All the other advice given for this is stuff I already realize. So GET OVER IT doesnt actually help me at all. Advice is just advice. We can't change you, so I hope that's not what you are expecting. To improve your relationship with her, you should start by not calling her a "ho." What is it that you love about her? Would it hurt you to lose her? If you can't get over this, your relationship will not work out. Will calling her names have been worth it then? Link to comment
ivinsjames Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Um, I never said I call her horrible names.I said ho just so everyone who wants to help me can understand what Im dealing with.Nothing more. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Well thanks guys but my insecurity IS the problem and that's what I need help with cause I do really love my girl.All the other advice given for this is stuff I already realize. So GET OVER IT doesnt actually help me at all. Well, you need to figure out what exactly about it makes you feel insecure, and then address each of those issues with yourself. - fears about performance? - fears about her not being faithful to you? - fears about losing respect/admiration for her? I think this is the sort of thing that can be helpful for you to talk through with someone you trust, but not your girlfriend, as it's not her job to alleviate your insecurities. I have a therapist, and would talk to him, but failing that hopefully you have a good friend whom you can be candid with and who doesn't gossip, probably preferably without bringing up specific numbers out of respect for your girlfriend's privacy. Link to comment
turnaroundmyway Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I said "ex ho" because that's what she was. Well, her past experiences are part of who she is today. If you can't accept it, then you need to move on. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Agree with the others and learn from this....in the future, don't talk about "numbers." There really is no point, and regardless of the answer, you won't like it. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 If you truly want to make things work out with her, you will have to accept her as she is. Honestly, calling her names is not helping at all. Everyone makes wrong choices at one point in their lives. She is with you now, and if she's not out there sleeping with other people - then you will have to get over her past. I know it's going to take some time, but it's definitely doable. I admit that at one point, I was bothered by my bf's promiscuous past. However, I also realize that there is nothing that I can do to change it now, but to accept it. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Um, I never said I call her horrible names.I said ho just so everyone who wants to help me can understand what Im dealing with.Nothing more. Ho is a horrible name and just because you aren't saying it her face doesn't make it any less reprehensible. Link to comment
ivinsjames Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Agree with the others and learn from this....in the future, don't talk about "numbers." There really is no point, and regardless of the answer, you won't like it. True I believe that now that I think about it.And I do appreciate everyone for their personal opinions about this Im willing to take as much as you all will give. Link to comment
Bunney Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I never really quite understood the point of telling a partner the exact number of people they've had sex with. I prefer more interesting topics. Link to comment
Seymore Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Um, I never said I call her horrible names.I said ho just so everyone who wants to help me can understand what Im dealing with.Nothing more. This is so ignorant but it's gut-busting laugh-funny for the same reason at the same time. Link to comment
ivinsjames Posted December 4, 2009 Author Share Posted December 4, 2009 Ho is a horrible name and just because you aren't saying it her face doesn't make it any less reprehensible. What don't you guys understand about "ex ho" Im not saying she is one now.EX means was,or used to be and is now not. come on guys I know you understand better then this. Link to comment
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