My girlfriend is an ex <> slept with 15 guys

[vertigoxo]

I don't know if I would ever date someone who has had 15+ partners. I've had 2 in my life, so while I am not a virgin, I am one who won't give my body away like it's nothing. Just think about it... Sex usually exchanges bodily fluids. Sleeping around raises the chances through the roof of contracting an STD or God forbid the mother of all illnesses, HIV/AIDS. So I do understand OP's feelings about this. OP, have you two been tested? I suggest you two do that before you get in the sheets.

 

My dad told me that people who has a count of sexual partners are more likely to cheat (due to getting bored with having the same partner over and over again since in the past they had variety), more likely to have multiple failed marriages, and for women, less likely to get pregnant in the future. (Not sure if this is true, but I have heard of it.)

 

I am just being honest here. I am not judging people who are sexually liberated, or who has had a colorful past, but honestly... I would like my partner to have less disgusting residue of bodily fluids and semen from past partners on their bodies. I mean, would you use a sex toy that has been used by 20 other people? :S

[annie24]

well, you are 18. sure, 15 partners at 18 is much. but later in life, if you are dating, it starts not being so much.

[vertigoxo]

well, you are 18. sure, 15 partners at 18 is much. but later in life, if you are dating, it starts not being so much.

 

It doesn't matter how old or how young you are. Someone who has had many sexual partners raises a red flag that that person may not be much of a relationship material. Plus, true long term relationships usually come around for years in-between, unless the person who did the dumping has no feelings for the ex at all, and starts up another long term immediately because they do really love that other person. But if the dumpee goes around establishing many one night stands or long term relationships with hardly any rest in between, that is extremely unattractive to me.

 

Sex and The City comes to mind. The TV show is about 4 middle aged women living in New York in search of love. Instead of dating around, they sleep with everyone until they can't hardly walk anymore and yet can't understand why they can't find that one true love. The first girl in the group who got married, I remember, was the woman who had the lowest sexual partners in her past and who is very virginal mentally and emotionally. The other woman who is very very promiscuous, can't even stomach a real relationship happening in her life, cause then that would mean the end of her sexually liberating life.

 

Sex changes people for sure.

[Kaiser_Soze]

I think you need to date some truly morally challenged people in order to appreciate your gf. You have yet to site any other displays of negative behavior directed towards YOU. After all that is what a relationship is about, your interaction and connection with the other person. If she cheated on you, thats one thing. You say you really love her? What specifically about her do you love? It is completely possible for you two to have the same values in life now and different values years ago.

 

I can't stand the argument about someones past sexual history reflects on their morals. It doesn't! Shouldn't people be accountable for their actions? Yes. But only as it relates to the current relationship.

 

Imagine if taking a hit of marijuana in high school labeled you as a druggie for the rest of your life and prevented you from ever being eligible for a good job. I know cops that used to do coke, I know a preacher that used to smoke crack, and have a family friend who used to be a preacher and is now in jail for fraud. My point is people change and they grow, if you are not mature enough to accept her for the person you say your in love with, let her go, because she doesn't deserve your bs judgment. Go find someone that has only been with 3 guys and treats you like S/T then maybe you will value what you had. I honestly think you are mad because she has had more partners than you, if thats the case there's some maturing that needs to take place. When it comes to sex, it's not the first, fifth or fifteenth that counts, it's only her last. If your lucky, you will be her last, what more could you want.

[trezz]

I am just being honest here. I am not judging people who are sexually liberated, or who has had a colorful past, but honestly... I would like my partner to have less disgusting residue of bodily fluids and semen from past partners on their bodies. I mean, would you use a sex toy that has been used by 20 other people? :S

 

thats so brilliant i added to my sigs.......

[Siriana]

In the real world, we have to make judgments about people we form relationships with.

 

 

There is a difference between making judgements and being judgemental.

[Siriana]

I think OP needs to have sex ASAP to reach her number of partners and than his male pride would be saved.

[vertigoxo]

I think OP needs to have sex ASAP to reach her number of partners and than his male pride would be saved.

 

I love this!

[ivinsjames]

Ok my problem is done and I want to say thanks for all the input except for a couple people but Im not gonna be a jerk and say who.BTW Im seriously NOT worried about my "performance" because I give it all I got and am a maniac in bed. So yesterday I just felt like being straight up and talked to her about this. I am determined to not lose a perfectly sweet girl over this issue.Also we are just dating so If it doesnt work then at least I did my best,but I will no longer hold the past thing over her head. I even am able to cope with drumroll........she has a baby by someone who is not me! And that is hard to deal with too but the baby needs someone and the dad's a douche so Im gonna do my best to not replace dad but be there for baby as much as possible.You guys are right though ho is a little too harsh it wasnt that bad.Its just hard for me to deal with.Oh yeah one more thing I don't care if she had sex with more partners then me, vertigoxo made a good point "I would like my partner to have less disgusting residue of bodily fluids and semen from past partners on their bodies. I mean, would you use a sex toy that has been used by 20 other people? :S" like I said though it's done I'm sticking with my girl.

[diabolik]

I even am able to cope with drumroll........she has a baby by someone who is not me! And that is hard to deal with too but the baby needs someone and the dad's a douche so Im gonna do my best to not replace dad but be there for baby as much as possible.

I'm not familiar with the law in this situation, and it will vary by state, but you should probably look into whether the amount of time and resources you put into helping raise this child could eventually lead to the law deeming you to be the child's parent, which could legally bind you in terms of financial support (should the mother press the issue). This may not be a concern for you now, or perhaps ever, as you are in love with the mother and wish to help care for the baby, but you should be aware of the potential legal ramifications, if any.

[thirteen]

Wow...only 15?? That's nothing. Why in the world would she stay with a person who calls her a "ho"??

 

i agree. if you say you love her then why are you calling her dirty names? thats just rude. im sure if she knew you posted something this personal about HER past life on the internet she would up and leave you.

 

past is in the past for a reason. if you cant get over what she has done before you then you need to move on

[shikashika]

I agree with a lot and disagree with a lot

 

15 is not that many. The people saying it is, have clearly been with a much lower number. If their "number" was higher they wouldn't be saying it, that's all it really is... a comparison to themselves.

 

who cares about numbers?? (well the only people who care are those that have only been with a few people!) Whether or not someone has slept with 1 or 50 people does not indicate how faithful they are going to be in future relationships.

 

And yeah, calling your girlfriend that name.. even if it was 'ex' it doesn't matter if it is 'ex' you still said it. What if she said you were an ex 'loser' (which doesn't even come close to what you said about her) would you be OK with that?

 

And if people are thinking about 'disgusting residue' then you must never leave the house.. think of all the door handles you've touched... even in the last day!

 

I don't know why in this day and age people still see sex as something 'disgusting' or that rubbing someone's genitals is something bad. Or if you sleep with a certain amount of people (which in this case 15 people is a very modest number IMO) you're going to be an STD ridden cheater.

 

rubbing genitals is nice.. it feels good!

 

OP, don't talk to her about your issues, you just need to learn to deal with them. I couldn't stand being with someone so emotionally high maintenance.

[vertigoxo]

15 is a modest number? Then I wonder where I fit in with my 2 experiences... A prude? I really am not. I think sex is amazing but people really do abuse it a lot so it's starting to become really dumb for me to do it anymore.

 

It doesn't really feel good when you're having sex with someone you're attracted to only when it's done and finish, they ask you to leave their homes and you never see them again. It hurts. Even if you do it without the intention of it going further... Just having someone use you like that really lowers your self worth and self-esteem.

 

Sex with love is the most sexiest thing to ever experience. I've experienced it and it's amazing, much more than my second partner who was only a FWB. When you have sex with someone you love, you really put your body out there to give and receive pleasure. You know this person... And they know you. They know what makes you feel good as well as you know their pleasure points. It's soooo wonderful...

 

Maybe I was a bit harsh the other night about my views on sex... But here's an interesting thing I found; A psychologist reviewed many men who used to be "players" and who used to have a colorful sexual past. Turns out, all of them are now very unhappy with themselves. They realize that they are out for sex to fill a void that is missing in their lives, whether it's lack of parental figures in their life, low self-esteem, even certain mental illnesses. They wish they could take back everything they have done and at least do it with people they actually care about. The same thing with the psychologist's female patients.

 

Men have feelings, no matter how much they try to conceal it. Boys do cry. They all want love, they all want a companionship, and unfortunately because of our modern sexual obsession now a days, they all feel the need to sleep around so they can appear macho or desirable. I can tell you all this... As long as you use protection, as long as you aren't out to hurt people, and as long as you will promise yourself monogamy with someone you care about someday... Then go ahead. Have sex. Just realize that it won't make you feel any better about yourself afterward.

[annie24]

yeah, but you're 18 and you've had 2 experiences. let's say you've had 1 partner a year, so by age 30, you'll be up to 12, if you keep up the pace. that's all i'm saying. (and some people might consider 2 sex partners by 18 a lot!!!!!)

[vertigoxo]

yeah, but you're 18 and you've had 2 experiences. let's say you've had 1 partner a year, so by age 30, you'll be up to 12, if you keep up the pace. that's all i'm saying. (and some people might consider 2 sex partners by 18 a lot!!!!!)

 

Oh yeah... I understand about that and all. But I just don't understand people who show off their high numbers like they're proud of being used like that. I remember all the young people at my high school where a 15 year old girl already has like 20 something partners and I just... I can't wrap my mind around what's so attractive about that. I'm sorry but I just don't.

 

I think that when a person has over 20, it's kinda pushing it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Oh yeah... I understand about that and all. But I just don't understand people who show off their high numbers like they're proud of being used like that. I remember all the young people at my high school where a 15 year old girl already has like 20 something partners and I just... I can't wrap my mind around what's so attractive about that. I'm sorry but I just don't.

 

I think that when a person has over 20, it's kinda pushing it.

 

How are they being used when they want it and get what they want out of that many partners?

 

Honestly, you are assuming a lot.

[annie24]

well, high school is a different world, and many teenagers are still trying to figure out themselves and what their role is and all that. like we all say, yeah, 20 sounds like a lot, but i mean, i'm sure you're number will add up by 30! lol, come back in 10 years and tell us if your opinion changes.

[vertigoxo]

How are they being used when they want it and get what they want out of that many partners?

 

Honestly, you are assuming a lot.

 

Even though they want it, with no strings attached, unless you're a complete sociopath, having sex with that person will create a connection between you two. I mean, I'm not being self-righteous nor do I think I'm better than sexually liberated people, because I don't think that way. Everybody is equal despite everything. But I'm just saying that when you find someone attractive, it's usually always also about their personality, how they make you feel, how they make you laugh and how they make you feel so special. That's where the sexual attraction grow. I mean, many men would tell me, "Yeah, really sexy women are nice to look at, but I would never touch them. They don't seem very interesting." and I would be shocked because I thought it was all about hog big your boobs are or how wide your hips have to be in order to appear attractive. But that's not it at all...

 

well, high school is a different world, and many teenagers are still trying to figure out themselves and what their role is and all that. like we all say, yeah, 20 sounds like a lot, but i mean, i'm sure you're number will add up by 30! lol, come back in 10 years and tell us if your opinion changes.

 

Oh yeah, my numbers will add up over the years, I won't lie. I just hope it doesn't reach in the double digits because face it, most men can't handle their sweetheart being like that back in the day.

[shikashika]

Oh yeah... I understand about that and all. But I just don't understand people who show off their high numbers like they're proud of being used like that. I remember all the young people at my high school where a 15 year old girl already has like 20 something partners and I just... I can't wrap my mind around what's so attractive about that. I'm sorry but I just don't.

 

I think that when a person has over 20, it's kinda pushing it.

 

 

I don't think anyone likes anyone bragging off high numbers, just as nobody likes anyone bragging about how special and virtuous they are because they've slept with only 5 people.

 

but as, we've seen in this thread, different people have a different idea of what is high and what is low.

 

I remember having this conversation with a roommate ( a guy) who was telling me how his last girlfriend had slept with 35 guys. And he said, "I guess that's about average"

 

She was about 30.

 

Anyway, many people on here, their jaw's would drop in horror. Others wouldn't bat an eyelid

 

It really is all relative.

 

But, i don't know why people place so much importance on how many people someone has slept with.

[shikashika]

Even though they want it, with no strings attached, unless you're a complete sociopath, having sex with that person will create a connection between you two .

 

well I don't think I'm a sociopath at all and I have had sex with people I have NO connection with! I have done, but not with everyone.

 

I probably would have thought more like you when I was 18 though!

[vertigoxo]

More than anything, I wish I could take back the two people I have had sex with in the past because in the end, they didn't loved me at all. They just wanted to use me for pleasure. Yeah, maybe having the awkward first sex with your new husband/wife might suck and yeah, there might be blood and all that... But at least you could laugh about it years from then with your wife/husband while having mind-blowing sex with each other thanks to learning from each other and through other means of it (books, videos, online advice, etc.) You don't have to have sex with a large amount of people to "gain experience" or to be seen as good in bed.

[shikashika]

More than anything, I wish I could take back the two people I have had sex with in the past because in the end, they didn't loved me at all. They just wanted to use me for pleasure. Yeah, maybe having the awkward first sex with your new husband/wife might suck and yeah, there might be blood and all that... But at least you could laugh about it years from then with your wife/husband while having mind-blowing sex with each other thanks to learning from each other and through other means of it (books, videos, online advice, etc.) You don't have to have sex with a large amount of people to "gain experience" or to be seen as good in bed.

 

 

yes, but just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean others should and that they are going to have your same issues.

 

I don't regret anyone I slept with, event those that acted like asses.

[shikashika]

 

 

because face it, most men can't handle their sweetheart being like that back in the day.

 

Maybe immature guys you've met care.... but most men do not. I have yet to meet one that does!

[diabolik]

who cares about numbers?? (well the only people who care are those that have only been with a few people!)

Many guys care about a girl's numbers, if they are being truthful. And it's not just guys who've only been with a few people. I've been with somewhere north of 40 women, and I would not consider a woman with a similar number of partners to be LTR/marriage material. And I know plenty of guys who feel similarly - when they are with their guy friends, they are much more likely to be honest about that than when speaking with women, even on an internet forum.

 

Even the PUAs, who preach being non-judgmental about a woman's promiscuity (b/c it makes it much more likely she will have sex very early on) aren't keen on LTRs with women who've spread their legs for as many partners as they've had.

Whether or not someone has slept with 1 or 50 people does not indicate how faithful they are going to be in future relationships.

I doubt this is true. Women are wired, much more so than men, to become emotionally connected to their sexual partners. I would expect, all else being equal, that a woman with her 51st partner becomes less emotionally attached to him than a woman with one of her first few partners.

 

Separately, age makes a big difference, and AFAIK, we still don't know how old OP's gf is. It makes a big difference whether she's 18 or 30.

[vertigoxo]

Maybe immature guys you've met care.... but most men do not. I have yet to meet one that does!

 

The first guy I had sex with, who is now currently my ex, was ecstatic when I told him that I was a virgin when we started dating. I mean, he has had sex with girls that had other experiences before, but I could tell he wasn't that crazy about them like he was with me because of my non-existent past. He was also very insecure when I was very bi-curious (I'm starting to think now I'm heterosexual after all, but who knows...) and he would be all like, "Maybe you're not bi, maybe you like guys way more, I'll make you straight!" and this is the same guy who is all like, "OHMYGOD I AM SOOOO BIIII!

 

Ugh.