Izac1789 Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Hi all, I am going away travelling in 7 weeks time for 5 months or so and am unsure of what to do in my current situation. Ill give some background below.. So i was seeing a girl for a few weeks in February, and she was booked to go away travelling in March.. So when she left we carried on talking, but then she wanted to be fully single etc so we cut ties with each other and both led our own lives when she was away. Anyway, she has now been home for 2 weeks in the same city as me and we have met up and dated a little bit. However, I am now booked to also travel in 7 weeks time and will be away for 5 months. She is also talking of wanting to travel again next March and also says she dreams of moving away to another city once she is home from her next trip. (I can not move due to my own business in the current city). A lot happened when she was away and she did start speaking to her Ex boyfriend again etc which still sits with me.. So my question is, what do we do for the next 7 weeks or so? Should we make the most of our time when we are both home or should we cut ties now so it doesn't make it as difficult when i do leave in 7 weeks? It seems we are going in different directions all of the time and would save heartache when i go.. But are we reading in to it too much and planning too much in advance..? Thanks in advance.. Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 It doesn't sound like your lifestyles are conducive to a meaningful relationship. I think you should enjoy the time that you can squeeze in together, but as far as thinking of the future, it's just going to cause problems if you think you can maintain a relationship. You'll be gone for 5 months. The chances are very high that you will meet someone on your travels. Don't make any long term plans. Link to comment
Keyman Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Agree with Sarah. Stay friends, nothing more. If you start letting emotions get entangled, it is going to mess with you when you go travelling. You might start pining for her and this will reduce your experience wherever you are going. Link to comment
Andrina Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 A lot happened when she was away and she did start speaking to her Ex boyfriend again etc which still sits with me.. You're not exclusive so I don't know why this was brought up. Was she stirring up jealousy for an ego boost? Reading what you wrote, you seem to be into her more than she's into you. Telling you she wanted to be fully single while she traveled was telling you she wanted to be free to hook up with guys on one night stands. Do you really think a girl who saw you as someone she could potentially build something beautiful with would act like this? I wouldn't waste my time staying in contact with her. I'd just tell her what you said. That your lives are heading in two different directions and you don't want to get emotionally invested when it's her plan to move away. I wouldn't stay friends, because a new woman in your life will be asking questions about who this other woman is that you hang out with. You will drive away decent women who won't put up with a guy hanging out with a woman he wanted more from, if the situation had been right. Have fun traveling, free and single, just like she chose to be. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Just level with her. If you both want some casual dating for the next few weeks great. I am going away travelling in 7 weeks time for 5 months or so So my question is, what do we do for the next 7 weeks or so? Link to comment
Izac1789 Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 Thanks all for your replies, much appreciated. I have made it clear already that it is best to go our own ways once I do go away. I will see if she is happy casual dating and having fun before I go, and if so and it's not serious then fine. If she finds it too serious will be best to leave things be. Thanks Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I agree Izac with your post #6. Link to comment
Izac1789 Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 I have been speaking to her just now and explained the situation as i have done in the previous messages and it went as follows me: ' I think we shouldnt get too emotionally invested and if we are both cool with that then we can have fun when we can'. her: 'yep sounds fine to me. I am just worried if we are spending time together i may get emotionally invested.' me: ' i see, but we need to keep it chill' her: 'what does that even mean? i'm not doing something if there are rules etc' Then we continued to talk but more arguing talk about etc.. I feel the best thing to do is to stop meeting after her reaction, it seems she is too in to it. Thoughts please? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 She perceived this as a demotion to fwb and was offended. Let things cool off. If she wants to get together she'll contact you. me: ' I think we shouldnt get too emotionally invested and if we are both cool with that then we can have fun when we can'. her: 'yep sounds fine to me. I am just worried if we are spending time together i may get emotionally invested.' me: ' i see, but we need to keep it chill' her: 'what does that even mean? i'm not doing something if there are rules etc' Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 It's too much, OP. She's neither here nor there, talking to her ex and spending time with you, not sure if she'll be emotionally attached, easily offended/prone to misinterpretations...etc. The travel is one thing, her personality... something else. If she thinks she may become attached and you know she's not a catch, it might not be a good idea hanging out with her at all. I think the risk of things getting confusing between the both of you is a bit high. I wouldn't want that. Link to comment
Andrina Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 In the future, have serious conversations in person or with a phone call, not text. It's hard to hear a tone with text, and the tone can be misinterpreted. It's hard to totally be on the exact same page, in this situation, with an acquaintance. She's already meant for your past. Start your future without someone you're arguing with. You don't owe her anything. Link to comment
Keyman Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 me: ' I think we shouldnt get too emotionally invested and if we are both cool with that then we can have fun when we can'. her: 'yep sounds fine to me. I am just worried if we are spending time together i may get emotionally invested.' I feel the best thing to do is to stop meeting after her reaction, it seems she is too in to it. Thoughts please? Honestly, saying not to get invested is like trying not to get anxious going to talk to that cute girl, or trying not to get a b*ner when you hold your girlfriend's hand for the first time. Sure, some people it takes longer to get invested, but for others, it just happens when it happens. She has already expressed she is worried it's going to happen. I agree to stop meting with her until after you get back, if she is still interested, considering how you have already degraded her already growing feelings for you. Link to comment
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