Should I Forgive Her Despite the Pain?

Dear eNotAlone: My girlfriend of over 5 years recently told me that she cheated on me with her workmate and she's deeply sorry. She said she was confused and it was a mistake, and she still loves me and doesn't want anything to change between us. Part of me still loves and wants to stay with her while the other doesn't want to be in such a relationship where trust has been broken. I don't know what to do and don't want to be naive to forgive without consequences.

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When faced with a difficult decision, it's helpful to do some soul-searching and gather data before leaping into action. This can help ensure that you will make a choice that you won't regret. In this case, your dilemma is whether or not to forgive your girlfriend of over five years after she cheats on you with her workmate. There are several aspects of this situation to consider before deciding one way or another.

First, consider your own feelings and needs. Is the pain of betrayal too much to bear and do you need closure? Or can you genuinely forgive her and still have a healthy and trusting relationship?

Next, think about what the consequences would be of each decision. If you choose to forgive her, could you honestly look past the infidelity and build a lasting relationship? On the other hand, if you decide to break up, will the emotional impact of her betrayal always affect your future relationships with other people? Again, it's important to contemplate how living either decision would affect you and your relationship lon-term.

In addition, understanding the underlying reasons why she chose to be unfaithful can be valuable. Communication is key in every successful relationship and here it's incredibly important to discuss honestly and openly with her what led to the cheating. Issues such as boredom, feeling neglected, or lack of emotional support within your relationship may be rooted in her decision-making and could be productive topics in the discussion that may provide you both with clarity and context.

Whatever you decide, give yourself the time and space to process your feelings and make sure that you are taking care of yourself along the way. Consider seeking out a counsellor or trusted friend who can provide additional support as you navigate through this difficult situation.

All relationships require commitment and effort, and managing a breakup (if you choose to go that route) can take time. The decision you make will be personal and not everyone's opinion matters — it's okay to distance yourself from people who give negative feedback and instead focus on what's right for you.

Break ups and forgiveness can be two tough considerations and both choices require courage. If you do decide to let go of your girlfriend and seek out a healthier relationship, keep in mind that it is not possible for you to force yourself to forget about her completely — this takes time. your goal should be to make the best decision for yourself and your individual situation.