How Can I Find Closure After Breaking Up With My Partner?

Dear eNotAlone: My girlfriend recently broke up with me, and I am struggling to cope with the reality of it all. We have been together for three years, and moved in together six months ago. It's been a difficult few weeks since she called it off. It's hard to try to sort out my thoughts, because it all happened so quickly. I don't know what happened or how to handle why this happened.

I can't stop thinking about her. It feels like a part of me is missing. All I want is closure, but I am scared to talk to her about it. I feel like no matter what I say or do, I won't get the answer I need. I miss her, but I want to move on. How can I learn to accept the end of our relationship and find closure so I can move on with my life?

* * *

Breakups are never easy and finding closure can be a difficult process. It can be emotional and challenge the way you think about yourself and others. But, healing and ultimately finding closure can help you move forward with your life.

Firstly, you need to recognize that this ended because it wasn't meant to be. You need to understand that sometimes even though we might want something to work, it just isn't a good fit and that's okay. Take time to mourn your loss, including the time and energy you had invested into the relationship. Acknowledge and honor your feelings, validate any hurt that you may feel, and then it's time to let your grief move through you.

It's normal to be scared and anxious about facing the reality of the situation, but if you want to move on then you need to take steps to gain closure. Take some time to reflect on the relationship. Make a list of the positive and negative things that occurred over the course of your relationship. This will help you gain some insight and perspective, and start to make sense of your break-up.

If you want to talk to your ex-girlfriend to gain closure, that's understandable. Before reaching out, ask yourself why it is that you're doing this. Understand your expectations of the conversation and be honest with yourself. Do you need a proper explanation as to why your relationship ended? Do you want them to admit fault? Would it help to forgive them and have them forgive you? Bear in mind that reconciliation might not be an option; this has to be acknowledged before having the conversation.

Closure is something that you have to work on yourself. Acceptance is the key; accepting that this relationship is over and realizing that it's time to create a new path. Every ending of a relationship gives us the opportunity to learn important lessons. Reflect on areas that you could have worked on during the relationship or how you can make sure to choose healthier relationships with new partners in future.

Make sure that you prioritize your own mental health. Focus on taking care of yourself by eating well, engaging in activities that make you feel productive, and accept help from friends and family who are supportive. Everyone has to cope with difficult situations in life. You can use it as an opportunity to recognize and develop your resilience.