It's a devastating experience to have the person who you thought you'd have forever by your side suddenly and without warning, disappear. This unexpected ending can leave someone feeling shock, and grief, almost like they are lost at sea. Such was the situation that the original poster faced when their partner of 8 years dumped them 3 days before Christmas - while they were home decorating.
It is these moments where we must take something raw and tragic, and try to find a way forward. Especially when it is unpredictable and unprovoked. You may experience doubts about yourself, or even resentment towards your partner, and these feelings and emotions can be hard to sift through, let alone identify. But understanding what you feel and going through the experience is essential in order for you to move beyond it.
The first step is to get through the initial shock and pain. Even if there are no answers, it is human nature to be looking for them. Your reality has been shattered and in your current state it may seem out of grasp to find a rational thought. Other than that a tragedy has occurred, but this is the initial step to gaining back your power in the situation. Allowing yourself to acknowledge what has happened is an important part of the journey.
Reach out to family and friends as you process the grief and start to work through the pain. Grief is an incredibly personal process, so while it is key to reach out to those who care for you and offer words of support, it is not necessary in order to be vulnerable to potential judgement or comparison. Instead, allow yourself time to think, cry and talk about it with those who understand and offer support.
Give yourself permission to embrace the vulnerability of the situation, it is all part of learning from the experience. Letting yourself feel the full impact of what is happening, can be a heavy burden, but ultimately it is essential to moving forward. Allow yourself to emerge stronger and wiser through the experience, but to do that, you must be willing to now see the challenges it presents as an opportunity for growth.
Naturally the process of mourning takes its own path and it is important that you engage with your emotions when they arise, rather than push them down or deny them. However, it is also crucial to come to a place whereby you can embrace the loss, but not let it consume you. To this day, every feeling should be appreciated, as it is simply part of how you are unconsciously confronting the burden of loss. It is important to remember to savor the positive moments along the way, however small, even in the muddiest of waters.
As the waves of sorrow roll in, be kind to yourself. Take steps to show yourself compassion and understanding by using mantras and affirmations, where you can give yourself praise for getting through tough days. Remind yourself that the pain will ease and life will move forward. Remind yourself of the big picture and why you are entering this stage of your life – with strength and resilience – so that you can move forward with intention.
Remember that you are not alone, even if it may feel like you are walking a solitary path. Remember to recognize the promise of a brighter tomorrow and that this too shall pass. The better days ahead will come, and when they do, consider that you might be ready to shine again.