Do I break no contact and tell her I'm seeing someone else?

Me and the ex broke up 2-3 months ago because she wanted to be free and live a single life. We were also LDR and eventually she cheated on me. We had plans for the future, baby names etc, and she said that I was the one she wanted to marry , but the timing was poor. (Different stages of life) . She stated she wanted a break and reconnect later. I took it as a breakup

We did love each other but I wanted commitment from her, and she was not ready for that.

I knew we had to end the relationship as I was not open to an open relationship. We broke up and I was devastated. It was really tough for me for the first month and I have been in no contact ever since. She still apparently 'loves me' and is still wearing our jewellery (this is very customised and not something you would wear if you did not still harbour feelings)

Since then I have started seeing someone new locally (Very recently) and have been doing really well. I tried extremely hard to get over my ex and think I have reached the point where I don't care if she is seeing someone else or not. I no longer think about my ex and to be honest I can view relationships more rationally now. I am not sure I can date more than 2 people at once.

My question is, should I tell the ex that I am seeing someone right now? I have not developed any real deep feelings for this new person yet, but I do like her. I would rather not talk to my ex as I have been doing leaps and bounds by doing NC. However, in the back of my head I feel as though telling her this would be the right thing to do, so I can let myself fall in love with this new girl.

Then again, if I do this, she might start chasing me again and then I would have to deal with the drama of dating 2 girls and having lead someone on. It just seems to me like I want permission from my ex to let me love someone else (which sounds completely stupid having typed this out )

Thoughts on the situation I'm in ?

She wanted to be free and single and, unfortunately, there is no such thing as a "break and reconnect" later. That is her keeping you on the back-burner in case the grass isn't greener. I understand you have feelings for her still, but you owe it to yourself to keep on moving forward. Of course you haven't developed any feelings for your new person... that comes with time.

You don't need permission from anyone to move forward with your life. Don't contact her! Best of luck.

I cannot imagine why it even crosses your mind to contact your ex about this new relationship. You need to move on as though you never even knew your ex. chi

She made the choice...she can live with it. Dont contact her.

I really feel sorry for this new girl, as she sounds like a total rebound. You should have given yourself at least 6 months before moving on to someone new.

Why in the world would you contact your ex if she's your ex! I think the only reason is to make her jealous and for her to want you back.

You are all over the place: you see yourself involved with both, and also see yourself falling in love.

You need to end things with the new one, as you're going to cause her a lot of pain, and your actions are quite selfish.

Take a break from dating, until you're ready for someone new.

I don't want to make the ex jealous at all, and it's not that I want her back. I really want to give this new girl a chance and have detached myself from the old relationship already.

I really feel sorry for this new girl, as she sounds like a total rebound. You should have given yourself at least 6 months before moving on to someone new.

 

Why in the world would you contact your ex if she's your ex! I think the only reason is to make her jealous and for her to want you back.

 

You are all over the place: you see yourself involved with both, and also see yourself falling in love.

 

You need to end things with the new one, as you're going to cause her a lot of pain, and your actions are quite selfish.

 

Take a break from dating, until you're ready for someone new.

Totally agree! We all have the urge to date someone new right away to fill the void and thinking the rebound will fill that void..the only thing you're accomplishing here is prolonging the healing pain & and hurting someone new in the process...

Give yourself a break and learn to love yourself before doing what ....Just my two cents....

I don't want to make the ex jealous at all, and it's not that I want her back. I really want to give this new girl a chance and have detached myself from the old relationship already.

In one breath you're saying you don't want to make your ex jealous, yet in the next breath you're saying you've detached yourself from your old relationship with her.

I may be off base, but it sounds as if you're still communicating with your ex?

I don't want to make the ex jealous at all, and it's not that I want her back. I really want to give this new girl a chance and have detached myself from the old relationship already.

According to your post, you are not over her. You would not have considered contacting her, or thought of doubling up with the new GF, if you were not still attached.

Time to be honest with yourself, and more importantly, your connection with the new girl.

My question is, should I tell the ex that I am seeing someone right now?

Nope, it would just come off as manipulative.

When we get bat crazy ideas, it can be useful to ask "why". Write down the answer. Read it back to yourself out loud. If it is too much work to come up with an answer, it's probably a bad idea. If you manage to come up with a reason, one that is littered with contradictions, plot holes, and crazy leaps of logic, then yes, the idea was bat crazy. On the other hand, if makes the most sense in the world to you, with no contradictions, you might be on to something

By the way that bat crazy idea you had... I think everyone dating a new person before fully resolving feelings for the old one will have this idea. You are still trying to seek closure through external means. Real closure comes from within. You know you have it when you are no longer looking for it. Good luck in finding it.

I don't want to make the ex jealous at all, and it's not that I want her back. I really want to give this new girl a chance and have detached myself from the old relationship already.

You're lying to yourself. Get real. You may be detached, but you're far from over her. There's no point in telling your ex anything unless it's an attempt to make her jealous - and that would be so incredibly immature, as you likely know. My advice is to live graciously and privately and be very, very cautious with this new girl. You don't want to break someone's heart, do you?

Telling her would be harsh and totally selfish in my opinion. If it was me it would kill me knowing my ex had a new partner after a few months and I think i'd end up disliking my ex for telling me because there would only be one motive behind it and that would be to make me jealous. It also could destroy a future friendship as 3 months isn't long after a relationship.

She may have hurt you mate and your doing so well for not contacting her. Just don't tell her this as its wrong and will make you look like a villain. Enjoy your new relationship if it feels right and maybe you can text you ex to ask hows she doing, but I totally disagree with telling her you have a new gf.

Our situation is almost identical. LDR, she cheated on me eventually, 2.5 months BU and NC, and now im dating someone else and would love to let her know that. But no man, don't do that, admit it to yourself that you just want to make her jealous for whatever reason. I believe you that you don't want her back, because i don't want mine ex back, i didn't want it even 2 months ago when i was desperate and miserable, i would still say no if she asked. But yeah, we are vain and i would love to let her know that i moved on and that i'm 99% over her. Over her, not over the good times, i don't think we can ever get over the good times...

Still, by contacting her now just to say that, she might think that you're not even close to moving on, and you don't want that right?

As for the comments about the rebound and poor new girl, they are right and wrong, depending on the situation. I told my new gf several times not to chase me, better run away from me, im still healing etc...but she just didn't want to go. We're having a good time now, but no way i can fall in love so soon after "love of my life" ditched me. So yeah, poor girl if she falls in love, but what can i do when she doesn't want to listen. I'm her rebound as well anyway, she left her fiance 4 months ago.