ForgetitDamit

Hi "name", It's been over a month since our breakup and i just want to apologize for everything. I don't blame you for anything anymore, i know it was all my fault don't worry. Just like i blame all the girls i once loved for letting me fall out of love, now i blame myself for letting you fall out of love with me. I can see now how i was exploiting you all this time even though i lied to myself how i'm your biggest support and how it should be enough for you just the fact that i love you and that i'm around. While you had a terrible first year and a half of our relationship when you were still living with your husband, and another even worse 2 years living with kid in a small room with your parents, i was enjoying living like im almost a single. I had all the benefits of living as a single guy plus your attention, and love i suppose, and my days were great from start to beginning while yours were miserable. Even when you would come to me, i wouldn't bother much to make you have a wonderful experience. I was acting like you are having a great life at home just like i had and that it's enough for you to just hang out with me when you come around. I let you wait for 3.5 years promising you a better life and i'm sorry for that. I hope you don't see it as wasted years, i hope you can remember them as at least somewhat good. We had some great time haven't we And yeah sure, i stopped acting like a man, im aware of that, don't know how that happened. I guess this was really my first time i thought im going to spend my life with someone and i started acting strange eventually, god knows why. Anyway, im over the breakup now in a sense but im not ready to be your friend yet, but i could try to be one, one day. I wanted to delete you on fb because sometimes i still check around what you're doing, but i just saw you already deleted me, so that's cool, let it stay like that for now. Thanks for the best 3.5 years of my life and i can only hope that you enjoyed them at least a bit. Hope you found your happiness with that guy, and if you didn't i hope you will find it eventually. Btw im in Thailand now, and man i wish you were here lol, you would bloody love it. G'bye "Name"

day 40 I don't understand why can't i forget this woman. I know she was not good for me, or for anyone else for that matter, but dammit why can't i forget her. We started badly, meaning she was already cheating on her husband with his best friend, with her boss, and with her good friend, and with me on top of all that. I took it as a light fun (huge mistake) and look at where i am now after 3.5 years. I was sure we really loved each other, but after a year and a half she admitted that she was still screwing her boss occasionally, how he was threatening her to do so or he would tell her husband...bs like that. She told me that after he fired her, yeah great time to tell me , just to relieve her guilt. She was crying, begging, which is not something she ever did before being a proud and stubborn so i was sure she really loved me. We went on for 2 more years after i took her back slowly, and i was absolutely sure we are the best couple ever, best friends, she was always cudly which is so not like her usually, as i said she appears cold and acted cold to everyone all her life. Cold, unless its about sex...nympho. We were always fighting who will do more for the other one, competing really, that's how good things looked like. And out of blue she said, through sms, she wants to leave, while i was thinking about buying a wedding ring lol. I was sure at the time she wants to go back to her husband because of their kid, and that's something i could live with i suppose...there would be hope. I went to her place to see her one last time, and i was expecting she will be cold, but she was all smiling instead, kissing me, almost crying etc... After that meeting a started NC, before i even knew what NC is, i just felt like its the right thing to do. 2 weeks later she texted me saying she met another guy. I thought i would die that second. I said yeah you probably met him while you were with me, and she said met him yes but nothing else...yeah right. I texted her couple of times that day, demanded to grow some balls and tell me things on phone, and that was our last talk, no harsh words, moslty silence. 40 days of NC past, and i still think about her, why the hell. I was better 2 weeks ago, i thought im on my way out, why do i feel like crap again last few days. Im moving tomorrow to Thailand and i hope that will help. What hurts the most is that i know its over forever because no way i would take her back after she cheated on me again, even if she wanted to come back and even if i was still in love, which for some fcked up reason i still am. Second reason is, how the hell someone doesn't text you after 40 bloody days just to ask if i was ok, if im alive..seriously, how can you not just ask someone you swore to love forever if he is ok at least. I know its better that she doesn't, im just angry how can someone be so cold all of the sudden.