Attitudes on on marriage after a divorce

Maybe this is the wrong area of the forum to post this, but here it goes. I've been divorced now for 10 years, (with a few failed relationships since than as well). I have two teenage children from that marriage. Since then I've never seen a reason to get married again. I think it's fine for those who are just starting out and plan on having children together, but once that's not the case anymore, I'm not so sure. Somebody mentioned in another post that most women really want marriage. Is this true of those who have already been through it as well? What do you think? What about full commitment without the legal contract? Is it worth it due to the short nature of most relationships these days?

I can't speak for most...but i think full commitment IS marriage. Now with that being said, i also believe at our age that their should be a prenup. I feel most men don't want to get married because they feel they lose so much in the divorce. I don't want to be married so i can get half of HIS stuff...I want to be married because i always wanted to be a WIFE in a loving relationship. Not a gf at 85. I was in a non loving marriage for 20 years. I believe it is possible to be in a LOVING marriage for longer!

I also believe you 'fight' for a marriage harder. You don't just 'throw in the towel'.....and walk away.

But that's just me. I guess I'm still waiting for that house with the white picket fence....and rainbows!

edit: I'm also bummed by the short nature of relationships these days....ugh. I was just dumped yesterday by a 'new' guy that i thought had potential. He left the tent in the middle of the night where we were camping cuz i snored!

My mom was married 3 times . But the first time she divorced she was 25 and the second time she was 32. So she was still really young. She did have my brother and I though to bring with her. And the final time she married she was 47. Had she been older would she of remarried I don't know, but probably, as she remarried when my brother and I were adults by the time she was 47.

I am not divorced, but I am a 37 year old woman with no kids (and it's not really a 'goal' so it likely won't happen).

I am also unconvinced that marriage is necessary if you aren't planning to have kids. Or at least... yes, I would want a pre-nup. I've worked hard for what I have and whoever I were to marry would have worked equally hard (...or more... or not...). Marriage should not be about money...so... it should not be about money. Hence, the pre-nup.

I think it's different when you are first starting out and you both have little-to-no assets to speak of. Or if you are older and you are roughly in the same spot in life. Otherwise, marriage IS a financial contract (like it or not!) If it's just about commitment, you can have a commitment ceremony or pre-nup and it should amount to the same thing.

Just about every happy couple I know is made up of people who have both been married once before. Including me and my wife. A group of us all joke about it all the time, and I always say "you have to do it twice for it to stick"

Don't let your fears/misconceptions cloud reality.

Just about every happy couple I know is made up of people who have both been married once before. Including me and my wife. A group of us all joke about it all the time, and I always say "you have to do it twice for it to stick"

 

Don't let your fears/misconceptions cloud reality.

Or in my mother's case it took the third time to find a keeper. She has been married to her third husband for 20 years.

I think marriage is fabulous when you're married to the right person who has similar goals and a well matched temperament, and horrible if you make the wrong choice. It offers significant financial and legal advantages to those who are married and research has proven this. But of course it is a financial disadvantage if you end up divorced.

Everything in life involves risk. So you have to weigh the benefits and the risks then make a decision. And people do see an emotional/financial/legal benefit to marriage which is why they do it. So marriage is really a choice and a decision based on your own personal perceptions of what is valuable and worth the risk. Some people think the stability of marriage is worth the risk, and some people value their freedom and independence more than security and stability.

If you don't want to marry, then you need to look for women who value independence and freedom more than stability and security.

Only two of my girlfriends have divorced .. I know they would both like to get married again someday - for one it is a priority - for the other not a must but something she would like to do if she met the right man.

I married in my 20s and remarried in my 30s. As I'm in my 50s I'm not even sure I'd want a relationship again if my wife left or died. I didn't have a prenup when I married either time but would recommend it to protect any children from previous relationships. For example, if I married a 3rd time, I would have a prenup to protect my daughter's rights and would suggest that my (very hypothetical) 3rd wife would do the same for her children. For the same reasons, I would want to keep finances separate not just to protect our kids in the event of a break-up but also in case of debt problems, potential unemployment, etc.

I've been married before and I still wouldn't spend much time in a relationship with someone who didn't love me enough to want to marry me!

Also, I wouldn't want my son to get too attached to someone who wasn't planning on sticking around forever.

I think it depends on the people involved. I'm sure there are some out there who agree that they can be in a loving, committed, long-term relationship without the certificate and be perfectly content. Others will want that certificate and what it represents, as well as what comes with it from a financial standpoint.

I don't think either is right/wrong, except within the context for those two people. Is it right for some? Yes. Is it not right for others? Yes.

Unfortunately, I've found out that marriage still doesn't give any guarantees for a lifetime. That's one issue I struggle with. They can leave just as easily. Found out my wife wanted out it in May, she was gone by July.

I can't speak for anyone else, but like you got divorced way back--20, 30 years ago I think? And never remarried nor have I ever really had the desire to do so since even though a few guys wanted it. I raised my kids, had several careers, purchased my own property and pretty much tossed the whole Cinderella crap about having to have a man to take care of you into the garbage a long time ago. Even in my worst relationships I never let go of my own independence, because I'd tried marriage and found it to be really kind of awful that someone else got to make all of the big life decisions rather than me and that I had to answer to them all the time. Not that my ex-husband was a bad guy, he wasn't, but I had to admit I am not someone who does well with many of the standard concepts of marriage.

I'm probably not explaining this very well. And forget about big weddings, which I consider something close to a sin of extravagance and waste. Again, these are my personal issues--they are not to be taken as something I would force on anyone else. If someone wants a big fancy wedding more power to them, just not for me.

That said lo these many years later and my current SO has asked me to marry him. And with this one man I am going to say yes, because it means so much to him. It will be a small private wedding, no ridiculous budget blowing and that's that. But do I think in the long run it will change anything between us--not really. The relationship works, we work, we also are very independent people who each have our own lives and plan to keep those lives after we marry. So yes, I'm ready to take the plunge again, but it took me a long time to get there. And would I do it with anyone but him, probably not.

And if something happens to my current SO am I going to rush out and do the dating circuit and try to find love again? Odds are pretty much that I won't. I'd never say never, but come on. I have a full happy life and have for years. Anyone I choose to share that life with is simply one part of it, not the whole picture if that makes sense.

Yes, for myself if anything happened to my husband I would probably never marry again. Simply because of the fact that we have been together more than half our lives at this point. It would take me a very long time ever be ready for another relationship such as this one.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage PP!