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  1. #1
    Bronze Member Ferrero's Avatar
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    Ex husband sent me flowers for my birthday yesterday, what do i do?

    H guys,

    Yesterday was my birthday and I got a call from the place where I used to work that I had some flowers delivered. I asked my colleague to read the card and this is what it said: "Do not ask from who, nor ask why... just enjoy and have fun ". I could not send the flowers back because a colleague had already signed for it. and I mean I do love flowers , flowers didnt do me any harm, lol.

    I had hoped it would from the new guy i'm getting to know but then I realised the new guy knows that I no longer work at the place where the flowers were deleivered. So I texted my ex and said Thank you and he replied, "Weren't expecting it were you?" then he goes on to wish me a very happy birthday, saying he has a feeling its going to be an awesome year ahead." The signs are telling me he wants to get back together and make it work but at the same time, female instinct and intuition tells me he is messing around as well which he denies of course. He cant have both worlds. If he wants to play that game, I can keep him on the side and see other guys as well but it doesn't feel right, thats not who I am.

    I'm totally confused now. Any words of Wisdom?
    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance. Author Unknown.

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  3. #2
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    Enjoy the flowers and sit back and see what happens, if he really wants to try to work it out... (and if you would entertain that) he will contact you again. Just keep living, and if you are with a new guy that you like, focus on that relationship not your ex husband.

    My ex husband every once in a while shows up again to make amends or tell me how great I am, I think he does it when he is lonely. Pops in, freaks me out, pops back out. (I've never considered reconciling with him, but the intrusion in my life is jolting).

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ferrero View Post
    Any words of Wisdom?
    Only time will tell.......chi
    Last edited by chitown9; 06-22-2012 at 04:26 AM.

  5. #4
    Platinum Member shooting star's Avatar
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    I agree with the others

    just carry on with your new man ,enjoy your flowers ...feel good happy and confident and just see what is coming up without
    looking for it.

    oh and happy belated birthday xx
    You don't choose the wand Potter , the wand chooses you ...

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
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    I looked at your other threads. This guy has been messing you about for a long time, making sure you don't forget about him, while doing nothing really tangible to get back together. Remember that he had an emotional affair with someone and pretended to that person that he was divorced. So honesty and integrity is not his strong suit. He plays games to keep women strung along. Based on his past behaviour the only thing that I read from the flowers and the comment is that this guy is messing with your mind again. Keep strong and continue focusing on moving on from him. He is no good.
    "A word to the kind: when I sense I'm hurting someone, I am. The fact that someone would be weak enough to tolerate that from me doesn't make me less responsible for my actions, it makes me more responsible". Catfeeder

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs View Post
    I looked at your other threads. This guy has been messing you about for a long time, making sure you don't forget about him, while doing nothing really tangible to get back together. Remember that he had an emotional affair with someone and pretended to that person that he was divorced. So honesty and integrity is not his strong suit. He plays games to keep women strung along. Based on his past behaviour the only thing that I read from the flowers and the comment is that this guy is messing with your mind again. Keep strong and continue focusing on moving on from him. He is no good.
    I agree. Some men have a knack of knowing just the right time to come back into your life to prevent you from moving on. Your birthday must have seemed like a gifthorse.

  8. 06-22-2012, 07:45 AM

  9. #7
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
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    My ex-husband did this ploy after we separated... He cheated on me and treated me with a lot of neglect while married, but once i threw him out, he started doing things he should have been doing all along like acknowledging my birthday etc.

    He made a big deal about my birthday, flowers at work and a gift and dinner, but on the dinner i realized he was still the same person and he was was just 'doing the needful' to try to get me back... just manipulating and flowers and gifts don't MEAN anything if there is not a real change in the person and the original reasons you didn't work well together are still there. He was who he was, and i was just disappointed and disgusted when i realized this 'wooing' he was doing was just to try to get right back to where he was before, to worm his way back in. He hadn't changed and didn't intend to, he was just trying to manipulate me.

    So if you don't think he's really changed and the original reasons you broke up haven't changed, then just look at it as him trying to manipulate you. If he is truly sincere about making amends, he'll do a lot more than send you flowers including changing himself for the better, asking to go to counseling with you, whatever it takes to make amends and repair the damage. Flowers are easy, just throw down the credit card at the florist, but making real changes in order to make a marriage work is an entirely different story and he must be willing to do that and to truly change. Otherwise, just ignore it.

  10. #8
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    Sounds like he may have got wind that you're seeing someone else and decided to pop up and remind you he's there.

    If he's genuine, he'll try. But I agree with everyone else, keep living your life as normal. He needs to do the running if he wants to catch you.

    Hope you had a lovely birthday though!

  11. #9
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm totally confused now. Any words of Wisdom?
    Yes, take him off the pedestal, and remind yourself that he cheated on you for the entire eleven months you were married to him.
    "When you start rationalizing and accepting a cheater's behaviour/excuses, you start playing a game of how low can you go." ~ Lavenderdove ~

  12. #10
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    Some of you ladies are notoriously imfamous for letting these loser dudes play you for longer than some tool dudes get played by egocentric loser broads.

    OP: I see one thing with the flowers. Note what the card said, "Don't ask why..." etc. basically he was piquing your curiosity with that and then when you text him he says, "You weren't expecting that were you?" it is a very clear pattern of him shifting the focus on to him and his "grandious and magnanimous gesture" of good will to which he "expects nothing in return". Except there is a reason why I put quotation marks around some of those bits and that reason is sarcasm.

    This guy is a liar, a game player and a cheap bastard. He didn't even make sure you still worked there or hire a flower company good enough to know to not leave the flowers there.

    I could go on and on. NEXT!
    If I could tell the world just one thing and have it stick it'd be, "When wondering about the nature of something, ask yourself this question, 'Does it agree with observation?' and then utilize your answer objectively."

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