Deciding between Priesthood or a relationship?

[rabbitskin]

"Who do you love more, God or me?"

 

Wow. I don't believe that people have read this and responded as if it is a perfectly valid question. You might as well ask, Who do you love more, your mother or me, or breathing or me? This is RIDICULOUS. It is a totally different kind of love, a totally different kind of devotion.

 

As I understood it, the priesthood is a calling, not just a job. It is a devotion to God that requires sacrifices of an individual, one of which is celibacy. Remember Abraham, asked to give his son as a sacrifice to God? If God asks you to do something, I'm sorry, but you do it.

 

Your girlfriend needs to understand that the fact that you have merely thought about this is not that you are considering 'rejecting' her, or it means that you don't love her. She has to stop seeing herself as in rivalry with God, for pity's sake. Perhaps you can explain to her more deeply exactly what you believe and how important it is to you to follow your beliefs. God is in all things. If you are with her, it is because God has decided that that is your path, not that she somehow 'beat Him out'.

[Leonhart]

Hey there, I've been with my GF for two years now. I'm very devout (Roman Catholic) and she is a deist of sorts. I recently have been considering becoming a priest, (I'm taking Philosophy/Theology in University). But today I was posed with the question "Who do you love more, God or me? I couldn't answer and it got ugly. My GF now is not talking to me because she's upset that I could possibly abandon her for someone she believes doesn't even exist.

 

What do I do? I don't even know if I WANT to become a priest, I was merely considering it, but now my relationship is on the rocks.

 

She's not even your wife and she already demands first allegiance? Okay. Even then...

 

I would've answered and let the chips fall where they may. But it probably would've been the end of that thing (relationship, that is). It's a rather childish question anyway: It would be like your girlfriend asking you, "Who do you love more: Me or your mother?" lol What kind of question is THAT?! And being jealous of God? Come on. That's technically one battle even I wouldn't bother to fight. What's the point...?

 

You need to decide what you want to do. Is this girl you've been dating for a long time the most important person to you, or do you really want to become a celibate priest for your whole life?

 

If you're just soul-searching, fine. But it sounds like your time is limited and taking too long to decide could be a problem. I think you REALLY have to be serious about your decisions before deciding to become a priest. That said, it sounds like you may not be ready for that. Priests don't date. Hell, maybe I should become a priest...!

 

Frankly, nah... I won't even go there. Do what you feel is right, pray about it, if you wish. Good luck and God bless.

[Protex]

Hypothetical question to you, Protex: what would you say if God asked you the same thing?

 

If God were to ask me whom I loved more, again it's a tough question. The two types of love are so completely different.

[Protex]

Well here is an update.

 

I called her this morning and basically told her that I wouldn't abandon her. I told her she was not unimportant, or just a 'filler'. I also told her that I would not leave her for preisthood. I've done some thinking, and I wouldn't. That would mean leaving her basically alone in this world (given her past, and my role in her life) and while Preisthood would entail sacrifice, I believe it should be more personal sacrifice... In this specific case I believe myself to be sacrificing someone else as well.

 

I also told her the question was unreasonable.

 

Lastly, I will look for placed in the Roman Catholic Church that I can participate in without being celibate. I thank you all for your help as this was quite perplexing.

 

I'm glad it is over, for now at least. If we ever were to break up, over something else, I don't think I would seek another relationship. Right now it feels as if SHE is truly important, not the mere notion of a relationship....

 

Now I'm ramble.

 

Thanks again guys.

[BellaDonna]

Hi there. Can you become a Deacon?

 

In the Catholic church a married man can be ordained a deacon, but a unmarried deacon cannot marry once he is ordained..... does that make any sense?

 

So if you married first- you could still become a deacon....and not have to live alone forever, but you could still be deeply involved in the church.

 

There are other ways to get involved too.

 

BellaDonna

[heloladies21]

That's some hardcore manipulation tactics right there. She asked you a loaded question and you walked right into the trap. Folding, putting all of your personal beliefs aside as if you are beneath her. Even if you don't feel like you are, this is the way it's coming accross to her.

 

Women have no tolerance for doormat guys who always put on a smiley face when the situation calls for an argument. Seen it happen too many times for it to be a coincidence my man, guys who act like you get dumped.

[ghost69]

well, it isn't fair to be dragging her along considering her to be expendable. i would feel lost if i was her. she might consider leaving you. you have a decision to make. happiness in a career helping out your community, or happiness in a family (possibly if you continue to date).

[Dako]

Protex,

 

I think you handled it very thoughtfully.

You seem well-suited to helping people.

 

Maybe social work or counseling within the church?

[Daddy Bear]

If God were to ask me whom I loved more, again it's a tough question. The two types of love are so completely different.

Precisely. Do you think your girlfriend might be comforted by having it explained to her this way?

 

If you are with her, it is because God has decided that that is your path

I rather think that the choice Protex is making belongs to himself. As far as I understand Catholic thought, God bestows free will on each person - to believe or not to believe, to mock or to respect, to enter and leave the Church under his or her own control - and does not enslave His people to do His bidding.

[FrancisHouseman]

differences in religeon rear their ugly head in all sorts of situation.

 

I went to a christenning at weekend and my boyfriend smirked and laughed and was rude all the way through the ceremony. Im a catholic, and he will never marry me in a church, and our future children will never be christenned. that makes me really really sad, but i love him so, although I joke about trading him in for a good decent catholic boy, i really have no intention of ending our relationship.

 

I know of others in my situation who refuse to put up with it.

 

The relationship you have with your girlfriend is extremely difficult, because i would feel like her too, if my boyfriend said to me, what you said to her. You are forewarning her that you may have to break her heart, that you are thinking of leaving her for someone else.

 

Your relationship with God is equally important to you, but you do need to choose. Even if you dont become a preist, will your girlfriend stick by you and marry you in a church? will your children be christenned and go to catholic schools?

 

would your relationship survive anyway? I dont think it would.

[doyathink]

Protex

I admire the deep thought you've put into this. I hope you follow the path your heart desires in this life. You truly are a 'fisher of men' and whether or not you realize it, your already doing Gods work. I wish you luck my friend.

[ryanbrasier]

on that one u said somethin about that guy sendin u a messgage and u would tell him about ur relatinship and how it worked could u tell me im in a similare one plz zero

[ghost69]

maybe you can join the church in some other way other than a priest and stay with her.

[Protex]

Thank you all so much for your help. I have no doubt that I will enter the Church in some form.

 

You are all very insightful and I'm happy you took the time to consider my problem!

 

Much love to all.

[Luke Skywalker]

Choose God and dump the girl as she sounds like an infidel. God will find you another girl. If you calling is to be a priest, or that's what you really feel strongly towards, then even though I strongly disagree with that brand of Christianity, it's better than being in a relationship with that girl since that's like the devil talking through her "do you love God or me". Heck, it's better to be single than to be with the likes of someone like that.

[Dako]

That's a bit harsh., LS.

[sophie274]

Hey -

 

If you think you want to be a priest, I would try to make a decision that is not based on your current relationship - how would you feel if you two broke up and you'd "missed the boat" to become a priest? Of course that's hard to do, but maybe you could take a trip for a few days to get away from your usual environment and reflect?

 

I disagree with those who have posted that she is manipulative. Maybe her question was badly phrased, but she had just found out she may be in a relationship that was going nowhere! I would be hurt and confused too ...

 

I think you should come to a decision based on how you see yourself in 20 years, 30 years time. And if you do decide to become a priest, then you should stop dating - it wouldn't be fair to the women you would meet.

 

Good luck!

 

PS. I know you said you had already made a decision, but I just think you should convince yourself that this is the right decision for you, not just in terms of the relationship you have. If you feel you've already done that, then ignore my ramblings!

[ghost69]

abstinence sucks.

[Siriana]

abstinence sucks.

 

Well I agree.

It's off topic, but yeah....in lack of apstinence the only thing left is absint

[AwdreeHpburn]

wow

 

 

that's all I can say to this thread.

 

wow

[Protex]

Even moreso along the lines of this topic, how well can people of different paradigms get along together.

 

We discussed it again tonight and my GF broke down crying, saying that she hates how Religion makes her feel isolated. How everyone seems to scoff and look down upon her or try and convert her when they find out she's not Catholic. I think she resents how the very messages of Christ, the teachings and the doctrine are lost within the body of the Church.

 

She also said she rebels against religious thoughts and calls them stupid, and me stupid because the religion makes her feel stupid for not believing.

 

I think we're having a somewhat of an emotional breakthrough here.

[heloladies21]

She also said she rebels against religious thoughts and calls them stupid, and me stupid because the religion makes her feel stupid for not believing.

 

I think we're having a somewhat of an emotional breakthrough here.

What? You just got called stupid. How can that be viewed as a good thing?

 

I know my couple of posts have been ignored on this thread, but when it all shakes out and she continues to distance herself from you until the eventual break up, just have my advice in the back of your mind. Nothing wrong with making a mistake, but there is something wrong with making it over and over again.

 

Your gf doesn't respect you. She thinks you are being fake with your emotions and is looking for a way out. This religion issue is just an excuse.

[sophie274]

Even moreso along the lines of this topic, how well can people of different paradigms get along together.

 

We discussed it again tonight and my GF broke down crying, saying that she hates how Religion makes her feel isolated. How everyone seems to scoff and look down upon her or try and convert her when they find out she's not Catholic. I think she resents how the very messages of Christ, the teachings and the doctrine are lost within the body of the Church.

 

She also said she rebels against religious thoughts and calls them stupid, and me stupid because the religion makes her feel stupid for not believing.

 

I think we're having a somewhat of an emotional breakthrough here.

 

Do you think you can see where she's coming from, or were you totally surprised? Do you talk a lot about religion in front of her, or do you two "hang out" a lot with religious friends? She sounds like she is feeling as though people around her are trying to convert her and chastising her for her beliefs - do you think that has been happening?

 

If your friends have been making her feel bad, you might want to ask them not to talk about the topic with her. Or maybe she could stay away from events that are religion-themed. The bottom is line is, though, that your religion is a big part of your life, and that in the way it is coming through now, it's threatening her. It's up to you do decide whether things can change to make her more comfortable, or whether you need someone who follows the same religion as you, or who at least really respects that religion (she doesn't sound like she does!). If you are passionate about your beliefs I think it will be hard for you to spend your life with someone who does not respect them (although her problem is with the Church, not the teachings?).

 

I can throw in a bit of my experience. My boyfriend is Catholic and I am not. I have many issues with the Catholic Church, and it has led to some heated discussions which left us both kind of angry. However, religion is not a main part of my boyfriend's life, and we do agree on some important points, as well as what we want for our (potential future) children, etc, and I encourage him to go to church even though I don't really believe.

 

Those are some good things to think about - how the both of you would want to raise a family ...

 

I do agree that she should not call you stupid and she should apologize if she has not already. I don't think that religion is just an excuse - you thinking about becoming a priest shows how HUGE a role religion plays in your life, and I think it's normal that that role should be ironed out.

 

Good luck!

[ghost69]

that's great you are accepting her as your gf and will continue with her before deciding otherwise. good luck.

[Iceman26]

Personally I think that if you have already had relationships with women that desire will more than likely remain with you, so your best bet would be to be a deacon.

 

You get the best of both worlds that way.