isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Im the one who posted the thread about the fiancee who was looking at porn, and I didn't know how to get over it. Well, everything was okay in that arena (althought I can't seem to get past the dating site- we were ENGAGED!!!), but he's starting arguments over NOTHING and he is leaving for 7 months in 4 weeks for training in his career. I would be visiting him, but I am going to be honest. I'm not sure I should marry him. I've given back the ring twice (including today). He has lied a lot and I don't know if I can trust him. Last night I simply text messaged him that some girls at work were asking why we don't get married before he goes to get training. We were planning to do it after his training in a 10 day period at the same time we would have to relocate to a new city before he starts work. He acted like I was the one who said didn't want to get married before he left . Last MONTH I asked him why we don't just get married now before he goes...and he said it's because he will be in debt and doesn't want to get married in debt. I thought that was fine. Then last night he tells me there are other reasons. I have been treating him well...we've been having fun and bonding...nothing seemed too bad. Then he just gets so mad and I'm not even sure what's going on. To make a long story short, he has now called me a B, made fun of me...told me he was looking for women with really big breasts when he was looking at porn (I'm average lg B to small C cup). So I got really angry and told him that I had a guy who liked me (and why doesn't my fiance like the way I look?) I told him I want HIM. But he doesn't like me? I was trying to make him jealous. Well, turns out the guy is a friend of mine who is very gay...and I cleared that all up with my fiancee. I admitted I was just trying to make him jealous because I was jealous. (not smart, I know). This morning I was talking to him about last night and how I felt he started an argument when I was just asking a simple question. (Even his MOM is on my case about marrying before he leaves!) I thought everyone was seeing something we weren't. He told me he will talk to me about it later. I get no sleep last night, I'm an emotional mess, and he calls me this morning with this generic apology. I could tell he was just saying it so he didn't have to talk about the issues at hand. So i asked him why he would start an argument over something innocent (trying to figure out why he was SO mad!) And he hangs up on me and text messages me to leave him alone. THis morning he made fun of my voice when I was upset and hung up on me over and over. I feel like I should do the NC thing now. Am I overreacting? It just doesn't seems like he cares about how I feel! So I don't write a novel, ASK ME QUESTIONS IF YOU NEED MORE OF THE STORY!!! Link to comment
Zaphod Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Erm.... you were thinking of MARRYING this guy? Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Yeah, think i'm crazy? Link to comment
Zaphod Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Ermmmm..... well from your first post..... erm..... yeah a little bit if you want the honest truth. There are plenty of good guys out there who won't treat you like that. You deserve better IMHO. Link to comment
Dako Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I don't think marriage is what you need. You need a healthy relationship. If you're both having this much trouble, I can't see the point of adding marriage to a mix that includes taunts, games, threats and insults. You don't seem to respect each other. If you do marry, the opinions of friends and family should be ignored. Marriage is between two people, unless kids are involved. Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 You're very insightful Dako. Thanks for your honest opinion Zaphod Link to comment
need2bme Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I agree with Dako. Not even worrying about the porn, but the fact that he belittles you and doesn't seem to give a crap about your feelings, would stop my engagement cold. Also, and I know I am going to get flames on this, but where in the world do all these crappy girls/guys get guys/girls from? I see friends and people on here all the time, talking about ghastly things that thier SOs do. It just blows my mind how people treat other people. 1 Link to comment
Zaphod Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 You must bear in mind though that my opinion is based on your POST - I don't know your partner and I only have your post to go on. If you are only telling one side of the story, then only you know that. 1 Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Wow. I think i've been in denail about this and how bad it's become. Where are all the loving guys? Why don't I find them? Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 that was denial. Yes, I know...I've considered that Zaphod Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 thank you!!! Anyone else? PLEASE REPLY!!! I need you!!! Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 IMHO...what does that mean? Not quite up to par on the comp. lingo Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Yeah, your post is one big fluorescent red flag. I wouldn't marry him if I were you, and vice versa. Link to comment
Zaphod Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 IMHO - In My Humble Opinion. And I'm a nice guy (I've been told). AND exciting too (I've been told) - AND a bit bad too (I've been told). We do exist. But sometimes we wear a mask (sometimes inadvertantly) so you don't immediately recognise us. There's milllions of nice (and exciting) guys on this forum for a start! Perhaps you have to learn how to judge? Or recognise us properly? A bit like judging a quality car or something...... perhaps you might learn new criteria by which to hold us up against? Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 This guy seemed like the nicest in the WORLD!! Okay, maybe there were some signs....my dad was a cop. He was very rough. i saw him with guns. I saw him in fights defending his family. I'm use to very rough men. That makes me feel safe. Link to comment
lunatic Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Wow. I think i've been in denail about this and how bad it's become. Where are all the loving guys? Why don't I find them? We are here! Trust me on that one. I feel the same way about the ladies myself! Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Oh good! But do the nice guys want a divoced girl with two kids? Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 I've seen this guy with guns. I've seen this guy defend me...see the trend? Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Don't worry...we're not a violent bunch!! I'm trying to describe the type of guy I am attracted to! I'm very gentle and loving, actually. This crap hurts!!!! Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I am engaged too...just recently. It moves the whole tone of the relationship into a different realm. This is the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with. Why get married if it is going belly up right now? If it IS for real...you can wait. Why rush into garbage so that you can be unhappy? The making fun of your breasts part really upsets me...that is crossing over the line. No matter how irritated I was with someone I would not start picking on their body. SHEESH. I think the worst thing I said to my ex husband in a heated fight..before I left...was to call him "bald"...and I even regret that, and we have been divorced for three years. It's just plain mean !!!! This is the person who should love every pore of you..because that's what love is...loving someone...even if their feet are too big or they have bad hair. I think his jerkiness is over the top. I would do NC...let him think about the cruddy things he said.....sorry kid. Link to comment
lunatic Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Oh good! But do the nice guys want a divoced girl with two kids? Well my ex had twins from a previous marriage. I don't think ALL men would be put off by that hun. If you look there are men out there that will treat you the right way and you would not have to question his actions all the time. 1 Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Oh good! But do the nice guys want a divoced girl with two kids? I have THREE kids..am divorced..and I found an ANGEL. They are out there...and I am keeping him !!!! 1 Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 fnlyfrei : What you said made me all teary. You're right. hubman01: I know you're right. Link to comment
isisastaria Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 Anyone Else Have Any More Comments? I Can Use As Much Feedback As Possible. Link to comment
JoeWho Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 I think the main problem is that he doesn't respect your feelings at all. Making fun of your voice when you are upset and your breasts is 100% unacceptable and you should not put up with this type of behavior. Something has to give here, because if you marry him and this behavior continues you will be miserable. There are lots of good guys out there who won't care if you have kids or not. Some of them may even have some guns. Link to comment
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