Taking it slow or booty call?

[spiceybebe]

I am new here, but I thought I would give this a try.

I have dated a few guys but I have never really had a good happy long relationship, just a few short ones. Bear with me it is a long one but you might need the history behind it.

 

Recently I met this guy online and he is older about 12 years older(39).I wasn't sure if age would be an issue but we had great chemisty on emails. We both agreed to take it slow. So after 2 weeks of emails we agreed to meet and go for coffee and if that went well we would go to dinner. So we met and then went to dinner. We were trying to figure out what to do after dinner and we could not come up with anything, then he suggested going back to his house but said "If your not comfortable with that, we can postpone it" So I said yeah let's postpone it" We then said goodbye and kissed and ended the date well.

 

Then the next day he sent me an email telling me how he had a good time and how about dinner this week. Then asked me about something I said on our date about going back to his house. To which I told him I knew if we did, I know that we'd end up gaving sex and I wanted to take it slow and he agreed. So we arranged dinner for Saturday at his house so he would cook for me. So I agreed as I really like him and we have a great chemistry.When Saturday came and I went to his house for dinner. He was great. He had made me 2 CDs of a band he liked that I ended up liking. He bought me chocolates, we snuggled, kissed and he gave me a shoulder massage. After dinner. we were going to sit down and watch a movie, but we sort of started making out and well it sort of snowballed. We got very intimate and he was very focused on pleasing me, but the confusion started.

 

He lost his erection twice. Which has never happened to me with a guy so Is that normal for guys at that age? Then I was thinking that I didn't want to please him to much as I thought we would end up having sex. But as of a sudden he finished on my chest.

 

After I asked him maybe next time instead of cumming on me we could have sex and he said " I won't cum inside you, besides it's no fun with a condom" Then he got up and went to clean up as did I. I came back and laid back down on the blanket thinking we were going to cuddle but he came back and put on his boxers and a pair of track pants offered me a cup of tea. No cuddling. Then we sat on the couch (not cuddling but facing each other) talking to which he asked me some really weird questions such about the guy who I rent from do we hang out at each others places. What was I doing tomorrow and that he was going to be super busy working. At midnight, He said "It's past your bedtime and your starting to fall asleep" but didn't offer for me to stay and to me it seemed he didn't want me to stay, so I grabbed my stuff and he said don't forget your cds and chocolates. Then we kissed he put on my jacket and asked me which cd he was now supposed to make me? We kissed goodbye. Then I left. Thinking what the heck just happened here? Was I a booty call or not? So yesterday I didn't receive a call or email from him. So I wanted to ask him about it so I called him but I got the answering machine so I just left a message saying I had a good time and that if he wants to call me he knows the number. Well he didn't call but sent me and email this afternoon saying he had a nice time too and that he got back late and thought it would be too late to call (as he called me once before and I was sleeping) and he will be late again so he thought he would send me and email. He said he hopes my week is off to a good start and he will talk to me soon!

 

So do should I talk to him about that? Am I getting the brush off here? Is he using me? or is he taking it slow? or am I even just crazy for thinking this. I do like him and I do want to persue this. Anyone have any insight here?

[lessy20]

booty call.

[TheRedQueen]

Eww!!! I felt violated by just reading your post.

 

This guy is an absolute slimeball, please get rid of him immediately.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Somethings are kind of strange here. Like him inviting you to his house early on like that. And it is my opinion he did way too much like the chocolates, the CDs so early on.

 

It seems he turned on the "wooing" in overdrive so fast and that makes me suspicious. He kind of treated you coldly afterwards too. I am not sure if he was embarrassed about losing his erection but still, things seem a little....off. And I find it strange he was asking you about whether or not you hang out with this guy you rent from? Weird. And this bothers me too...

" "I won't cum inside you, besides it's no fun with a condom" " Ummm, so he does not believe in being safe? With a stranger?

 

I would trust your instincts on this one. From an impartial perspective, I would not go out with this man again.

[caro33]

I'm with kellbell, the condom thing got me too. I also thought that embarrassment might have had something to do with his behaviour.

 

I'm not sure he's a slimeball or is using you (although he might be), but even if we assume the best, let's look at his behaviour. You are being told how he handles conflict, or embarrassment. He withdraws. Now many of us do that, but if it drives you nuts pay attention now.

 

It's early days though. I would like to tell you to move on just because this is getting messy early and the condom thing looks dodgy. But if you like him, maybe give him a chance to contact you again properly, and give him a chance to change your mind about him. But stay away for now, the ball is in his court and he's got a little ground to make up. Mixed metaphors but you know what I mean .

[annie24]

Eww!!! I felt violated by just reading your post.

 

This guy is an absolute slimeball, please get rid of him immediately.

 

ditto. ewwwww..... booty call.

 

I think in the future, stay away from dates at houses until you've been with him for a while, known him in person, and just feel comfortable that he is genuinely interested.

 

I hope you used a condom!!!!! there are really nasty diseases out there.

 

and ditto to what kellbell said. chocolates and cds? too much "romance" too soon. very suspect.

[addictedblue]

my opinion here is that he wanted to woo you with chocolates and cds and the fact that he was willing to cook for you so you'd have sex with him. this is definitely not taking it slow if you guys are naked on the second date. farthest from it. booty call. drop him and get with someone who likes you enough to not mention going to his place on the first date.

[Jayar]

He basically got what he wanted, and now he's done with you... If you chase him like a rabid monkey he'll probably have sex with you another time or two, but realize that he isn't into you for a relationship. If "booty call" isn't what you're after, then don't speak to him again.

 

I'm not sure if the way you conducted yourself killed any future of a relationship, or if he was just not in it for the long haul from the get-go (it really could be either) but don't worry about it now. It might be in your best interest to be more selective about who you share a bed with, if only so that you don't get hurt (physically or emotionally).

 

He said it doesn't feel good with a condom... Which means he doesn't use condoms. Which means when you sleep with him (or do anything else with him, for that matter) you are doing so with EVERYONE he's slept with, and everyone THEY have slept with as well. If you're not in LOVE with a guy when you sleep with him, you should at least know him well enough to be in very deep "like"... JMO. All the best in the future!

[shikashika]

Are you fine with it being a booty call?... or did you want something more?

[ScreenagerX]

There are two parts here I don't quite get.

 

Firstly :

Then the next day he sent me an email telling me how he had a good time and how about dinner this week. Then asked me about something I said on our date about going back to his house. To which I told him I knew if we did, I know that we'd end up gaving sex and I wanted to take it slow and he agreed.

Then secondly :

So we arranged dinner for Saturday at his house so he would cook for me. So I agreed as I really like him and we have a great chemistry.

 

You told him that if you went back to his place you would end up having sex with him. Surprisingly thats what he did. I'm not sure I understand the correlation between taking it slow & nearly having sex on the second date. Cause at this stage I'm going with booty call.

[caro33]

Spader raises a good point, I noticed this too. You say you won't go back to his place b/c it means sex and you want to take it slow, then you...err make the next date for his house....and (kind of) have sex.

 

From these points alone, it does have the hallmarks of a booty call.

[annie24]

There are two parts here I don't quite get.

 

 

 

You told him that if you went back to his place you would end up having sex with him. Surprisingly thats what he did. I'm not sure I understand the correlation between taking it slow & nearly having sex on the second date. Cause at this stage I'm going with booty call.

 

yeah, I agree! definitely a mixed message there!!!! or maybe not mixed at all, if you said going to his house = sex, well, that sure happened.

[StarLily]

ah the wonder of online hook-ups.

I would have been terrified about meeting him, but having sex on the second date? I don't think long relationships work if you have sex so soon. Have you done that in the past?

 

Like the others have said, get rid of him. It sounds like he used you. No one but a bastard kicks a girl out from his place after getting intimate....